#aegestra

“Should I not have come, would you have jumped?” He had reworded his question for it to seem less daunting, for an answer to be welcomed no matter the consequence, yet the implications were still a harsh vice on his heart. “It’s funny,” Ferdie began, “had you asked a few years ago, my answer would’ve been no.” Hubert tensed, turning his head to watch his lover, who did nothing but stare out at the vast expanse of ocean below them, soft smile adorning his uncharacteristically solemn features. “Of course, I would have been lying through my teeth, yet somehow I do not think even you would have called me out on it.” A slow exhale escaped Hubert as he continued watching Ferdie.

“No, I have no intention of jumping, or leaving through any other means. I know my place now, my importance. I am aware of all who care for me, and I care for them just as deeply. I will not leave until it is my time.” Ferdinand leaned back, eyes closed and hands resting on the grass behind him. “I know what it is like to lose someone so close before their time. To relive that day over and over, to carry and cling to the burden of guilt, eternally wondering if any of my actions or words could have made a difference.” He opened his eyes once more, though his expression held more hurt than before. “I decided I did not want to bring that feeling, the ever-present plague of helplessness, upon anyone that I hold so dear to my heart.” Hubert ached to pull him close, wrap his arms around him and not let go until the grief swirling in his eyes left him.

“There will still be times I feel this helplessness overcome me, and maybe I will fall harder than the waves crashing against the very cliff we sit on, but I will get back up. I will not abandon you.” Ferdinand rested his head on Hubert’s shoulder, allowing a glove-clad hand to pull him closer. In turn, Hubert buried his face in Ferdinand’s flowing golden locks, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. “While I appreciate the fact you will not do anything foolish and leave us so suddenly, living for the sake of others is not as great as I fear you believe it to be.” He kissed his temple, pulling him as close as Ferdinand would allow. A soft, breathy laugh tumbled from his lips as he nestled closer, escaping a sudden breeze in Hubert’s comforting embrace. “I know, my love, I know.” “Hmm. We will find a better reason, together.” “Yes, together.”