#ad2016

3-28-18

Sometimes I’m jealous of my friends that are still in the military. Some of them outrank me now, and it’s kinda weird. I’d be at my 10 year mark if I was still in, but I just didn’t want to do it anymore. I got out mostly because of my girlfriend who ended up cheating on me, so that was a terrible choice. But it got me to where I am now, so I guess it worked out well enough.

I'm stressed about moving. Every decision is resting on me. I have to remember that there are no wrong choices. If there was a right way to do something like this, there would be a book about it. I'm in the process of deciding whether to drive or ship my car, sell my car and buy a new one, or sell my car and not have one anymore. Where I’m moving, it’s not strictly a necessity.

I’ve never been in love, and I find that it's pretty hard for me to feel it. I tried to fall in love, but it's always like trying to kick-start an old engine. I need a lot of pushing from the outside. I even started to believe that I can’t feel love, I can only think it. There is still some hope in me, though, that maybe one day I will get to properly feel it with someone. No luck so far, though, and it doesn't look like my chances are high.

My first kiss was with a friend of the family's granddaughter. We were both kids, young, maybe 8 or 9 at the time. It was at a ceremony, one that goes on for three days and nights in a row. Everyone who isn’t participating in it camps right outside of it. One night, we hung out in her tent talking and listening to a little battery powered radio she had. Eventually it got dark and we were sitting in pitch black, quiet except for the radio and faint sound of drums. We talked through the night, and soon it was dawn and we could see one another again. She asked me if I wanted to kiss her, and I said yes. We shared a simple kiss on the lips, right before her grandpa walked in.

When I was 24, my wife and I bought a house. It was early 2008, and surprisingly easy to get a mortgage. We decided it was time to have a kid! It took about two years, but we finally got pregnant, but lost the baby. It was quite a while before we were ready to try again, but soon we were pregnant again. I hoped for a son, what father doesn’t? But it wasn't that important to me. At the ultrasound, we found out it was a girl! After a moment of slight disappointment, I had a flash of inspiration and named her on the spot: Zelda. It wasn't on our list of names, and my wife balked a little bit, but within a day she absentmindedly referred to the baby as Zelda. And so she was.