#addtag

the result of the full night of "excellent quality" (according to my watch) deep sleep and the doubled dosage was incredible. my entire life flipped over into gear and i was so incredibly, utterly normal for the first time since December of last year. i managed a 2km walk, used my vibration board, did my stretches. i spent time on myself with skincare and haircare, had breakfast, started a new tv show, got the grocery shopping done. i did my language lessons - which had been abandoned for four months. i sat and drew things for an hour or so, shittily yes, but i did it and the fact that it was bad didn't upset me. i did SO much yesterday, and somehow, magically, none of it felt hard

out of nowhere, just this one tweak to the meds and a good night of rest has given me my life back. i may have overdone it badly in my excitement (my chronic pain and fatigue are unreal today) BUT the point is that i now know that these months of stagnation and failure after failure weren't because i am weak and stupid and lazy, but because there is literally something medically wrong with me that can be treated

the relief from that is just. i can't even put it into words. i'm so happy i could cry

May this week be as bright as this picture.

May it bring you wealth, good news, peace, happiness, love and all good things that your heart may yearn for.

Picture courtesy: @Sharonooja IG

does anybody else ever have that horrible crawling feeling when you realize you're probably the most annoying person in the room and nobody has the heart to tell you, so you gotta chop off different parts of your personality until you figure out which one is the problem?

Looking out for stimuli in these boring moments helps me a lot too. I like to try to trick myself into not feeling bored. If I'm outside I choose something specific to look for like interesting rocks or trash, pretty plants, cool cloud formations, the texture of the ground or the bark of trees or if I can smell anything. If I'm inside I pick something to pay attention to that I usually don't, like the texture of the walls or furniture or dust bunnies, how my clothes feel on my skin, the different fonts on packaging and if the packaging is smooth or matte. I try to listen for background sounds and determine where they're coming from, or take note of the ambient temperature. Or fully focus on the taste and texture of what I'm eating or drinking.

Choose a couple senses to focus on and pick up anything you can. If you can't notice something or get bored, pick another sense. Make a game out of it if you want. See how many small things you can notice. You can still do any this for as little or as much time as you can stand and with your background noise still there. It doesn't have to be drastic changes if you can't handle that, and you don't even have to push yourself to be able to do it longer if that feels unattainable.

These things can feel like they have to be all or nothing or that you have to push yourself until you physically can't stand it, but it doesn't have to be. That can actually be detrimental because if you make yourself so uncomfortable that you can't stand it, you won't want to do it again. A little sometimes is better than a lot just once. No matter how "little" that amount is. It can be just a single moment and it's still beneficial

this is fantastic advice, and definitely very helpful! i am once again realising that i've landed square in the middle of another part of my mental illness (the OCD side) which is my all-or-nothing mentality/blockage. i see things very black and white by default, and the idea of doing things incrementally doesn't even occur to me as an option - so immediately being asked to do something like this seems like the worst because i'd have to do ALL OF IT AT ONCE etc - it's helpful to be reminded that there's another way!

being able to enact the part where i'm actually doing things little by little is a different kettle of fish, but i'm still working on that. but i am making progress! starting yesterday i have to repack my entire kitchen (which was pulled out so exterminators could access everything) and i was working so hard and to the point of pain and exhaustion when i realised that absolutely nothing requires me to have it done by day's end, so why was i setting myself that rule? i stopped working at that moment and sat down and rested, the kitchen is still unfinished, and i will work on it a little more today, and tomorrow, etc until it's complete

I’ve got ADHD that didn’t get diagnosed until I was 34, so accidental coping mechanisms for when my Brain says “Nope” include: Medium shifts - If you’re handwriting you shift to typing or the other way around, location changes, body doubling, basically any weird quirky change you can come up with that tricks your brain into viewing the work in a new light.

i will confess that my ADHD and executive dysfunction is likely a big part of it, and i do often shift from my bedroom to the living room and back again trying to make my brain 'kick in' and accept that it's time to work. not sure what body doubling is, but i will look it up! i'll keep trying and rotating between methods, though 💛

girlknives replied to your post:

This isn’t permanent. I think it can feel that way when you’re in it. I’ll stop writing for months and then start again randomly because something struck me. If you have other creative outlets, pursue those while you wait. If you don’t, consider learning about a new topic and have that be your outlet. You might even find inspiration for the next thing you write! In the end, remember that this is impermanent. You’ll write again—it’s just a matter of when.

I’m not a dr but this sounds like me and I got dx with adhd at 30

No real advice I’m afraid (I’m autistic so I either completely hyperfocus on a book or can’t read at all!!!) but a lot of sympathy, I’ve also gone literal years not being able to read and it’s rough ❤️ finding genres of books I genuinely truly loved as an adult was the only thing that helped me (in my case queer found family sci-fi) and it’s still hella hit and miss!

i just found a trove of amazing sapphic books to try out, so i’m bookmarking and wishlisting a lot of those. i really need to get into books that have the kinds of fic tropes i love, like queer content and found family - i’ve not read a lot of published books that have that so knowing it’s out there gives me hope!

shawnnhunter replied to your post:

i got back into reading this year by literally scheduling myself to read 30 minutes every weekday, and nothing on the weekends. which meant i could either take a break or read even more if i wanted to!

OOH that could work! if i have a set time and place for reading that might make it easier to fit in and if i only have to do it for a set time it won’t feel like i’m not doing enough by reading into the night, i can just read for a half hour and be done! i like it!

lesbian-byers replied to your post:

Audiobooks have saved me. My mental health is at an all-time low and I have managed to read one. One book this year all the way through, and it was an audiobook. Other than that, podcasts are a great way to learn something, keep up with the news, etc.; highly recommend.

It’s so, so hard. I’m literally an English teacher with 2 degrees in my field, and I can barely concentrate on a short story if it’s not for my students. I think I only managed to finish 2-3 books for fun in 2022? I do think audiobooks help. I use them when I clean or crochet, but it’s still a struggle. My husband has had a lot of success with the Levar Burton Reads podcast (he’s a non-reader due to ADD also)