#adhdsurvey

1. I've got combined type and at some point in my life I've met every single criteria for the diagnosis. The only symptoms that have pretty much disappeared are losing things and constantly dashing about, but that's just been replaced by constant mental activity. I still fidget, and trying to sit still in a movie theater makes me feel like my skin is going to crawl off. I'm extremely easily distracted, I can't focus (unless we're talking hyperfocus, which I experience in spades), and frequently switch between tasks or activities due to boredom. I process things fairly slowly, especially if they're visually oriented. I talk incessantly, and am almost always moving in some way. I'm still very impatient, frequently inappropriate, and have a tendency of interrupting. I also have difficulty forming and maintaining relationships. Oh and I often take hours to fall asleep because my brain won't shut off, and can't seem to wake up easily.

2. I mean, I'd say it's a disability. I'm legally barred from joining the military. I literally can't drive unless I remember to take my medication. I have therapy sessions regarding the ADHD and associated anxiety disorder/depression that it's caused. I am one requirement away from my bachelor's degree and have been for two years because I can't muster up the motivation to complete it. I am extremely impaired with regards to executive function. And then there's the way other people treat me, as if the things that are different about me are somehow a choice and not things that I struggle with every single day. So yeah, I have a disability. But I wouldn't say that I'm disabled. I'm mentally ill, and that's an identity I've struggled with, but I don't really feel I 'qualify' as disabled. I don't know if it's just how we frame things or internal ableism or what, but I tend to think of 'disabled' as people with physical disablilities or illnesses, and just feel like I'd be intruding if labelled myself like that.

3. Mostly I figured it out by seeing how much easier it is for neurotypical people to get by, when I struggle every day to adjust so I can meet their expectations for other neurotypical people. And truthfully, the internet gave me access to all of these resources and helped me figure out just how much of my life is shaped by a single disorder.

Hello! ADHDers! I’m doing a survey, and I would love to hear from you fabulous, magnificent superstars. Please make a post and tag it ADHDsurvey. If you want to answer anonymously, or if you don’t have a tumblr or for any other reason, you can send me an ask or a submit, and specify if it’s okay if I publish it on my blog. That way it can be in the tag with the rest of the posts.

1. What is your subtype? Elaborate as you see fit, especially if you are combined type. What are your main ADHD traits? Stuff like that.

I am combined. I used to be more physically hyperactive when I was a kid, but that slowly changed to more mental hyperactivity as I got older. as a teenager I looked more like the Inattentive type. I am notorious for talking too much, I'm impatient to wait my turn to speak, interrupting others and telling stories full of detail and with great intensity of descriptions. It's like I try to have the other person be able to follow the story like a video in their head.

I've never been good at asking people questions about them. I feel like people always remember things about me and ask me about things I had told them but I have to make a conscious effort to remember to ask them about themselves too.

My mind is hyperactive and I struggle to relax and sit still. I only manage to relax and do nothing when I have driven myself to extreme burnout and exhaustion. I become physically hyperactive if my mind is hyperactive and I'm struggling to control my level of stress, so I translate that to physical hyperactivity to either distract myself from my thoughts or as an outlet for my mental energy.

I'm always late. I struggle to go to sleep and to get up in the morning. I struggle to write. I overthink everything and I'm a perfectionist, so I struggle a lot to write. I struggle to finish anything I start and I start multiple things at once. I struggle to sit down and study because I can't focus on what I should be reading and I get side-tracked. I stubble to follow any plans and any order of anything. I never do anything in order. 

I love being social but I have developed social anxiety over the years because of my behaviour. Social situations are VERY draining for me because I have to try to control myself at all times. I struggle in environments with lots of people, lots of noise and lots of different conversations happening at once. I feel like my brain starts buzzing and I feel mentally and physically overwhelmed. I may shut down and be quiet in order to cope.

I can't think of anything else at the moment, so I'll move on to the next question.

2. Is ADHD a disability for you? If the answer is more complicated than a yes or no, please tell me all about it.

YES!!! Most definitely!!! And that becomes clearer and clearer to me every day as I look at things realistically.

3. If ADHD is a disability for you, I’m curious about how you came to understand that because, oh my goodness, that was a tough thing for me to figure out.

This is the hardest thing to figure out. And I believe we all have to go through a few stages until we reach the point where we are able to start realising this. It takes different amount of time for each person, depending on their individual life situations and experiences. I have recently reached this point in my life and it took me a lot of struggle and stress, depression and anxiety to finally realise the truth. It's hard to explain how it happened in a short sentence, as I am currently still digesting this and sorting it out in my head, but what I can say is this:

Just like meditation, yoga, religion etc. are examples of coping aids/strategies, being hopeful about therapy and medication is also a form of 'coping aid/strategy'. The hopefulness of being able to 'become able to sustain a neurotypical life-style'. 

Disabled people can be successful in life, but they will not achieve success until they accept and realise that they must do things differently to accommodate their disability, and not the other way around!!! Disabled people go through anger and frustration because they want to be like everybody else and they struggle to achieve that, because they are NOT like everybody else. When they finally accept that and look at things realistically, then they start working out what they can realistically achieve and how they can go about it, considering their circumstances. 

So we have to work around our disability, and not work hard to mask it in order to fit in. That takes a lot of energy and this, in order, damages productivity because the focus is unfitting. 

So basically I am now coming to terms with being disabled and being realistic about it. I am sick of beating myself up and I'm sick of trying to pretend I'm something I'm not. I'm wasting my time and energy and I'm getting no where like this. Not only that, I'm actually making things worse and delaying my plans even more!!!

So yes, I AM disabled but I'm also more able than neurotypical people because I have an IQ higher than 99% of the population and I can't put it to good use because society dooms me for being late and not following their rules. So thank you society for wasting the ability I DO HAVE because I am disabled and you cannot accept that.

4. Add whatever else you want to add.

I want to spread realistic awareness about having ADHD. REALISTIC. 

Is ADHD a disability for you? If the answer is more complicated than a yes or no, please tell me all about it. Yes, but I don't consider that a bad thing.

If ADHD is a disability for you, I’m curious about how you came to understand that because, oh my goodness, that was a tough thing for me to figure out. I have no idea how I figured it out really, except that it made sense and I have a lot of trouble with things that I wouldn't have trouble with if I wasn't disabled.