The mind is a deceptive tool...
Itās funny how you can plan to do something which you know could cause you to be at risk of assault, or be put in harms way, but you donāt care and you want to do it anywayā¦
I was wanting to run and just get all my hurts, confusions and lies (yet potential truths) swarming around in my head out, even though it was 8:30PM and pouring down rain.
I didnāt care that it was pouring down rain⦠I didnāt care if I got soaked⦠I just wanted to pack my bags and run where no one knew me.
Part of me was thinking of running to where one of the largest Christian festivals was happening. Part of me didnāt though, as I didnāt want to run into anyone accidentally. So I decided to text a friend to see how she was going and if she wanted to catch up. She didnāt reply⦠About half an hour later I picked up my ringing phone, after several missed calls, from an out of town friend, asking if she could stay the night and if I could come rescue her, as the festival had flooded and she was stranded on the other side of the city at some strangers place.
This surprised me. Only earlier had I been thinking of being where this flash flood had swept through - in less than 30 minutes. Only earlier had I planned to run, as I wasnāt coping⦠But I had a different distraction to get me out of my mind monkeys. A distraction which stopped me analyzing friendships, paused my thoughts on physical touch - how much I want hugs and to give hugs, yet how everyone seems to flinch when I even touch them, let alone hug them, as if Iām some sick perverted freak!; paused my thoughts on friends wanting me to find new close friends so that they wouldnāt have to deal with me at all⦠The list goes on⦠Silly mind!
So itās been an interesting evening and one which I donāt understand what is happening or why, but hopefully this melatonin kicks in soon (23/4/2011).