#aeqvus

“Watch me get edited out.”

Jeonghan frowned at his best friend. He knew exactly how many times Josh would be cut out for simply not participating or talking consistently like the other members. He couldn't help but get upset when Josh would say things like this.  what He sighed as he placed his hand reassuringly on the other’s shoulder. “I don’t think you will this time, let's wait and see.”

“I have no idea why I’m here, honestly. I don’t do variety.”

He smiled slightly at Josh. “That’s because you’re too shy and reserved. I’m sure if you come out of your shell you’ll do great” Jeonghan’s hands snaked around his friend’s waist lightly. “Trust me Shua. You just got to sell yourself!” he said before laughing loudly

“So much for fair treatment, huh?”

Jeonghan shrugged. It wasn’t new that some members would get better treatment than others. “Let’s just wait until we have to perform the vocal version of boom boom, then we’ll get better treatment.”

“It’s embarrassing how biased that PD is.”

Jeonghan leaned against Josh as they monitored their recent performance. Trying his hardest to watch himself since he was more than certain he made a mistake but was having trouble. However, it wasn’t until Josh whispered something into Jeonghan’s ear that he started to see that Hoshi got a lot more screen time than he and Josh got combined. He turned to face the brunette “It really is, but just remember there’s always next time"

“That was so scripted, it almost hurts.” 

Jeonghan bit his lip, trying to surpass a laugh at Josh’s comment. He looked down at the script when Chan had to say some cheesy line to Hoshi. Jeonghan nudged his friend lightly “Psht, they should have put us there, don't you know" He gave the other a wink.

“I’m glad that’s over. I just want to go home.”

What do your non-idol/celebrity friends think about what you do?                                  “If I can be honest,” Sehun shifts a little bit in his seat before laughing, “I don’t often talk about my “quote in quote”, celebrity life with my non-idol friends. But when and if I do, they are generally enthusiastic about it. One of them, whose name I won’t mention, tries to pry favors out of me all the time because his favorite idol is my label mate. He thinks I… can easily get that kind of stuff done which can be a little uncomfortable sometimes.”

Have you ever been betrayed by someone in the industry? Someone you thought you could trust?                                                                                                                     “I’ve tried to trust the mass media in that it will try its best to give me the benefit of the doubt when it comes to controversy, but as you can tell,” He clasps his hands together and rests them in his lap with a sigh, “They don’t. Luckily, I’ve never been betrayed by a person in particular if we’re talking about them doing it on purpose. I’d say usually my managers might have though, which they take care of so I’m very fortunate for that.”

Have you ever been forced to disregard your values while being an idol?         “Hmmm…” He pauses before it comes to him. “Yes. Whenever I’m in an airport, and there are fans there who have been waiting hours to see us, I know I’m obligated to acknowledge them for their support, you know? I want to do that, but there have been instances in the past where I’ve been forced to ignore them and turn away; apparently for the sake of my own safety, but it’s hard sometimes. I know security guards have a reason for their stern ways, but still… It feels wrong to me to do that to those people.”

Have you ever had to sacrifice any sort of relationship(s) for your career? If so, do you regret it?                                                                                                                              It takes a moment before Sehun can manage an answer. The thought is one he has often, and there’s a lingering sadness that accompanies it. “Yeah, of course,” He answers, “I honestly feel like the relationships I have with my parents and brother could be deeper if I didn’t have to go without seeing them for months at a time. I call them, but I want to see their faces; it’s heartbreaking to just..imagine all the time. There’s a certain warmth that being around your family brings, and I miss it when I’m alone. I know they wouldn’t want me to regret pursuing my dream, but when it comes to them? I really can’t go either way.”

Think back to before your debut: What exactly was it about being an Idol that attracted you to the job so much so that you were willing to sacrifice so much for it?                     “I…I always admired watching artists like H.O.T and SES when I was young. Because I wasn’t a very outgoing or confident kid, I often wondered if being an idol meant you could achieve those things. And when I actually became a trainee and began going through similar lessons and experiences, I did begin to see a new voice in me that I couldn’t find before. It was never about the money or being some super famous guy- it was more about… Those special interactions. The skills I knew I could gain by being an idol seemed indispensable to me. I wanted to be outgoing, and more free.” 

Look ahead five years. If you were still doing this then, can you honestly say it would make you happy?                                                                                                         Sehun closes his eyes and tries to picture himself 5 years older; probably with fewer imperfections that would seem realistic. “I think it’s hard to say when it comes to the future. If I am still with the people I am around constantly, then I think I could say yes. I’ve been doing this for almost 5 years already, and my love for what I’m doing hasn’t died since then. Huh, five years…That’s scary to think about.” 

Is there any member of your group you didn’t/don’t get along with? Why? (If you’re a solo artist, is there a labelmate or fellow artist you don’t get along with?)                           “I think it was hard for me to get along with Junmyeon hyung at first. When I first came to the company, he’d already been there for a few years already and it felt…awkward to be in the same group despite my being the new trainee. But of course, he turned out to be the big brother type and I grew close to him the nearer we came to our debut. I was really nervous to approach him, but the first time I did, he really encouraged me well.” Sehun recalls with a fondness underlying his voice.

Some say choosing to become an Idol is a selfish thing to do; that the pain it causes those around you isn’t worth the fame/success. Do you agree?                                         “I don’t think becoming an idol is a selfish thing to do. It’s a dream, isn’t it? None of us can achieve our true wants without some form of sacrifice; I never would’ve chosen to become an idol if it presented immediate and violent harm to my family. You shouldn’t do anything for the purpose of causing pain, and for the other people I know in the industry, that has never been their intent either. There is pain in missing the person that you love,” Sehun turns to yawn into the back of his hand before continuing, “But…It’s only temporary.” 

South Korea is still very much considered to be a conservative nation and this reflects upon mainstream music with countless songs forced to undergo alterations such as lyrical changes. How do you feel about this level of censorship? Do you think it limits the creative freedom of mainstream artists?                                                                                “I don’t have a lot of first hand experience with this,” Sehun admits, “EXO hasn’t had its songs censored before… Or perhaps I might be forgetting. But in a sense, I think artists deserve to have their work presented as it is. It’s theirs, and if other people are going to benefit from it, then shouldn’t the artist have that freedom to express the purpose behind their lyrics? I think if we censor things that are unnecessary, then yes, it would be extremely harmful to the industry. However, the most creative of artists I feel..Can find their way around it.”