#adhd heza

Around this time last year, when I was trying to apply to the Ontario Disability Support Program, ODSP, my family doctor was proving to be a real pain about it, and was taking forever to fill in my forms. When I made an appointment to talk to her about this, and about my ADHDness (as well as other things that make it very difficult for me to find and keep a job) in general in case she was having trouble filling in the forms.

During this appointment my doctor told me that she didn’t believe that ADHD was a real disability. I was floored and didn’t really know what to say other than to try to explain that, no, it does negatively impact my life.

In the end I wasn’t approved for ODSP, which has really hurt me in terms of money being able to live. But that’s not what I’m ranting about right now.

ADHD is a disability, but no one treats it as such. People think it’s a learning disorder (it’s a neurological development disorder) or something you grow out of (adults suffer from ADHD just as much as kids do). They think it means you’re hyper, or bouncing off the walls constantly, or doing things out of impulse without thinking.

Sometimes it’s hyperactivity, the inability to sit still, and impulsiveness.

But it’s more than that. It’s doing something that hurts someone, emotionally or physically, without meaning too. It’s not understanding words because your brain’s working too fast to register them. It’s doing something you know you shouldn’t be doing because your body is acting before you realize what it’s doing. It’s interrupting someone, not because you don’t care what they say but because if you don’t say what you need to say you’re going to forget or because you weren’t registering that the other person was talking. It’s rambling about the things you love or hate over and over and don’t notice the social cues of the other person being bored. It’s forgetting to do simple tasks like showering, brushing your teeth, eating. It’s forgetting important things like calling home, feeding your pets, renewing your license. It’s getting so under stimulated that you want to scratch all your skin off because there’s too much energy inside. It’s getting so over stimulated that you start shutting out everything and wanting to hide until you can breathe again.

It’s the anxiety that comes when people start pointing out all the things you do, all the things you know you do and can’t control. When you have to apply to apply to a job and you wonder if you can control your ADHD this time. Knowing when people talk about “the weird one” in class and knowing that it’s you because your interests or the fact you can’t sit still.

It’s the depression that comes from losing people because they feel like you don’t care about them because you constantly interrupt them or hurt them or forget all the important things they ask you to do. When you lose another job because you can’t focus well enough or learn fast enough for them. When people laugh at you for something stupid you did.

A lot of times, ADHD is hating myself. Hating the fact that, even on my meds, I can’t control this. Hating that I interrupt my friends, forget very important tasks, that I’m a fucking mess and sometimes don’t shower or brush my teeth for days. Hating that I can never focus hard enough on homework to excel in class, that no matter how hard I work I’m always behind because I can’t sit down and work for hours and hours on the important things, just my stupid latest special interest. 

There’s parts of ADHD that are great, I guess. Helps my imagination, my story telling, my passion.

Hello! 

This is one of those ADHD things that can greatly vary from person to person, so this is just my take on it.

I myself am an extremely emotional person. I often have periods of very intense emotions, positive or negative, and I can catch myself chastising myself for feeling that way.

A lot of the negative emotions intensity can come from being over stimulated, or be related to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, which is intense sensitivity and pain to perceived rejection. From what I understand, this is common in ADHD people. It is also common for people with ADHD to have difficulty with angry emotions.

So, yes, it is normal for someone with ADHD to feel intense emotions and to have difficulty processing them and to act out in ways that you can feel are overreacting or embarrassing. If it lasts too long, a good way to help is to find a way to stim that works right for you. I find I stim differently depending on which emotional overload I’m having. It’s important to remember that the emotion itself, even in it’s intensity, is not wrong or bad, but finding the right way to handle the intensity is what’s good. Chastising yourself, if you’re anything like me, can sometimes cause the negative emotions to become worse, so it’s important to be gentle with yourself. ^^

Heya Anon!

In all honesty I don’t know if this is an ADHD thing BUT I have experienced something similar. In every romantic relationship I’ve attempted I will reach a point were suddenly I feel like it’s not working. For me it’s a panic feeling, a feeling of “oh my gosh I can’t do this this isn’t working” and I quickly shut down and back out of the relationship.

 However the one time I was able to push through that, I had a lovely relationship that lasted 8 months until I found out the asshole was cheating on me whoops! 

Now I know my ADHD definitely increases my anxiety especially in social settings, so I wouldn’t be surprised if my ADHD + anxiety is what triggers these feelings.

-raises hand- as a Certified ADHD i would like to add that hyperfocus is a thing that happens so sometimes your ability to read jumps up 1000% and you lose six hours in a story (i feel the 'reading but not absorbing' though it me)