#adulthood problems

This feels weird. Haven’t been here for a while..apparently this account is going to be turned into my one and only friend, a diary, the fragments of the story on “How I ruined my perfect life”

First things first, an explanation on how it’s going to work and where the idea came from.

My friend group started fading away as we started growing up and one of them (Let’s name her Nadia for the sake of privacy) So Nadia came up with an idea to send updates during the day, every day in our groupchat either photos of what we’re doing in the given moments, voice messages if something major happened or just small texts.

Genius Idea, let me tell you that. Worked perfectly, everyone was included, however lately I feel like I lost my connection there as well and I feel more comfortable sharing those updates on this blog to complete strangers than to my best friends, and that’s on the first topic on how I ruined my perfect life.

Stay tuned and I’ll try to just stay here

In general

Just here or anywhere

If there is no contact, then so be it, as per your will. I surrender.

And you know what? I don't care. Let this illness—my illness—progress and take me away from this world where I was rejected by the love of my life. Where I was treated like trash by the person I loved and devoted myself to the most.

You're acting like a teenager, wanting your wife to be a porn star? No one is perfectly put together all day. Not even you. I think you need to take a look at yourself; I don’t know what’s gone to your head, but it’s gone wrong.

Maybe it’s the alcoholism—remember how Mom was? Shouting to the world about how I envied her for making money?

I wish you could see how ridiculous you look playing this part. Even our friends don't recognize you anymore.

You want me to stop studying to work, just because our plans don’t align? You say it with a superiority that disgusts me. I could say the same to you; you could be improving yourself, studying as well, becoming a professional with real weight on your resume. But no, right? Apparently, I’m the one without ideals, using every possible resource to stand out in the job market.

Also, you encouraged me to leave my job and chase my dreams. Was it all part of a plan? Some twisted scheme to make me end things? And now that it didn’t work, you throw it back in my face like this?

Wake up, please. Rethink your words. This can’t be real.

You can't demand something you don't offer, you understand? And even though you demanded what you didn't give, I still offered it to you, and you were ungrateful.