#afreid

I’m not afreid to die but i’m afraid to live

I'm such a chicken hahahaahaha at the moment that something bad happens I am no but after that I want to cry and scream and hit or kill someone.... because I don't think right in the moment I just react. I mean years ago my family and I almost got assaulted on our way from US to Mexico but I got so angry with the guy that wanted us or our money so I screamed to him really angry and I said all the bad words I freaking know xD while my mother was driving and crying like crazy...the bad guy after chasing us a lot just ran away....I was so scared for us till that moment that he left us alone and then I thought: what if he had a gun? What if he search for me for recognizing him? And kill all of us. BUT YOU CANT LIVE AFRAID! THAT'S NO LIVING! And yes, you can feel like a cucaracha besides them but you can't show them that. You have to crie like for a second and then think like them. Like a year ago a sir searched for my bro in law whos my sabonim of tae kwon do And the sir was all crazy that my broinlaw owned him like $10 dollars (bitch, really?) And that I knew of it and saying things to put my partners against sabonim..the sir was all crazy about it saying "I'm a reporter, its your end!" "The police is coming" he touched my broinlaw so he said it to the sir "if you touch me again. Your the only one going to the hospital" so I didn't think about it and I step infront of the sir and told him a lot of things like you need evidence and shut up and you are crazy saying I know you and he realized that everyone in that room and the staff of the gym respects our sabonim so he just went away saying nosense...then my sister said: "oh sister thank you for that. You are so brave! I was so scared" and I was like "I'm a fucking idiot the crazy man could hit me of kill me" and I was shaking hahahaha all that adrenaline and I was so scared cuz the guy looked all absent of this reality... And there's other moments like those that I act all brave but I scared as hell x.x but you can't show it And the most recent episode was today. Someone almost enter to my house and steal everything...but they got scared of my big dog and of us that arrived at that time he ran away jumping to the next house. All because we left the gate (to the patio. The house itself have a door with padlocks) without padlock cuz we just went to the grocery store....I was about to stay alone at home but I decided to go with them when we returned we watched the gate slightly open so we was like ohh fuck! But our dogs where like crazies and looking to the second floor (a terrace and two balconies) but I was a little scared so I ignored but we enter to the house and mom was at the phone and sister disappeared and I was eating my dinner. ..then sister came and said: someone is running away!...my soul left my body! You know when you feel your body with no heat...then I was like nope don't joke! I mean he always scares me with ghost But I saw her face..she was scared! Then I took the courage and walk with her to talk to me...but mom took forever to hanging up that call and then she took us seriously and mom and I went to see if he was around but nothing... we talked with the neighbours but nothing. I MEAN THE GUY WAS WATCHING US!? After a lot that we arrived .---. Oh gosh! If someone kills me..I would die defending myself and trying to kill them frist hehe even if I am afraid