#actor fails

Sound Board op: Oh look he's moving a mic

Technician: Actor tries to do tech

Me: Actor fails miserably

Sound Board op: Tech goes and fixes it

Russell Crowe

Yes, Russell Crowe is in a band, well was…errr….is? The actor’s most recent band is The Ordinary Fear of God; however back in the 90′s he was the front-man for 30 Odd Foot of Grunts. However sultry and smooth Crowe’s voice may be on screen, it doesn’t translate that well to music.

It’s a good thing that almost nobody heard his music, otherwise it might have tainted his career! (assuming the Theater Society have issued a royal pardon for his singing in Les Miserables)

 Jennifer Love Hewitt

Unlike the other uniquely fucked up contenders in this category, this buxom brunette made her mediocrity a lot more tolerable by being so easy on the eyes. She broke out into the music scene at the same time Buffy the Vampire Slayer made her a household name and bathroom reading material for every adolescent with raging hormones.

Surprisingly, her music made it big in Asia, so record companies let her continue to pump out more trainwreck albums. Although her vocals aren’t Ashlee Simpson-esque atrocious, her pop lyrical stylings are so damn syrupy-sweet and sugar-coated that you could die of diabetes before you could finish listening to her first track.

Steven Seagal

Ok, really. How the hell did Seagal get a record contract? Who is seeing his movies and listening to his music? I don’t get it. Where does someone get the idea that Seagal should even record an album in the first place? The “singer”, and I use that term very loosely here, struggles heavily through the vocals on both his records: “Mojo Priest” and “Songs From The Crystal Cave”- album titles that sound more like awful movies that he starred in.