#ah reader insert

Without a word, you all but dragged him further into the house and to the living room where you urged him to lay down on the couch with you. You knew that he had to be physically and mentally exhausted not just from the trip home but the insane schedule that he had while over in Australia. So, you laid back on the couch and allowed him to stretch out along with you. His erratic hair tickling the underside of your chin.

You reached out for the remote and found something to put on the television, mostly as background noise, as all you really wanted to do was look at him. It had been a long week without him home and while the pictures and videos posted online were nice, having here in person was so much better.

“What’re you lookin’ at?” he mumbled, lifting his head.

Trevor’s dark brown eyes opened and closed slowly, the light of the television reflecting within them and I sort of smiled. He stared at you in confusion, blinking, his eyelashes brushing against your cheek.

“Nothing."

-

 The feeling of cobblestone pounds against the soles of your feet. Hard and aching in the cold. Bitter with every slap of your shoes as you run. The orange glow of streetlights trace the path you carve through the town, chasing the shadows you leave behind and playing in your hair. Scampering between your legs and leaping across the stone you bound over. Glinting against the black ice that has already managed to trip you twice, ground kissing the skin it’s left bruised across your hip and thigh.

Ryan’s confusion still rings in your ears. His alarmed expression, of which you had left in the snow as you’d rocketed to your feet and started moving, haunts the darkened spaced between houses and shop fronts.

“What, Y/N? What’s wrong - wait, where’re you going? Y/N, slow down. Y/N-”

He’d snatched out, crumpling to his knees as you’d darted away.

Instead of explaining, you’d thrown him an incoherent response and reminder for him to join dinner that night with nothing else on your mind besides racing thoughts and a need to find Detective Dooley. To hurl definitive evidence at his feet and demand that he acknowledge the grooves that match those found clinging to buildings. To force him to address the links exposed by the timeline you and Michael had slaved over. To make him see, once and for all, that the removal of the head and the slaughter of animals oh so long ago has to mean something. It just had to.

 It had to.

 The skull, minor in its existence, brings the three factors they’d been scratching their heads over together with clumsy a bow. Solidifying the concept of a copycat killer so much so that Jeremy will be unable to argue, and parading the fact that that whoever had been killing livestock hadn’t upgraded to children, but had kept a clear line between those he hunts. One for food, and one for fun.

It isn’t much, but it consumes you. Taking over your being and vibrating in your limbs, stretching tight across your icy cheekbones. But it’s more than the relief of a definitive copycat that spurs you on. Ryan’s comment had stirred something inside you. Flipped a switch and brought blinding possibilities you hadn’t yet considered.

 If the killer didn’t take the skulls of animals because he didn’t need them or want them - he must have had a reason for collecting the heads that he does.

 Your rampant thoughts, along with your being, collide into the figure in front of you. So dizzy in your mind that it takes you a moment to register the shock, the man is already grunting and skirting past. Swallowed again by the night. A shake of your head sees the panic dislodge and recognition take its place.

“Jeremy?” you call, waving a hand above your head and stumbling after him. “Hey, wait up. You’re just who I’m looking for.”

He doesn’t. Instead his head tucks deeper into his coat, shoulders hunched. The quickness of his pace is hard to match, but you manage.

"Slow down, J, I need to talk to you," you plead, catching his arm. But he still doesn't stop, shaking free and powering on into the snow. Recoiling, stung, you jam your hands into you pockets. "Are you kidding me? C’mon man, stop messing around. This is important."

“Then why don't you go and tell Ryan?”

The words burn, lashing out and leaving your skin raw.

“Excuse me?” you demand faintly, “what does Ryan have to do with anything?”

"I just figured," he starts, finally facing you with an expression set in stone, "that considering how close you've gotten, he's all you need."

“I'm trying to talk to you about the case, Detective. You know, the one where kids are dying? And you think now's a good time to go digging around in my personal life?”

"Why not?" he asks hollowly, and you take a step back. “Why shouldn't I treat you like everyone else in this town? I’d be covering all the bases like you want me to.”

“Jesus Christ, Jeremy!” you snap, infuriated at the man who cowers from your anger for a brief moment. “What the fuck is your problem? Just because you fancy Ryan doesn’t mean you get to be an ass to me!”

“Fancy Ryan?” He almost laughs, but stops himself, instead settling for bewilderment. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Stop it.” Your eyes narrow at his defence, in no mood for his denials. A sharp gesture of your hand cuts his confusion, letting it fall noisily to the floor. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” You’re seething, body desperate to pace and yet feet remaining rooted to the cold, frozen ground. Through the dark you struggle with his expression, equally hurt by his scowl as he is with your own. “Jon already told me that you’re interested in him. Which is fucking fine, and I get that you’re hurting in this situation. But don’t you dare go around being an absolute asshole to both of us, just because you can’t get what you want. We have a job to do, and I’m your friend.”

He’s shaking his head, eyes wide and mouth pouted open. This time he can’t stop the laugh, harsh and mocking in the night’s biting air. “You’re kidding? You think I don’t like you guys hanging out because I’m in love with Ryan?”

You stop, accepting his simple explanation with a tight nod. You resist the urge to shuffle guiltily, uncomfortable with confronting his feelings with such volatile accusations.

Jeremy’s jaw sets, fists balling by his side while he turns bitter. “Oh, you’ve caught me. I’m interested in him, alright? Really really interested.”

A rattling sigh bounces from your lungs, falling flat in the snow. You knew this would be inevitable, and sucking in a breath and as much confidence as possible, you start the conversation you’d rather not have. “Look, Jeremy, Ryan and I-”

“I’m interested in him because he’s a person of interest, you fucking moron.”

The words stop, clinging to your tongue and scampering back down your throat before you can comprehend his vicious growl. “A person of interest? You mean-”

“I mean that you’ve been trying to date a god damn murder suspect.”

“Oh.” The shock expelled from your lips forms with a gentle pop, and with it his expression softens. Regretfully he gathers his apologies, rubbing them comfortingly into your arm. Tears well, but you don’t let them fall, feeling them thicken in your throat. “Wow J. I- I just… I can’t believe this.”

“I know, Y/N, it was hard for me to accept too, but-”

You jerk away, skin stinging from his touch. Recoiling, a few stumbles steps see the fountain greet the back of your knees, accusations like daggers. “I can’t believe you’d think your closest friend could be a part of this. That he could hurt children. After losing his own, for god sakes. What the fuck is wrong with you? It’s like - It’s like you don’t even know him.”

“Yeah, sure, lost his own, wha- you’re not listening, are you? Because you just obviously know him better, huh? All that time you’ve spent together, all those nights stumbling home arm in arm - yeah, I fucking know about that because we’ve got men watching his every fucking move so he doesn’t kill another kid - it must mean that you know him better than me? Bearing in mind, Y/N, you were the one that dated a god damn serial killer and refused to accept it, not me. And it got people killed.”

Your spine straightens, bite so lethal he shrinks away. The sharp breath sears through your lungs, mind reeling from the night that haunts your dreams and forced you to run from all that you love as he jams it into your hands. It’s your turn to ball your fists, clutching your coat close with the enraged whip of wind. It takes all you have not to launch across the space and punch him, to refrain from falling to your knees and screaming like there’s no tomorrow.

When you speak your voice is low, far more threatening than intended, but appreciated all the same. “Yeah, I guess I do know him better.”

Jeremy wants to snap back, but you don’t let him.

“I must do, because I know what type of person he is, Jeremy. And he’s a damn good one. And I also know what obsessing over a case does to people like us. I was too blind to see Charlie for who he was, because I was too busy focusing on someone else. Someone innocent, remember? I chased him to the point where he couldn’t handle the hounds and killed himself. Do you remember that, huh? Remember when we charged into his apartment and found him hanging, then got the call that my sister was dead all in the same hour?”

Jeremy doesn’t speak, as frozen as the world around him. If he could swallow his comment, he would. He’d forgotten the raw hurt, the agony in your eyes whenever you’d talk about your sister - and hadn’t realised it was still as fresh as ever. He can’t look at you anymore, glaring at his fingers as they slowly blotch purple. And you don’t look at him, either. Can’t stand his guilt, can’t stand seeing him the way he was all those years ago, watching your sister’s blood coat his hands after he’d done all he could to save her.

“There we go,” he murmured, tossing the syringe to the ground before his arm moved to wrap around your throat, “wasn’t that easy?” With both the drug in your system and your restricted airflow working against you, you could barely struggle, weakly pulling at the arm around your throat. If you could just say something, he would know, he would hopefully stop, but all that escaped your lips were choked cries.

When your efforts had died down, and you grew limp in his arms, he easily tossed you over his shoulder. Everything was foggy, you couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, could barely even think. You just watched the ground move below you as the man walked, unable to focus your vision on anything.

“J, pop the trunk,” the man called, and you winced at the sound of his hand hitting the car. Within seconds, you were dropped into the trunk, your head hitting hard, and you barely caught a glimpse of a skull mask before the lid was slammed down.

In the the darkness, with your mind in a haze, you couldn't even tell when the world faded to nothing.

When you awoke, you found yourself in an empty warehouse, only lit by the few barely functioning lights that hung above you. Your head was pounding, the pain dizzying, and the gag in your mouth only made the nausea worse.

Your limbs were tied to a rusted chair, the coarse rope cutting into your skin as you pulled at your restraints. Behind you, you could hear noises, the sounds of metal hitting metal ringing through the warehouse, and you only struggled harder, eyes watering as fear sent your heart racing.

“Well Ry, I think she’s awake,” an unfamiliar voice murmured, and you felt a sting along the skin of your thigh, the words imprinted on your flesh almost burning.

“Shall we begin?” the voice from before asked, and you felt a hand brush your shoulder as he walked in front of you, sending a shiver through your frame. Finally getting a look at his face, you found your eyes drawn to the smudged facepaint that covered his skin, making his smile all the more menacing.

You struggled to speak, to say anything at all, but the cloth in your mouth muffled every sound. Your attempted words turned to shrieks, the jagged dagger in his hand finally catching your eye; and when a man in purple walked into your sight, crowbar in his gloved hands, tears began to spill over.

You couldn’t believe, out of all the possible people ways to meet a soulmate, this would be it. They were fucking terrifying, had your heart racing and tears streaming down your face, your whole body trembling. You knew that what they had in store for you would break you, probably kill you; but there was still that instinctive longing for them, for your soulmates, and you cursed yourself for it.

“Listen,” the man in purple spoke, swinging the crowbar around as he watched you, “Before we get started, I want you to know this is purely business. An old pal of yours paid good money for our services, some guy named… Damon?” he glanced over at his partner for confirmation.

“I believe it was Devon.”

Your heart sunk at the mention of your ex and you began screaming muffled pleas, much to the amusement of the two men. They both shared a glance before the shorter one moved forward, dragging his crowbar against the concrete as he sauntered around you. “Y’know, this Devon had some very specific instructions, I mean, really, what do ya gotta do to a guy to make him that angry?”

After making a full circle around you, he raised his crowbar in with a smile, and then a crack echoed through the warehouse as it made impact with your shin. You were seeing stars as the pain hit, your shrieks of pain muted by the cloth that swallowed the sound, and they both laughed.

“Ooh, that looked nasty, Jeremy,” the taller man commented, a smirk on his lips as he watched you twist and writhe in pain. You pulled even harder at the rope restraining your limbs, crying out as your struggles only caused you further pain. “Sweetheart…,” he chastised you, moving closer, dagger glinting in the dim light, “you really don’t wanna do that.”

Then, he was on top of you, legs straddling your thighs as he held the blade against your cheek. Instinctively, you pulled your face away from the jagged edge, but then a calloused hand gripped your chin, jerking your head to face him. His ice blue eyes were daring you to move again, and you didn’t, small whimpers escaping your throat as he traced the dagger along your jawline.

“Such a pretty face…,” he murmured, his hand holding your jaw still as he dragged the dagger down to your collarbone, still not breaking skin. “It’s a real shame he wants us to carve you up… but a job’s a job, and playing butcher is always fun.” He bared his teeth with a smile as he pushed the blade a little deeper, and your blood began to seep over the jagged edge.

“Aw, Ryan, come on,” the man behind him spoke over your sobs, “save some of the fun for me.”

He stood from your lap, gesturing to your pathetic form as he replied, “Give ‘em your worst, Dooley.”

The other man threw his crowbar to the side with a grin, cracking his knuckles as he walked towards you ever so casually. “I work better with my hands anyways,” he commented, quickly landing a blow to the side of your face. The punch knocked your head around, and you were seeing stars as you tried to get past the ringing in your ears. There were words thrown your way, but they all felt distant, muffled, and the world was spinning around you as your eyes glazed over.

With a few taps against your cheek, the man calmly said, “Hey, stay with me. We’re not done with you yet.” However, when you didn’t acknowledge him, didn’t try to speak any muffled words, he kicked your broken shin with a growl, causing you to shriek and writhe in pain. “You can’t escape this,” he murmured, his hand on the back of your chair, leaning it back as he loomed over you. “This is it, end of the line.”

He suddenly landed a punch to your stomach, shoving the chair to the ground, and you let out a groan. Every sensation coursing through you was overwhelming, all the pain, the shock, the fear. Everything hurt, and yet, even as your head lay against the cold, dirty concrete, and you stared up into the dingy light, you still struggled to escape. Even with your mind unable to process anything that was happening, your most basic instinct was fighting. If you could just say something, you’d get through this alive, and that was enough of a chance to keep you struggling.

“Now, I’m not sure, but I think (y/n) is trying to tell us something,” Ryan remarked as you continued to shriek, muffled pleas bleeding into sobs that shook your whole frame. “I’m sorry, what was that?” he asked with a kick to your ribs, causing your plead to grow even louder. “You’ve really gotta speak up.”

He gripped your throat, pulling both you and the brittle chair up to his height. With a quick slash, his dagger cut through the cloth gag, tossing it to the ground below. Chest heaving, you gasped for breath, arms tugging at the restraints as you tried to reach the hand wrapped around your neck.

You struggled to talk, barely formed consonants escaping your lips, but nothing that came even close to speech. “Here, let me help you,” the man seemed to mock you, setting you back down on the concrete floor. However, when you opened your mouth again, his blue eyes stared daggers, choking every word within you.

“So shy now?” Jeremy asked, and the two of them shared a glance, amused grin pulling at the corners of their mouths.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure we can change that.”

He grabbed your jaw and yanked your head upwards, stretching your tendons and exposing the skin of your neck to his blade. You trembled as the cool, wet metal dragged across your skin, stifled sobs trapped in your throat. He traced the jagged edge slowly, ever so slowly over your skin, and then your clothing as it passed your shoulder. In an instant, the blade pushed through your shirt to your bicep, barely breaking skin, but he drove it deeper and deeper at a crawling pace.

This drew broken screams from your lips, and when he shifted the blade slightly in your flesh, your vision began to spin, the contents of your stomach working their way up your throat. Despite your best efforts to swallow it back, your mouth had gone dry, the bile pushing its way up and dribbling down your chin.

“Ooh, yikes,” Jeremy commented from behind you, watching with amusement as you still struggled against the ropes. “I don’t know, Ryan… maybe we should just put her out of her misery.”

There was a pause before the two laughed, and Ryan yanked the dagger from your flesh, ripping a ragged sob from your lungs with it. Pushing through the excruciating pain that coursed through every nerve in your body, and the fear that paralyzed your mind, you cried out, “Please, don’t do this, I— I can’t, please.”

They stopped dead in their tracks, the blood-soaked knife slipping from Ryan’s fingers, and the metallic clatter echoed through the warehouse as it hit the ground. It was silent as they stared at you, their eyes wide and calculating as they processed everything. It didn’t take long for them to snap back into action though, Ryan picking up the dagger and rushing to cut the rope that restrained you. Meanwhile, Jeremy had pulled out his phone, restlessly murmuring, “Come on, pick up… pick up.”

Muttering under his breath, Ryan violently slashed at the rope around your ankles, but even in anger he was precise. Not once did his blade hit you again. When he moved to the rope tying your wrists to the chair, he cut through the worn cord with ease, ready to catch you the moment you fell forward. Your vision was still spinning, sounds fading in and out as you blinked, trying to get a grasp on what was happening.

“Andy, we need you at the warehouse, like,right now… shattered shin, stab wound— no, no arteries were hit… I know, I know… listen, I don’t give a shit what the chances are, you need to get down here right the fuck now,” Jeremy glanced over at you, a shaky breath leaving him as he did. “We can’t lose this one.”

With that, he pocketed his phone, stripping off his purple jacket as he moved to your side. “Hey…” you saw his lips continue to move, but the words faded into background noise. With the world spinning and fading around you, there was no way you could focus, no possible way you could process anything that was happening; and you would have tumbled to the ground if not for the two men holding you.

“Hey, stay with us,” Ryan spoke firmly, cupping your cheek as Jeremy pressed his jacket against your wound. You locked your gaze on his blue eyes, the rest of the world blurring as you tried to maintain any focus; then, it all faded to darkness, and you felt nothing.

When your eyes blinked open, the first thing you noticed was how warm the room was. Not only in heat, but the colors, the light, it was all much softer than everything you had just been through. There was no more pain coursing through your system, only a numbness, almost a floating sensation. Glancing around, you saw what, aside from the medical equipment, appeared to be a normal bedroom; and in the chairs beside your bed sat a woman with red hair and a man in a full tuxedo, the two conversing quietly.

The woman glanced up, meeting your eyes before glancing back to the man. He cleared his throat, rubbing his hands down his face with a sigh before looking at you. “Hey kid, how you holdin’ up?” he asked softly, and in your haze, it was difficult to process his question, let alone respond. He gave you a sympathetic look, his eyes tired, and then continued, “Before we start talking, I want you to know that you are 100% safe here. No wrong answers, no danger… nothin’ is gonna hurt you, alright?”

You nodded, barely able to move, and the two exchanged a glance before the redhead began to speak. “First, I just want to tell you how sorry I am for all of this, this lifestyle, it’s— it’s incredibly dangerous, and the fact that fate dragged you into all this, it… sucks. I don’t know how else to put it.”

Though your mind was hazy, you were beginning to piece things together; their vaguely familiar faces, the way the spoke, along with the memories you were already trying to repress, they all pointed towards one thing: the Fake AH Crew. You could faintly recall various newscasts, wanted posters, and you most definitely remembered seeing their faces multiple times.

Your heart began to race again, but the increasingly frantic beep of your heart monitor didn’t seem to faze them, they simply sat there, slowly raising their hands to prove they weren’t armed. “I might be Los Santos’ most wanted,” the man started, making sure to meet your eyes, “but a promise is a promise, and as long as I’m here, no one’s gonna lay a finger on you.”

You glanced at the woman, whose eyes were warm and sincere, then back to the man, who gave you a small smile. Letting out the breath you’d been holding, your muscles untensed. Though your heart was still pounding, the beeps began to slow, and they brought their arms back down. “The way Geoff and I see it, there’s two ways we can go here,” the redhead continued, “and we want to run you through every option before you decide what you want. You with us so far?”

You nodded slightly, afraid to move anymore than that in case it aggravated one of wounds that littered your body, and she gave you a soft smile. “If we end up going too fast, just let us know, okay?”

“As I think Jack mentioned, this all depends on what you want. Our resources are virtually unlimited, and we just want what’s best for you, so don’t feel pressure towards any particular choice.” Geoff told you, his voice taking on a slightly more professional tone. “The first option we could see is taking you to Mount Zonah Medical Center to continue your treatment. Their doctors may not be as well trained as our personal medic, but they’re the best in the city, and we’d pay for top treatment.”

“We’ve found a nice apartment for you to go to once you’re ready to return home, in a much safer neighborhood than your current place,” Jack continued as Geoff pulled out his ringing phone. “We’d cover the rent, so don’t worry about that, and we’ll make sure that no one comes after you again.”

Geoff whispered something to her before standing to his feet, shooting an apologetic glance you way before he left the room. Jack gave you a reassuring smile in response before picking up where she’d left off. “You should also know that the man who’s been threatening you, Devon,” you shuddered, and she carefully reached out to place a hand on your arm. “He’s been taken care of, and he will never hurt you again.”

You nodded, taking a deep breath, and she patted your arm a few times before pulling back. “The other option assumes that you would still want to be with your soulmates.” She paused, seeing how you visibly tensed. “Do you want me to go on? Because it’s completely understandable if you don’t want anything to do with them after what you’ve been through.”

You shook your head quickly, your voice quiet as you replied, “Tell me.”

“Right now, we’re in the penthouse, Geoff’s expansive ‘apartment.’ This is where the entire crew stays,” she gave you a sympathetic smile before continuing, “and that includes Ryan and Jeremy.”

Hearing those names brought you back to the warehouse, the names your torturers had spoken once or twice as they put you through hell. The pain throughout your body sharpened in response to the memories, your heart racing at the thoughts; but as you continued to lose yourself in memory, you were brought back to their first words, the words scrawled across your skin. With a shaky breath, you asked, “They’re… they’re my soulmates, right?”

She nodded, noting how your heart rate sped up. “You could stay here, with us, and not only would you have the best medical care, but you’d be safer here than anywhere else… It’s perfectly understandable if you can’t see yourself doing that, and either way, we’ll pay for all your treatment, physical and psychiatric.”

Your brows furrowed as you struggled to process all the information that’d been thrown your way, and Jack noticed, adding, “There’s no rush, we just wanted you to know your options, you have plenty of time to think it over.”

You nodded again, and when she stood to leave, you called out, “Wait!” Your voice cracked slightly, and it pained your throat, torn from overuse. “Can I—” you stopped, taking a breath before you continued, “Can I see them? Jeremy and— and Ryan?”

She paused, biting her lip in concentration as she weighed the situation. “Are you sure? Because you don’t have to do this right now. It’s okay if you’re not ready.”

Your brows furrowed, heart pounding as you continued to think about seeing your torturers again, but you just couldn’t quell the longing to be with them. “Is this what having a soulmate is like?” you asked quietly, voice shaking with all the conflicting emotions that filled your head. “They— they—” you couldn’t bring yourself to say it, couldn’t quite acknowledge what they’d done, what you’d been through, “…why do I still want to see them?”

She gave you a sad smile, moving to sit at the edge of your bed. “People tend to romanticize soulmarks as this ‘perfect’ thing; and believe me, while I love my soulmates, the concept is nowhere close to flawless. The whole system is messy, broken, and I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now… but, yes, to answer your question, this is what having a soulmate is like. No matter what someone does, you still want to be with them,” a sigh escaped her, voice trailing off as she added, “more than anything.”

She met your gaze with understanding eyes, another smile pulling at her lips. “So, should I go get Ryan and Jeremy?”

Your voice was small, heart pounding in your chest as you answered, “Please.”

“Hey, I’ll be there the whole time,” she assured you, patting your uninjured leg. “The moment you feel unsafe, you let me know, and I will kindly escort them out.”

With that, she stood and walked out, leaving you alone with your spiraling thoughts.

The silence of the room was only broken by the pulsing beep of your heart monitor, and it was so quiet, you could hear the murmurs beyond the bedroom door. Trying your best to stay calm, you took a deep breath, fists clenched at your sides. You couldn’t even tell what you were feeling anymore, every emotion, every thought blurring together as they clashed. All you knew was you were the furthest from calm you could get.

After a few moments more, the door opened slowly, pulling your mind out of its haze. With a glance to your left, you saw Jack walk in, the same comforting smile on her face, and you tried your best to smile back. Then, you saw your soulmates, both walking in with shoulders slouched and soft smiles on their lips when they saw you, smiles that didn’t quite reach their heavy eyes.

You could feel your heart skip erratically, didn’t need the monitor to tell you just how fast your pulse was racing. Of course, it did help that they were wearing different clothes, that the man with piercing blue eyes no longer had smudged paint obscuring the majority of his face; but you were still struggling with the memories that threatened to pull you back, to keep you trapped in that warehouse with jagged blades and maniacal grins.

At the sound of your heart monitor stuttering and racing, all three sets of eyes went wide, and Jack moved forward as the other two pressed themselves against the wall, almost shrinking into the background. “Hey,” Jack spoke quietly, leaning down beside your bed and placing a hand on your shoulder, “(y/n), it’s okay, they’re not gonna hurt you. You’re okay, I promise.”

She watched your face, noting every small reaction, and when your breathing began to slow, she continued, “I want you to look at them, alright?” You nodded hesitantly, looking over to them again, and the first thing you noticed was their hands, intertwined, then the way they glanced at each other worriedly before looking back at you, their eyes soft, almost pleading. “These are not the same men who hurt you. Ryan and Jeremy, they want nothing more than to keep you safe.”

As you looked at them, truly looked at your soulmates, you could feel their hearts breaking, and you wanted more than anything to keep them from hurting anymore. It really started to hit you, these were your soulmates. They were here, with you, looking at you with nothing but love and sorrow in their eyes… it was enough to bring you to tears.

Despite your slowing heart rate, you tears only caused the others to worry more, Ryan and Jeremy slowly moving to leave. “Hey, like I said, it’s okay if you’re not ready,” Jack gently spoke. “We don’t have to do this today, you can take your time—”

“No, no, please don’t take them away from me,” you cut her off, voice desperate and pleading. “Don’t take them away.”

They all looked at you with varying expressions of shock, but no one argued, Jack glancing at the other two before looking back to you. “Would you like me to step outside?” she asked softly, and to your own surprise, you found yourself nodding. “I’ll be right by the door, just shout if you need anything.”

With that, she gave you a warm smile, making her way out of the room.

You moved to sit up, wanting to go towards your soulmates, who still stood near the door. They seemed hesitant to approach you, afraid to make a single wrong move; but that all went away the second you winced and cried out, pain shooting through your arm as you put even the slightest weight on it.

“Hey, hey, don’t push yourself, alright?” Warm brown eyes met yours, and he gave you a soft smile, his hands gentle against your back as he eased you down onto the bed again.

“You’ve got some healing to do,” a deeper voice spoke, and you turned to meet the other’s blue eyes as he sat on the edge of the bed, his gaze much softer than you remembered. “Just take it easy, we’ll take care of you.”

You smiled despite the dying tears that streaked down your face, and you received even brighter smiles from the two. “You— you’re Ryan?” you asked, still not quite sure, and the way his eyes brightened at the sound of your voice answered the question for you. “And Jeremy?”

“That’s me,” his voice was breathless, a small laugh escaping him. “and since we’re going around, you’re (y/n), right?”

The smile on his face put you at ease, along with the sound of your soulmate saying your name; and though his familiar laugh threatened to pull you back to the warehouse, you forced yourself to focus on his smile, on the kindness in his eyes. It wasn’t him, it wasn’t them, you found yourself thoughts repeating over and over again, only realizing you were speaking aloud when their faces fell.

You began to apologize, your eyes growing wide as you said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“(Y/n), no, you— you don’t anything to apologize for,” Ryan spoke softly, though there was an edge to his tone that sent a slight tremor through you. “Jeremy and I, we’re…” he took a deep breath, his fists clenched as he continued, “we’re the ones that did this.”

His eyes flickered first to the small gash along your collarbone, then over each wound and bandage, an unmistakable pain to his gaze. Hesitantly, you reached out to him, placing your hand over his and gently uncurling his fist. He looked down at your hand, brows furrowed as he carefully shifted his hand to grip yours, and then he met your gaze. “(Y/n), I…”

As he trailed off, you squeezed his hand, a small smile tugging at your lips. “I know,” you murmured, and just looking into those blue eyes began to drag your mind away, feeling a phantom knife pressed against your skin as that gaze never left yours. With a shuddering breath, you clenched his hand, closing your eyes for a moment. He brushed his thumb along the back of your hand, his skin warm, somehow soft despite the calluses, and you concentrated on that.

Someone who wanted to hurt you wouldn’t be so gentle, you tried to convince yourself, you’re safe.

As you thought it, the last two words were spoken aloud, and you opened your eyes to see Jeremy, a tear slipping down his cheek as he forced a smile. “We’ll keep you safe,” he assured you, his hand moving to brush your hair from your face, lingering for a moment. Just looking at you seemed to send both warmth and pain through him, his gaze so incredibly soft as tears continued to fall.

He hesitated for a moment, the smile fading from his lips as he decided to go through with his next thought, “I just wanted to say, I— I’m sorry, (y/n),” the hand in your hair moved to cup your cheek, and you found yourself both trembling and leaning into the touch. “We’re so, so sorry.” He glanced up at Ryan, their eyes meeting, and you couldn’t do anything but watch as they both tried to blink away tears. Jeremy’s words were barely a whisper as he tried to continue, “There’s noth— nothing—”

When his voice broke, Ryan reached across you, his fingers gentle against Jeremy’s skin as he brushed away his tears. “Nothing we could do to ever make it right,” Ryan continued for him, his voice soft as he moved to look at you with downcast eyes. “But, I promise, we’ll spend the rest of our lives trying.”

“We’re gonna do right by you,” Jeremy added, his voice wavering. “And no one is gonna hurt you ever again.”

In the back of your mind, a voice murmured, don’t make promises you can’t keep, but you shook the thought away, fighting to keep your mind from dragging you back. The longer they were with you, though, the closer those memories were pulled to the forefront of your mind, and your heart rate was climbing quickly.

“I— I’m sorry, can you… can you leave for a bit? I’m really sorry, I just, I can’t—” your voice broke, but they seemed to understand, both of them pulling away slowly.

“(Y/n), it’s alright, you don’t have to apologize or explain yourself,” Ryan assured you as he and Jeremy stood from the bed.

“We’re just… we’re glad you’re okay, and we’ll do whatever we can to keep it that way.”

“Thank you,” you murmured as they made their way out of the room, the words barely there as you were fighting against your own thoughts. The second you knew they were gone, the heart monitor’s beeping slowed significantly, and you took in a painful breath. Your entire body ached, and you couldn’t help but feel exhausted after the mental strain of struggling against your own memories.

“I’ve got some more painkillers,” Jack spoke as she walked in, glass of water in hand. “The last dose we gave you should be wearing off about now, and it’s way too early for you to be feeling everything.”

As long as you have worked at Rooster Teeth, you have been in an on and off relationship with Trevor. You were originally hired as an editor for Achievement Hunter and back when Trevor was lead editor, he taught you how to work in the office and all the schedules and that’s when you both clicked. There was constant flirting back and forth until he finally asked you out. The beginning of your relationship was honestly amazing. Trevor made you laugh and he was always there for you whenever you needed him and vice versa. Trevor would also do this thing every morning where he would leave you a letter on your desk every morning that would tell you how amazing you are and how he is so lucky to have you and you would keep them in your jean pockets so you can take the letters home.

Things started to go south when you transferred departments from being an editor at AH to being a commentator over at The Know. When Ashley presented the opportunity to you, you just had to take it and when you told Trevor, he seemed happy for you but you knew something was off. He was starting to distance himself from you and he was constantly jealous of some of the guys over at The Know like Jon and Ben. That’s when you broke it off the first time and then a cycle was formed from there. You and Trevor wouldn’t talk for a few weeks maybe two months and then one day you see a letter on your desk with his handwriting and that’s when you cave and take him back. Many people told you to completely break it off because it isn’t healthy for both of you but you just can’t let him go.

One Friday morning, you woke up in Trevor’s bed with his arms wrapped around you after having a movie night with him. We had decided to watch as many Harry Potter movies you guys could before knocking out. You both were only able to watch two and half. You both had just recently gotten back together and this time you’re hoping this will be the one where there will be no break up this time. You didn’t want spend the nights alone again crying on your bathroom floor. You felt his arm hug you tighter meaning Trevor was waking up as well.

“Good morning (Y/N),” he yawned as he gave you a kiss on top of your head. You still feel the same burning sensation every time he kissed you.

“Morning,” you replied back as you untangled yourself from him so you can both start getting ready for work but Trevor’s arm grabbed you before you left the bed.

“No stay here for like 5 more minutes,” he whined as he started to pull you back in and to be honest you just wanted to lay in that bed with him all day but you both had a job to go to.

“You know I would love to but you and I both can’t afford to be late, especially today because you’re on the podcast and I have a bunch of news to pre-record today,” you told him as you finally got out of his grip and start heading over to his drawers to find whatever clothes you have at his place. You heard him groan but he finally got up and headed straight for the shower.

After going through at least four of his drawers, you were only able to find one pair of your jeans. You must’ve cleaned out your stuff during one of the break ups and you just didn’t remember. As you were putting on your pants, you heard a paper crumple in one of your pockets. You took the folded piece of paper out and realize it was one of Trevor’s letters. You don’t even know when this one was given to you because the date and the majority of the letter’s ink is gone from the wash. The only words that made it alive was the last line, “I will love you forever,” and his signature. You smiled finding one of his letters even if it was forgotten in the wash. It’s a reminder of how amazing this relationship can and will be. You put the letter on top of the dresser and then grabbed one of Trevor’s shirts for today.

You heard the water stop running five minutes later and a soaking wet Trevor with only a towel wrapped around his waist comes out. It’s a sight you haven’t seen in awhile and damn did you miss it.

“Have you’ve been working out lately?,” You asked him biting your lip because damn, Trevor is looking pretty great especially his arms. His tight grip that he had on you this morning makes more sense now.

He looked over at you and smirked because of the question, “Yeah I have thank you for noticing,” he responded as walked towards his closet to only take another look at you.

“Isn't that my shirt?” He asked with his eyebrows raised at you. You nodded yes back to him.

“I totally forgot that I took back a bunch of my clothes a while back,” you uttered as you started to look down to the floor.  You hated seeing Trevor’s face whenever you mentioned a break up.

After that, it was quite while both of you finished getting ready for work, neither of you said a word until both of you we're in his car on your way to the office.

“(Y/N) listen,” Trevor sighed as you looked at him ready to listen and he continued, “I know we have been doing this for too long and I'm going to assume that you're just as tired of this game like I am. I want it to work this time, and I think we can make it” he grabbed you hand as he ended his statement and gave it a reassuring squeeze in which I squeezed back.

“I love you (Y/N),” he said and it took you by surprise, this is the first time he’s said it in a long time.

“I love you too Trevor, I always have,” you replied as you both pulled into the office.

Later that day, while you were researching for for a story on upcoming DLC for Destiny you were interrupted by an overtly happy Jon Risinger.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N) are we still a go on our lunch date?” He asked spinning your chair and you mentally face palmed because you forgot to tell Trevor in case he wanted to have lunch with you today.

“Let me see, I have to text Trevor,” you explained and you heard Jon groan as you started to type the message.

“He isn't going to be happy about it and you know that,” he stated and you brushed it off.

“I swear he won't be mad this time, he wants it to be different, he wants to make it work,” you told Jon waiting for Trevor’s response.

“What is this now, like the seventh time that you guys have gotten back together? I'm saying this is as your friend but I don't think it's going to be different this time (Y/N), he is going to get mad and start accusing you of cheating and then you guys break up and everyone here will see you sad until he leaves his apology letter,” Jon theorized and you kept look at your desktop trying to work and not wanting to listen but he continued, “YOur relationship with Trevor is literally where that definition of Insanity comes in, where you do the same thing over and over again, expecting different results each time. You can't keep doing this to yourself (Y/N), I get that you want this relationship but how many times have you've both been hurt?” He asked not really expecting an answer from you but just wanting his his question in your thoughts.

As you were about to respond to Jon, your phone vibseerated and you saw that Trevor responded.

I wanted to have lunch with you today :/ … but if you already promised Jon, then I guess it's fine. You'll just have to make it up to me with dinner :)

You saw that the text has some mixed feelings but Trevor would've never agreed to me having lunch with Jon in the past let alone any male co-worker so you took it as progress.

“Look Jon, Trevor texted back saying it’s okay for us to have lunch, he didn't get mad,” you said as you started to to grab your bag to head out for where ever you were going for lunch.

“Whatever you say (Y/N), let me just get my keys, I’m driving,” Jon said defeated. You didn’t want to think about how Trevor’s text seemed negative but you kept telling yourself that this was progress. Trevor was getting better.

A few weeks had gone by since the day Trevor and you talked in the car and things were interesting to say the least in your relationship. There were regular date nights at Trevor’s place where you guys would have dinner and you would either watch a movie or binge on whatever show you would find on your recommended list from Netflix. You didn’t always stay the night but it has been more common recently that you have stayed over and you started to have at least half of your clothes in his drawers now. He has been putting more effort on seeing you over at The Know’s office and you have also taken the time to walk over to your old office as well and see him at work. He has also been leaving you more of his love letters on your desk when ever you were off recording a news story.

Even though the amount of effort that you both are putting in is way more than it has been in the past, your colleagues still had doubts and you couldn’t blame them. Whenever Trevor came around the office and he sees you do a story with Jon or you’re on an episode of Glitch Please with Adam Ellis, he gets really tense and you can feel his eyes on you like daggers. He isn’t like that when you’re with Mica or Ashely, just the guys. He doesn’t say anything or question your relationship with your co-workers like he has done in the past but you can tell that he wants to. Jon and Ashley keep warning you that this is a sign but as always you just ignore them. He is getting better, at least you hoped.

On Sunday morning when you woke up, you had gotten a text from Ashley inviting you and Trevor to her and Burnie’s for their famous Game of Thrones viewing party. You turned over on the bed to see if first Trevor was even awake and then see if he wants to go to the viewing party. You see that Trevor’s eyes are starting to blink rapidly meaning he is starting to wake up.

“Morning love,” you said as you kissed his cheek which he responded by kissing your lips and as always you felt that burning sensation.

“Good morning, now do you care to explain to me why you are up at,” he paused to check his phone, “at 8:37 in the morning?”

“Ashley texted me that her and Burnie are inviting us to their Game of Thrones viewing party tonight. Do you want to go?” you asked him as you sat up on the bed waiting  for his answer.

“That honestly sounds like a fun night, it’s better than us watching here at my place,” He replied getting up stretching out his arms. You smiled at him because going out with your friends was something he wouldn’t have agreed to do before, you text Ashley back saying that both of you will be there.

Later that day, on your way to the party, you were in the passenger seat of Trevor’s car texting some people for The Know who said they were gonna be there when you heard Trevor clear his throat garnering your attention.

“(Y/N), tonight you and I just want to have fun so I just have one thing to ask you for tonight,” he started and you had no idea where he was going with this. He took a deep breath not sure whether or not to continue his question but he continued, “... if any of your male co-workers show up like Jon, Ben, or even Adam, can you please just keep and interactions to a minimum, it would just make me feel better, you understand right?” he finished expecting you to answer right away.

You were in complete shock that Trevor asked you that. Was he actually serious? You looked over at him and you could only see his side since he was focusing on the road, he didn’t see your shocked expression. You want to tell him that he’s insane to even ask that of you but you didn’t want to start this fight. This is how the break up fight starts and lately he has been behaving so much better than he has before in the past. As much as your inner self is telling you that this is the Trevor that you don’t like, but the more you think about how he has been acting and all the effort he has put in the past few weeks, you felt like the least you can do is just do what he i asking for tonight.

“I completely understand, I’ll try to only talk to Ashley and I think she invited Mica as well,” you replied and he sighed out of relief. You should feel relieved too, you just avoided a fight, but you felt uneasy about the whole thing. You just hope that this night will go by fast then.

As you entered the Burns’s residence, you were immediately greeted by a very enthusiastic Ashley who already had an almost empty glass of wine. She offered you some and you declined, you weren’t really in the mood to drink. Trevor went off somewhere with Burnie the minute you guys came in, most likely him just trying to find some beer or food. The episode was about to start and more people were coming in. You saw that Jon was here and you wanted to go say hi and hang out with him because he’s your good friend but you knew Trevor wouldn’t like it if you did.

You decided to go outside and find somewhere to sit and hopefully Trevor will find you. You found a small couch that fits perfectly for two that was behind all the other seating arrangements that were set out in front of the screen. You sat down and took out your phone texting Trevor that you were already sitting down waiting for him. You opened Twitter waiting for him when you felt a weight shift on the couch. You expected it to be your boyfriend but you actually see Jon and his face read that he was concerned.

“You didn’t say hi to me,” he pointed out and you were frozen. You didn’t know where Trevor was and you were scared of his reaction if he saw Jon here.

“I... actually didn’t know you were here,” you lied staring at your phone again so Jon wouldn’t see your face, he can usually tell when you’re lying just from your face.

“You know I can tell when you’re lying right?” he chuckled and you sighed.

“I’m sorry,” you replied and Jon gave you a sympathetic smile.

“I mean, I saw Trevor in the kitchen with Burnie and from the way that you’re acting, I’m going to assume that there is trouble in paradise?” Jon said and you just have no idea how to even respond. You don’t want to admit to him how you were feeling because then any doubts that Jon had about your relationship would ring true and you did not want to hear an ‘I told you so’ right now. Just as you were about to think of something to say, you heard a couch from behind you and you turn your head and there was Trevor with two drinks in his hand. He had a smile but his eyes said something else.

“(Y/N), I didn’t know that we were joing to be sitting with Jon to watch the episode,” He said giving you the drink he most likely made for you.

“We’re not, Jon is just saying hi,” you replied taking a sip. You motioned for Jon to leave the couch but he actually gets more comfortable on the couch.

“Is there something wrong with me joining you two lovebirds?” he asked sarcastically with a sly smile and you just looked at Trevor, not knowing what to do or how to even respond.

“It’s not that there is anything wrong with you sitting with us,” Trevor responded and he paused to take a deep breath and he continued, gritting his teeth, “it’s just, you know, we came here together and so we should sit her together and as you can also see there is no room for all three of us.”

Jon looked at Trevor and then he looked at you and just shook is head. You were so uncomfortable right now and you think Jon picked up on that.

“All three of us know that isn’t the case but I’ll because I can tell that (Y/N) doesn't want me here,” he said getting up and Trevor immediately taking his spot.

Jon turned back and you mouthed 'thank you’ and he gave you a sympathetic smile and then looked back at Trevor and the smile left.

“By the way Trevor, jealousy isn't a good look on you, so I suggest you fix that for the sake of your girlfriend at least,” Jon added before finally going off to find another seat.

Trevor looked at you and he was pissed. You just hid yourself behind your phone just not wanting any of this.

“Did you tell Jon something?” Trevor accused and you just kept ignoring him, waiting for this damn episode to start.

“(Y/N), I'm talking to you, can you show some respect and answer me,” he said irritated and you scoffed at him. Right after he said that Ashley and Burnie announced that episode is starting and that we should quiet down.

“We’ll talk about this at home,” he hissed at you and he diverted his attention to the screen as the Game of Thrones theme song started to play.

After the end of the episode, you and Trevor said your goodbyes. When you said goodbye to Jon, you immediately apologized but he told you that you have nothing to be sorry for. The car ride was quiet and Trevor was holding the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles were white. His eyes never left the road and he had a look that could kill.

The minute you enter his place, Trevor was behind you and he slammed the door and you jumped. You didn't realize how mad he was.

“(Y/N), what the fuck were you and Jon talking about before I showed up?”

“Nothing Trevor, he was honestly just saying hi.”

“I asked for one thing (Y/N), is that you don't talk to them, and you didn't listen,” he stated and that's when you started getting mad.

“Trevor loo-” you started but he cut you off.

“Do you know how much I hate seeing you talk to Jon and every other guy in that office. The way that you guys act around is honestly not oka-”

You interjected because now you were fed up with this bullshit, “Trevor, I'm so fucking tired of this!”

He stopped and looked stunned but you continued, “Do you know how insane our relationship is just because you are insecure about me being in another office that you can't keep an eye on me?! The fact that I’m with you and that I keep getting back together with you should mean that I'm not interested in them!”

“(Y/N),” Trevor sighed and walked closer towards you but you just took a step back.

“I'm not done,” you breathed and took a step back from him, “Someone once told me that our relationship is the definition of insanity,” you paused to breathe and you felt your eyes start fill with tears, “doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result each time.” you finished and it this point you let the tears start to flow.

Trevor took a sharp breath and you saw tears start to well up in his eyes.

“(Y/N),” he cautioned and he took a jagged breath in, “what are trying to say?”

You wiped a few tears from your face and you took a good look at Trevor right now. This is actually going to happen. You’re tired of this game, you can't keep this up anymore and you knew Trevor couldn't do this anymore either.

“I'm saying that I'm done, for good,” you stated and Trevor just lost it.

You started to walk over to his bedroom so you can grab a few of your things and Trevor followed you

“(Y/N) please,” he begged as you started to to grab your clothes, “I love you so much and I promise that I will get better this time.”

“Trevor how many times have you promised me that? I actually thought this time would be different but the fact that you asked me to not talk to my friends just means that you haven't changed. I shouldn’t have to avoid my friends to make you happy,” you cried turning back around and facing him.

“I'm so sorry, please don't go (Y/N), you're everything to me,” he cried as as he gently put both of hands on your face as if trying to calm you down.

You looked into his eyes and you can see the pain in his eyes and it matched the pain you felt. A small part of you believes him, Trevor is perfect in every other way; he made you laugh, he had the same interests in you, and he truly felt like your other half. You both kept looking at each other in a comfortable silence. Whenever tears feel from your eyes, Trevor’s thumbs kept wiping them away. You never wanted to leave but you know you had to. Just as you were about to open your mouth to say something, Trevor did something unexpected, he brought his face to yours and kissed you.

At first you didn't kiss back but you eventually gave in. He kissed you with so much passion and you loved every moment of it. You felt his tongue graze your bottom lip asking for entrance and you let him in and you both got lost within the moment. You felt Trevor’s hands move from your face down towards the hem of your shirt and that's when you snapped out of it.

“Trevor,” you breathed out pulling away from him, “I’m being completely serious when I say I can't do this anymore. I love you so much and I would've given you everything, but we have both been hurt too many times,” you concluded and he just looked broken.

You started to grab that last of your things in his room. Once you were sure that you had everything, you went to the kitchen to find your keys. Trevor followed you like a lost puppy and it just hurt you even more to know that this is how it has to be. Once you found your keys, you took one last look at Trevor and the tears started to well up again.

“I'm so sorry that we couldn’t make it work this Trevor.”

He walked up to you and have put his hands on your face again, wiping away your tears once more. He gave you a long kiss on your forehead and you felt his shaky breath against your skin.

“Please don't go away (Y/N),” he whispered against your skin as you closed your eyes just trying not let more tears come out. You really didn't want to leave but it was for the best. You pulled away from him.

“It's too late Trevor,” you said turning back and leaving his home for the last time.

The next morning you showed up to work tired. You didn’t get any sleep last night at your apartment, you had cried all night. You had texted a few people in your office what happened last night just so no one would ask you anything, you were not in the mood to talk to anyone today. As you were walking to your desk, there were sympathetic smiles thrown your way but the last thing you needed were your co-workers’ pity.