The Story of how I ended up here : Story of Alice
( This is solo is extremely mature content and discusses sensitive subjects such as rape, murder, incest, substance abuse and uses bad language. Youâve been warned. )
WowâŚI did really let go in the last one, didnât I? I wrote so much shit about Julia that reading it back this morning made me sick. Sweet loving Julia, cared for and looked afterâŚSweet cunning fucking whore. Why does SHE get to have all the attention? I HATE how she ALWAYS ends up in the spot light. Kind of like an annoying version of MonroeâŚI mean thereâs just a limit you shouldnât pass.
So I made a promise to myselfâŚI wonât let her win. I will talk and write about myself instead of wasting a breath on that pathetic little worthless piece of shit.
AnywaysâŚ
I read back what I wrote on the paper last night and this morning and on both occasions I found myself in lust and longing. Oh just what I would give to watch one of my videos right nowâŚ
GivenâŚI did start making those with Jackson because I found the sound of his choking on his own blood amusing but I hear that taking a trophyâŚA      souvenir of some sort, is what all serial killers do to relive the past. WellâŚI didnât know this when I filmed Sarah, Alice, Jackson or any of them to be quite honest but I guess this is my own way dealing with it.
I meanâŚwhy go through all that trouble when no one truly gives you an award for it? No recognition, no love, no impressed applauseâŚItâs all very depressing.
You know what else is depressing? This fucking placeâŚThe old ones are the worst. I try to stay away from them. They shit their own pantsâŚWell I guess diapers. If I ever get like that? Put a bullet through my head.
Iâm hoping it wonât be that way. Iâm hoping to make a grand exit like the great minds I admire. Bonnie and Clyde would be a cheap example. They walked to their deaths⌠oh wellâŚMore like drove into it and waited to be slaughtered in cold blood but they were armatures on the extreme, killing at random and on a spree.
Murder like that doesnât last long. I want to make a legacyâŚ
See Iâm not saying I was always like this or even that I woke up one day going â Oh yes I wanna be a serial killerâ that shitâs just fucked up and stupid. More stupid than fucked up.
You donât wake up broken and aching just outta the blue.
Everything happens for a reason and without a cause no action can take place. Thatâs just simple physics, friend.
I think little events like my whoring mother was what shaped it but this is not a story of how I became who I am today, this is a story of how the hell in the world I ended up / here. /
SoâŚWriting is not the only thing romantic I do, right? I also draw. I started when they forced us into doing shades and in general black and white pictures in middle school and it wasnât long after that when I started drawing pictures people called âDisturbingâ
Of course no one knew I was drawing till one day a little mouse stole a few to masturbate to and forgot to hide them well enough and my sicko mom found it and made me go through all kinds of fucked up therapy sessions for the longest fucking time and donât you even dare get me started on therapyâŚ
I fucking hate therapy and more than I hate the nonsense they force into your brain, trying to convince you that youâre fucked up for a reason , (mostly because you got molested as a child) , I hate the therapists. But at least they are better than psychologistsâŚThose are the real fun ones. They try to get into your head and play with you, always thinking smugly that they know you better than you do yourself.
That just is wrong on so many levels in my opinion. You canât know what I am if I donâtâŚBut heyâŚThatâs just me and that is another story for another time.
I want to tell you the story of Alice today.
AliceâŚ.With the blonde hair and the blue eyes, Alice so kind. Strong cheek bones and a complimenting height.
She was always there I supposeâŚsitting two rows in front of me with her head bowed down over her desk, reading some book. I was never the one to take the front row seats in a class. Iâve always been the kind to stay away from all of that but also always failed to go below radar.
I first came to know Alice when she leaned down over my shoulder whilst I was drawing Julia, her hands tied to a radiator, a meaningless fantasy of me which Alice found disturbingly amusing. She bent herself over and picked her favorite one going âOh youâre very talented!â
It was the first time anyone had ever said that to me. Acknowledged meâŚSeen me.
I guess I shouldâve known then that girls like Alice donât just recognize the beauty in others unless it benefits them. Back thenâŚWhen was it, second year of high school? Maybe it was first, I donât really remember, back then I was naĂŻve and stupid.
I always had a way with girls, they genuinely like me and something about my âconfident smirkâ, as my mother puts it, attracts them hence getting laid was never an issue for me. I could have anything from freshmen virgin to a MILF if I wanted toâŚI just could never have that one interesting kitten that made my heart pound and I know there is such a fatal attraction that you could die just watching them...I know there is.
AnyhowâŚ.I slowly took back what she had taken and readjusted them into my folder. âItâs not meant to be on display.â
âWell why not?â She asked eagerly and that made me cringe. Iâm not a fan of girls who talk too much or ask too many questions. I meanâŚLay on your back and get it over with. The world doesnât revolve around you it revolves around ME! Itâs MY life. Ugh.
âItâs pornographic.â I teased and threw my backpack over my shoulder.
âWhat are you...Raised catholic or something?â Alice laughed and  her laughter caused two cute dimples to show. I guess thatâs when I thought to myself âOh yesâŚI could watch her face go up and down on my dick.â
âAtheist family. We donât believe in God.â I told her but that was a lie. Lying has always come easy for me. Especially lying to girls. Girls are genuinely more stupid. Somehow Iâve come to understand that if you smile at them even though they know youâre lying somehow that makes it okay. Strange huh? They think they are the superior race but keeping quiet no matter how much I think itâs the right thing, doesnât make you smarterâŚJust makes others think they can boss you around.
I know Julia got into some trouble for what  I told Alice that day as her father was a very respected man, hardly present? Yes butâŚWell known and respected. But what does that even mean? GodâŚ? Grow upâŚThereâs no heaven, no hellâŚNo GodâŚNo order. Donât be stupid.
God is likeâŚMoney or Santa. Only present in a humanâs dreams.
To cut to the chase, Alice liked my drawings and wanted me to even draw her in one of the poses she came up with. With a blind fold and a gag, her head slightly lowered and she asked me to draw tears on her face with blue. I donât use colors in my drawings but I did it anyhow after she stripped down and got herself in the position she wanted.
It was rousingly beautiful to put the blindfold on her eyes and place the gag between her parted lips and soon? Her drool had moisten the gag and dripped down to her chin, something I did well to capture.
I took my time with it, drawing her over and over again. Perfecting my craftâŚI hate imperfections and maybeâŚ.Maybe just a / little / bit I wanted her to wait. For which she didâŚFor hours.
She bitched and whined about it till I told her to shut up and she did.
After I was done I removed the blindfold and let her see the drawings and she was impressed I had done such an amazing job but she couldnât wait to get outta that position as she squirmed and all of her bitching went unnoticed.
I licked her lips and pulled out the gag. It was the first time I kissed her and although she did little to move me, the nakedness and the station she had with her legs and hands all tied to a darkening bruise on all four places and a wet mouth and begging eyes, was enough to get me going.
I fucked her face with my fist pulling her head back till I came and it took me about five more sessions of tying her up and two teachers noticing she had bruises on her wrists and was spending too much time in the bathroom to realize that I didnât want her to keep telling me to climb up the fire escape and pretend to force her into having sex with me but that I actually liked forcing her. I liked the idea of itâŚMore than I liked slashing Jacksonâs throat.
So this one time when she was tied to my parentsâ bed and was getting on my every last nerve about how I should kiss her or do this and that, I turned her over and fucked her from behind with my hands on her throat trying to silence her annoying fucking moans and by the time I was done my fingers had left purple marks all around her milky neck.
I guess I should have stopped when I realized she wasnât breathing but that was exactly the beginning of itâŚFor me at least.
Thatâs when I knew that I had actually felt the life leave her body and still continued fucking her dancing little frame, it even turned me on more and as wrong as that wasâŚI knew then that there was no stopping this.
I wanted to slash her throat and let her blood fill the bed my mother whores around on so much but I knew from experience that a dead body doesnât squirt out the blood the way a live one would and Iâm not one to get caught.
And so the story of the smart Mason Myers began.
I was so smooth about the disposal that still am proud but-
Someoneâs coming.
