TLDR - Thoughts and Prayers Suck
Or the difference between two heart attacks.
Neither of them were mine.
Last year, in August, my mother (75 F) had a heart attack. Separately, my brother and my aunt called me and told me I had to drive 12 hours to be by her side. I told them "no". They both yelled at me and told me it was my responsibility. Neither of them were willing to do the drive themselves. My aunt lives closer to my mother and my brother lives in the same state as my mother.
I didn't whine I use weak words like maybe, I said "no". Rather than work on a solution, both my aunt and brother berated me.
When I did go down 48 hours later, I received lots of "thoughts and prayers". I spent most of my time answering phone calls, finding a memory care home for my Alzheimer's-suffering father, and being on the receiving end of lots of thoughts and prayers. No actual help. "How is your mom? You need to tell her doctors to (fill in instructions). Let me know if you need any help."
I am the Medical Power of Attorney so I had to fill out a lot of paperwork, and fight with doctors offices.
When I asked for help, I was told I should be doing those tasks myself. Neighbors and the people from her church prayed with her in the hospital. All of them offered the generic "any help".
My mother refused to take any responsibility for her own recovery. The entire process took many months and many trips. From my house, the drive to my parent's is 7.5 hours. The drive is 3 hours from my brother's house.
On September 1st of this year, my husband had a heart attack.
My sister in law offered to drive down as soon as she found out. My local friend offered to drop off groceries at my door. My husband's friend offered to bring a phone charger to the hospital. Three different people offered to get my son from his college and bring him home (3.5 hour drive). My college friend had my favorite ice cream delivered to my house.
The difference between two heart attacks and one year is huge!
