tw: loneliness, tw: trauma
I neeeeeeeeeeeeed to talk about yesterday, besides the point that for me personally 2 player mtg is my sweet spot –3 player still works, but Its edge case for me–
4 players is still cool, but turns just take an ungodly amount of time, and bc of Y being a "new" person, in the room, I could not pass the time between turns by "annoy" L or N (not really annoy in the bad sense, more in a "running around them, hugging them, smalltalk with them, etc." way. But as long as there are new variables, I got no fking idea how / if boundaries change. And idk if its just "hey new person that could change dynamics" or just my brain, but I got a bit scared how much one more person changed the energy drain.
We ate my roommate of 24h together –A stew that slow cooked for roughly 24h and I jokeingly called that stew my roomate, god it was good.–
The (for me) most fun part of the day was, that I could Challenge N to an knife fight (No real knives, fake ones out of rubber), he declined, I then kind of jokeingly asked L, if she wants to fight me, followed by L saying "yeah, ofc" and then getting my butt kicked... 😬😅. Followed by N being "so not the dangerous kind" and then getting my butt kicked almost the same way by him, 👀🤔. So it seems that yes, I am not as amazing as I was 7 years ago, and my very high respect for both of them grew at least 5 points higher.
Also at the beginning we played an hobbit board game, that was very cool and fun, and lost because the dragon ate us if I recall correctly.
Very fun day, went in a direction I did not expect, always love spending time with every one of them and yes, ofc, the moment they left, the loneliness hit me like a truck. I cried. Its just this special kind of whiplash.
The same kind if you go back home, and open the door to you flat, and calling "Hi I'm back!" into an empty flat / apartment / home / house.
Yes, I can borderline manage my issue, but not really thanks to ✨isolation / abandonment trauma✨ if I could remove one thing permanently from my life, this would be it.
I dont know if I should post my long and detailed post about the week we spend together or not, one reason against it, would be that Its unfinished, I think I forgot the last 2 days to write them up.
