#agntgrntwrd

It starts the minute that Fitz finds out they’re going to Scotland. He’s like a kid in a candy shop, and it’s equal parts adorable to see him so excited, and at the same time - it’s the only thing he’s talked about for a week.

He’s told everyone every single fun fact about Glasgow that he knows - ‘Hey, d’you know tha’ Glasgow’s got trees tha’ are twice as old as dinosaurs?’ - twice. It’s a relief when they finally get there, and he stops rambling - if only because the mission needs everyone to be SILENT.

And once the mission is over - once it’s over, Fitz starts right back up again. And Simmons joins in, this time. Before they even got back into the truck, the suggestion comes in such an excited rush that he has to repeat himself to be heard.

He’s been sitting in the corridor alone since he finished helping Fitz, no, his grandfather, with the gravitonium device. His mind is all jumbled and confused. He’s elated one second, sad the other. He’s not sure how he’s suppose to feel.

For so long now he’s been alone, just him, fending for himself, trying to survive on the Lighthouse. He never thought about anything beyond self preservation, that was how life was. But now he’s here, on a earth that hasn’t been cracked apart, with a team that’s mindbogglingly suicidal, a life worth living and a new family. And he just saw his mother for the first time since over 20 years.

All of it dredging up feelings and memories that he had tried to purge and bury for so long. He misses her, desperately. He misses the way she used to run her hands through his hair and smile at him. He misses the way she used to tell him stories about Nana and Bobo. He misses the way she used to sing to him before bed time. He misses the way she used to bring him an orange for his birthday. But every time he thought of the good, the bad came with it. Watching her torn away from him, watching her die, he had screamed so loudly, so hard. He had tried to reach for her but he wasn’t strong enough. He had cried, he had begged, and he had lost her all the same. He was angry for so long, and when he lost his father, he had simply just stopped thinking about it all together. Because thinking about it meant pain, and if nothing else, Deke was good at running away.

And he’s still running now. Because how does he explain to anyone here that Fitz and Simmons are his grandparents? Who would believe him? Who would care? Would Fitz and Simmons themselves even care? They had wanted him dead. He’s not the person they would be proud of for having as a grandson. They all hate him, he’s not stupid. He knows how they feel about him. They wouldn’t want him. He’s not the person his parents would want either. Maybe he should keep running, maybe he should leave.

You know what happens when you care about someone.

He did know that. That’s why he’s so good at running. He’s been scared his entire life and he’s still scared now.

He shouldn’t want their approval, he shouldn’t need it. Yet somehow he doesn’t want them to look at him and be disappointed and wishing that someone else could be related to them instead.

He wishes his mom could be here, he wishes she could tell him what he should do because he doesn’t know.

“you’re agent ward, right?” deke asked as he sat down across from the agent.  he had seen the man before but hadn’t actually talked to him, and since things had settled down around the base, he decided maybe he should finally introduce himself.  “i’m deke.  deke shaw, the guy from the future who pretty much helped everyone get back to the present.”  he smiled and then took a swig from the bottle of zima.

“so how long have you been with shield?”

Apart from obvious times when she couldn't escape his presence because in a public area, and in which she hadn't been able to avoid glaring or making little comments in his direction, Jemma had managed to stay away from Ward. Which was good, because she honestly didn't know how to feel about him anymore. Truthfully, some of the last times in which they had been around each other, she had been silent and either scowling or distracted but not because of him; her life had gone pretty much to hell, she had broken Fitz's heart while trying to stop hurting him. A mistake after the other, and she wasn't really part of the team anymore. Funny how Ward was fighting so hard to change that, while she of all the people had accepted her place. Not that she wouldn't do anything to make things better for her friends, to keep them safe, but the only help that was working was the one she gave 'in the field', undercover or not, while her attempts to talk to Fitz didn't work and she had no idea of what to say to others - and wanted to talk about her problems even less. There was too much to say and no words, and being comforted by Skye didn't feel fair, she hadn't earned that kind of peace for now, so she kept to herself even when invited to have a beer in the break room, and denied anything was wrong.

Ward, however, was an odd case, not part of the innocent friends she was protecting, not truly the enemy because he had let Fitz's words get to him, he had denied to be a nazi and believe in Hydra's nonsense but he had clearly been loyal to John Garrett in a more personal way, and he had tried to stop the pod from being tossed out, so he was a weird grey area - was she a grey area to the team? probably. Just in a different way. But Ward himself was someone she didn't really know, he had been undercover, fake personality and all, and he had had the heart to kill Koenig, which she wanted to stab him in the throat for just to see how he felt about it, but he also hadn't had the heart to hurt Fitz - she doubted she had caused any particular internal turmoil - and he was trying, both things appreciated greatly by Jemma. She had gotten distracted again with those thoughts, but to be fair it wasn't like she could do much more, she had gotten pretty banged up earlier against the enemy, thankfully backed up by Bobbi who had to keep going, and Ward had showed up after that with Mack. Mack had hesitated on following Bobbi. "It's fine, I can stay with Ward. If he does anything wrong, I'll shoot him." Bobbi gave her a look, somewhere between affection, humor and exasperation. It was a bit of an empty threat, there had been enough occasions for her to do it but she had never done anything. "Can you say that less eagerly?" "No." "Ward, we are taking the flashdrive to the computers upstair. Keep people from getting to the control room." Jemma wiped blood from her forehead, lifting a pipe from the ground and, having seen the reflection of someone coming on an unconscious man's helmet, slamming it against a new enemy's knees just as he arrived; he fell on the ground and she iced him. "You two keep people from getting to the control room," Bobbi corrected herself, "But be careful, you are injured." Mack and Bobbi gave Ward another look, obviously not sure of how to behave around him either, and left them alone. Jemma leaned against the wall, grimacing from the pain, and looked back at Ward.

➤ // ways to say ‘I love you’ : accepting.

@agntgrntwrd​ asked for › › ›

“You’re my friend. My best friend.”

ward: I STG YOU LITTLE SHIT.