#adultsgetscaredtoo

Posted on October 28th, 2021

Content warning : if you have emetophobia (phobia of throwing up) (me too!), just a heads up that this post contains mention of fear of illness and fear of throwing up. I alternate between the terms “throw up” and “be sick” because I don’t wanna type about something I don’t like a million times haha. This post also briefly mentions a panic attack (not in detail).

No one likes feeling sick. It’s not anyone’s idea of “a fun time.” However, some people actually prefer to be left alone when they don’t feel well, whereas other people feel like they really need people when they don’t feel good. I’m in the second camp. For as long as I can remember, I have been nervous about being alone when I’m not feeling well. I think it might be about the fact that I don’t like feeling “a loss of control” or feeling “out of control” when I’m sick and it makes me scared. I long believed that I could not take care of myself in these situations and I am getting much better at challenging this belief.

 I have also had a fear of throwing up for as long as I can remember. No one enjoys it, but I really dislike it and am actually scared of it.  My parents tell me that when I was little, I wouldn’t tell them if I thought I was going to be sick, because I seemed to think that if I didn’t talk about it, then it might not happen. I have (thankfully) never thrown up by myself, I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. The idea of being alone and having to deal with that all by myself is one of my bigger fears. I am less afraid now of it than when I was little but still it makes me feel anxious.

For now, I am going to talk about the illness and discomfort that I have dealt with on my own, and how I handle things to help me feel better. My mom has also assured me that if I were ever really super sick and needed help, that she or someone else would come help me.

When I lived at my family home as an adult, of course my parents helped me when I was really sick, but when I had a cold or a really bad allergy day, I would mostly take care of myself. 

I had one experience in the summer of 2019 that gave me confidence around this fear of dealing with illness on my own, this belief that, “I can’t take care of myself.” I was visiting my dad and grandma in Utah and I got really sick with “period flu”, basically when your body is overloaded with hormones and gives you similar symptoms to a flu for several hours. I woke up in the middle of the night and had really bad pain in my abdomen. I had diarrhea and then realized that I wasn’t going to be able to get myself cleaned up and back to bed, so I called in my dad to help me.

I love my dad a lot, but before I continue I should just clarify that he does have a hard time expressing emotions sometimes and knowing how to care for others when they are distressed. He loves me very much though. Anyway, he came in, and I had to instruct him on how to carry me like a baby and out me in bed. I told him that I knew I was probably going to be sick soon, and asked if he could please stay with me during that because it makes me really scared. As I was being sick, I said, “Can you tell me it’s going to be okay?” “Can you hold my hand?” He stayed with me but didn’t really say anything so I was telling myself it’s gonna be okay. That experience showed me that, if I was alone of course that would be unpleasant but I do know how to care for / comfort myself.

Before I moved out, I wondered how on earth I would care for myself when I was unwell at my apartment. The answer, it turns out is pretty simple : just like you care for yourself when you lived at home, but your parents aren’t there. 

Okay, now on to my recent experiences and the guide :

I have recently taken care of myself when I got sick after my flu shot a couple of weeks ago. I woke up in the middle of the night, with a super bad headache. I went back to sleep and then woke up at 5 AM and had chills, a fever, my body ached all over. When I tried to get up, my body had that awful shaky feeling that says “do not move.” I called my mom and was crying because I felt scared, I talked to her for about 10 minutes. She comforted me and she told me to take some medicine and go to sleep. When she came to check on me at 11 AM, I was much better and very proud of myself. 

I also have really bad allergy days some days that make me feel like I have a cold, and often have a sour stomach in the morning. And when I’m on my period, sometimes that makes me feel yucky too.  Here are things I do that help me. I know everyone is different so some of them might not work for you but maybe it could help you get ideas.

1) Have things around you that comfort you. When you are by yourself, this can help you feel like you are not alone. I sleep with my childhood Blankie still every night (he deserves a post of his own) and I have several stuffed animals who help me when I don’t feel good.

2) Practice deep breathing. This helps you feel less anxious, gets you out of “fight or flight” mode, and helps you drop back down into your parasympathetic nervous system. I like to use 4 4 4 breathing. I breathe in for 4 counts, then out for 4 counts, then in for 4 again. I did not fully realize the benefit of breathing until my mom helped me use it to come down out of a severe panic attack in the spring. Now I use deep breathing to help me with everyday anxiety too, even if it’s just for a minute. Sometimes when you are sick, you can’t really move much. It’s times like this when breathing helps me. 

3) Listen to calming music or a podcast. I have a muic playlist called “Songs to breathe deeply to” that I listen to while breathing. I like listening to podcasts because hearing a voce makes me feel comforted and less alone.

4) Make sure you have beverages and are staying hydrated! My number one drink for when I feel sick, or even just “under the weather” or “uggy” as I call it, is TEA. I drink tea almost every morning. My go-to right now is mint tea because it is simple and good for your tummy. Ginger tea is good too, I have a few others as well. Juice can be nice too. Orange juice is good because it has vitamin C.  Make sure you are drinking water of course. I also like to keep some ginger ale in my kitchen for when I don’t feel good, as well as some blue Gatorade. Whatever other liquids besides water you like will do! I have a small tea thermos that is spill -proof so I can bring tea into my room.

5) Have some “sickie snacks” on hand. For me, this is easy food I can make and eat when I have super low energy and / or do not feel like eating but know I need to. Some of my favorites right now are : Wheat thins crackers, string cheese (I eat so much string cheese haha), instant mashed potatoes, brown rice, already cooked sweet potatoes, Stax plain potato chips (like Pringles but thicker), ramen.  I have some soup in my freezer from a few months ago. It’s my mom’s recipie, called “sickie soup” that she has been making for me when I am sick since I was a kid. It’s just water, potatoes, carrots, celery, salt and maybe a bit of garlic powder. Real simple and easy on an angry tummy.

6) Have medicines and other things nearby. I keep ibuprofen, Tylenol, Gas-X, Pepto-Bismol chews, ginger tablets, mint hard candy, Sudafed and mint gum available so that I can easily access them when I need them. I also have my own thermometer. Having these things on hand in my room (and several of them in my bag that I take everywhere) helps me to feel calmer because I know that should something arise, my toolkit is ready. 

7) Try to calm yourself first but if you really need to call or text someone that does not mean that you are any less adult. Maybe you are really scared as I was or just really sick and need help getting things. Maybe you reach out to a family member, friend, significant other for help. That’s okay. I called my mom at 5 AM and I felt bad about calling her that early but she said it was okay. Everyone needs help sometimes. Everyone is scared sometimes, even “responsible adults.” And then when my mom got off the phone with me, I kept myself calm and listened to a podcast I like for about 2 hours until I could fall asleep. 

8) Last tip : Give yourself reassurance, praise, encouragement. When I don’t feel great, I say things out loud like, “Buddy, it’s gonna be okay. You are going to be okay. You are doing a great job.” Sometimes when I get anxious and cry if I don’t feel good, I say things like, “Buddy, I love you. Remember, you won’t feel this way forever. I am so proud of you. It’s okay to cry.” I always call myself Buddy because I find it sweet and endearing. Sometimes I refer to myself in first person (using I statements), but I like doing it in second person (you statements) because it’s like a caring “parental” version of myself taking care of the scared “kid” version of me, even though it’s all the same person. Try this out loud or in your head next time you are upset or sick or anxious. It really helps me. 

Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. I like watching YouTube when I am not feeling good, it’s fun and comforting. I like to get all snuggly in my bed with all of my liquids and snacks and know that I am being a good caretaker to myself. This makes me feel very proud of myself. Sometimes I still want my mama, and that’s okay. I like it when she can give me hugs when I don’t feel good and then I hold onto them.  But I am also learning how to care for myself and sit through discomfort more on my own. 

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