I'm currently working with my mother on the Ware For Kansas campaign and I'm struggling alot with it.

Half my job is lit dropping (cause we're not door knocking this year) and that's really simple for me.

But the other half of my job is phone banking. Which means calling random people and asking for their support.

Most of that is going through a website and calling complete strangers. Most of the numbers are either wrong, dissconected, or go straight to voicemail.

Mom says its super simple and easy . She won't listen to me when I try to explain it.

Here's how a phone banking call goes for me.

Load new page. It has one phone number, the name of a compleat stranger, and a script. Let's call this stranger Ben

I stare at the page for a whole minuet while o try to process Ben's name and what numbers I'm looking at

Finally call ben. Ring. Ring.

Oh god, please don't pick up

Ring, ring please tell me the numbers wrong

Ring ring oh shit oh shit whats my name? What's his name? Who do I work for?

One of two things happen here. Either;

7. "You've reached the voicemail box of Been" oh thank God thank you fuck thanks.

8. "Hi I'm c-cal (I always stutter here.) And I leave my scripted voicemail message that I doubt anyone ever gets.

9.enter it into the website. The website resets. New clean page, new stranger. No confirmation that anyone knows I tried anything.

Or, this happens;

7. "Hello? Who is this?"

8. Que ABSOLUTE PANIC. "I uh- I'm for the Ware for Kansas campaign and we're calling to-"

9. Get cursed out because why the fuck am I bothering people with this (democrat (some people make sure to specify democrat)) piece of shit don't call again

10. Get hung up on

11. Start sobbing.

12. Enter their response in the website and enter it. Which resets the page completely. There's no confirmation. No gratification. It's like I did nothing and am being set up to do nothing over and over again.

13. Repeat steps 1-6 and fallow appropriate course of action.

It triggers every part of my mental illness.

I can't easily process the information on the page. I'm bored senseless by the ringing and the waiting which makes me hate myself and this job. I struggle to speak. People picking up the phone gives me a near panic attack. And getting hung up on triggers the rejection dysphoria.