#admin:sxng

I felt like I might as well come back and explain where I’ve been and whether I’m coming back or not. To answer I’m probably not going to be returning to this blog again, which makes me a bit sad honestly. If you look at the over 400+ scenarios at least 200 are mine, that’s a lot of content that I’ve made as a hobby, that I’m basically abandoning.

However, I am not stopping writing. I won’t share my ao3 here, but I do have an ao3. Most of the reason I’m stepping away from Pocket-scenarios is because I just don’t have that same connecting to k-pop that I used to. I have an ao3 it is for video game characters(Genshin and fire emblem to be exact), not idols.

I’m not deleting this blog since I do have a lot of fond and anxiety driven memories with this blog. But to explain why I, in the beginning, around a year ago began to step away. It was just because this site itself doesn’t have the same community it did five years ago when I started the blog. There isn’t much interactivity so I didn’t feel motivated to write in the first place. That just got worse when my interest switched from primarily k-pop to C-dramas which chinese actors don’t really have that much of a fanfiction fanbase on this site at least.

Hi! Sorry this request is a little bit too on the line of bordering sexual assault for me to feel comfortable writing it. If someone is drunk you should not sleep with them, personal opinion.

I could write this still if you are okay with me changing the request a little bit. Maybe making both of them a little tipsy after dinner & things go from there, I would just rather not write a smut scenario where only one of them is drunk.

Hi, It’s me Ari Song aka Admin: Sxng. Please, please take the time to read this, I am literally begging. It has been around two years I think since I have made a serious post like this. I’m going to section this into the 3 different things I bring up in the title of this post.

Demotivation:

I have steadily been losing my motivation for this blog since around mid-2018. No one interacts with my blog anymore. I feel like the personality of my blog is gone, I feel like now no matter what I write someone will read it just because it is there. Since it is fanficiton someone will read it, I have been trying to ignore that for around a year. I can’t ignore it anymore, I really can’t. I spent two days near the beginning of August crying because I wasn’t sure when I would be able to write again, but when I came to check on my blog it didn’t matter really.

I’m pretty sure no one noticed I was gone. I didn’t post but one time in July, I made a hiatus post (that I later deleted), but I don’t know if anyone saw it or not, because no one interacted. I didn’t even get an ask. I’m not saying people have to interact with my blog or my personal/update posts, but it really is so disheartening to feel like I don’t matter. Anyone could be writing these posts & it wouldn’t effect anything. For a long time I didn’t understand why I started to feel this way. I do understand why now.

To explain why I started to feel this way I need to talk about intrinsic and extrinsic rewards. When I started this blog, it was, to me an “intrinsic reward” I had a community of people that was relatively small to where I knew most of them. I felt satisfied with my work and I was doing it more for me than I was for others. Somewhere along the line it became more about validation and less about my satisfaction. Which would make it an extrinsic award because I was trying to obtain something. Extrinsic rewards don’t work for me long term. I really feel like I lost part of myself working to make other people happy, I work as a freelance writer too now so I never write for myself anymore.

My freelance writing and my blog feel the same to me. I feel like I’m writing for a client constantly, that is the only way I can think to explain it in simpler words.

Disinterest:

I have become detached from this blog. I became indifferent to it, I stopped putting my all into the scenarios that I wrote, I just wrote them because I felt like I had to. Since they were requests. I really tried to keep myself interested because I love writing. I am not disinterested with writing, I have 3 novels of my own, a collab with my brother, and I’m translating a novel for my Thai friend Sung. I still love to write, I’ve just lost what I like about Pocket-scenarios. I have nostalgia for this blog and I am not giving it up. I just do not know when I will be back or if I will ever get back to the level of interest and care I had for this blog. I did and I do genuinely love this blog. You can look at my masterlist and tell that I do care about this blog, if I didn’t I would not have bothered to set it up the way it is.

I feel like for me to solve my disinterest issue I might have to step away from request work for awhile and focus on posts that I want to make instead.

Self-Destruction:

I am going to give a trigger warning before this part: A suicide attempt is briefly mentioned in this section.

I made this blog in August of 2016, but the original team of admins that I had those being: Myself(Babyboiii), Yuna(WWT), Guiying(WS), Hiroi(FairyTimoteo), and Hua(KF) we had been working together since the end of the previous year. I started writing fanfiction as an escape after a Suicide attempt that happened in October of 2015. I had written some before then, but I started posting it after that attempt. It helped me a lot when I built a community, people would respond to my A’Ns and actually talk to me, it helped me to pull myself back together, I had something to look forward to. 

I am not going to lie I feel like I let this blog consume me too much, I let it get too far to the point that I felt like this blog was all I had. So when my interactivity started to go down, it scared me, I started to lose motivation. When I realized I was becoming demotivated I still kept pushing myself to write, and yeah, the grammar got better, but the actual substance of my scenarios is lacking I can admit that myself. I hated that I was becoming like that and I fell into some bad habits again, I am extremely thankful to my roommate because he has been helping me a lot since my injury and mental decline.

I started to have really bad thoughts last month. I didn’t act on them because, I live with someone else. It is kinda sad that the only reason I did not attempt suicide again was because of him, but I’m also glad he is staying with me for that fact alone. I am not going to dig deeper into my self-destruction I just wanted to briefly go over it.

My Conclusion:

I didn’t check my grammar on this, forgive me. I can hardly type and this took me from the 3rd to the 25th to actually finish typing. What I am going to do is basically I am going to step back, this blog is going to be in indefinite hiatus, or I will be at least. 

I don’t think I made it clear, but we will always be taking requests for the Song + Idol scenarios, they are not a temporary. If I decide to stop doing them I’ll make sure to state that.

Just make sure you tell me the name of the singer of the song & the group the idol is from. ^^ They do not have to be connected in any way.

I wasn’t going to mention these until I actually started posting them or until the next month’s update, but seeing as how I have not been active in posting scenarios, since i have been working on these I will go ahead and explain it. First off, I am going to attempt to do series again, but this is not a regular series.

They’re going to be based from the Stardew Valley/Harvest Moon “Heart Events” If you have never played these types of games basically you have heart events with different bachelors/bachelorettes leading up to a marriage event.

Basically in order the heart events typical go: Black, Purple, Blue, Green, Yellow, Orange, and then Red. I really want to do this type of series just to have something different on my blog. I’ll give a brief rundown of each stage & the basic formula of the “heart events” which is not set in stone for each one by the way, slight spoiler for them, but Seoho & Hwanwoong’s do not match this at all (for the most part).

🖤 - First Meeting / a new beginning for the pair.

💜 - A week or so of knowing each other, the beginning of a friendship

💙 - The budding of romantic feelings starts in this one

💚 - A confession chapter

💛 - First chapter of them as a couple

🧡 - Further along into their relationship, more development between the reader and the male/female love interest

❤️ - A conclusion could be a proposal or another big event between the two of them in their relationship

Also, if you want feel free to like send an ask telling me what group you’d like to see have one of these series I plan to use ONEUS and ONEWE for the first 2 groups. You don’t have to say a member because all of them are connected in some way (all within the group), it’s just the reader dates a different person depending on which member’s series you depend to read. Right now the groups I plan to do it for are:

Oneus

Onewe

Ab6ix

Nu’est

I don’t want to just spam these out in a row because I know that would get frustrating to people that do not like any of those four groups so I am hoping to keep some scenarios that are finished in the drafts until I can start posting chapters for these. Keonhee’s should be the first ONEUS one that goes up, Dongmyeong is the first Onewe one, but theirs will not be posted until I finish all 6 of the ONEUS ones. These are basically just regular series, but there isn’t that much drama too them tbh, it really is just the forming of a regular relationship.