#acrelazareth

Lotus is not even the first kid he had to take care of, he started off as a foster parent to his own brother. He treated him like his own child at some point and he was rather lonely while doing it but he liked it, they had each other, everything was cool. When his bro got a little older he got more busy with his job as a scientist but still tried to make some time for him, he felt a little guilty about it but he had to make it work.

And then boom, something terrible happens and not only does he lose his job and his own health but his little brother too. He lost everything he loved and worked for, how do you even pick yourself up after that?

He doesn't know if his brother is gone as in dead or just missing

It took some time before he stumbled upon Koda but yeah, It felt nice to feel like someone cared about him again. The way he was after what happened didn't scare Koda off and the other was happy too that there was someone who didn't mind him being around. There were actual feelings there but it was hard to make Acre's fear of commitment and attachment work when Koda was all over the place and going so fast. The reason why Acre agreed to go with him in the first place was because he wanted to give himself a chance and felt like he will be able to leave anyway if anything goes wrong, he liked having that option.

But god did Koda become exhausting after a while, he clinged to everything, believing that holding it together is better than facing abandonment or failure. He didn't know how much of a suffocating atmosphere he created sometimes (and still did years later), he tended to mistake dependence for stability and it rubbed off on Acre. And then Lotus happened. He was scared as heck of another commitment and the anxiety ate him alive, unfortunately like in real life not everyone is able to overcome it. So the only way was to retreat, not physically because he was unable to start all over again.

When Koda found Acre he was at a hard spot in his own life too but for completely different reasons. Service didn't do him any good (even thought he loved the power trips from being important) and his love was married off to this other stinkhead and god did he miss home. When he found that newly met guy struggling and played Mr. Altruistic to make himself feel better about his own life he started to catch actual feelings. And since he's a stubborn bastard hungry for success if he sets his mind to it (he already failed once he won't fail again) he will get their heart. So he did everything he could to warm Acre up to himself then off they went back to his home. It wasn't easy because he himself was always taught to only do things that will be beneficial (and how dare he catch feelings towards an avoidant smartass that gives nothing but tiny bit of love back /s) so he was doing this against his nature a little too.

He didn't plan on Lotus either but he was really happy to have something that ties them together more (and he's still got that mental setting of a rich influential guy who needs a hier to feel secure and fulfilled) and he really throught Acre could just warm up to the baby after a while (and made Acre believe that too)

He excused Acre all his life from that point forward. He remembered how the other opened up to him and he knew what he was capable of, he knew there had to be something that he felt towards their child. If Lotus would complain Koda would shut that down quickly because he knew what Acre dealt with even though he knew it wasn't fair (Lotus started to excuse him too in his head after some time, along with the "I need to impress him to maybe get some love" phase. After many years every once in a while Lotus still ends up crying himself to sleep because he suffered all this time for nothing and he knew it might not be his fault and that maybe he's not the one who's lacking but he still felt like he was and that Acre was excused)

The point is, what made blows from Acre hurt more was that Koda was trying his best to raise Lotus (wow so much money wow so many lessons and books and anything materialistic he could get him!) but when it came to feelings Lotus couldn't count on him either, no matter how much Koda declared the love for his child.

There were moments that made Lotus think there's maybe something he can lean on but it all quickly went back to "well is it good for you to XYZ? Or to feel ZYX?" (Which is confusing in the long run because it's like getting a taste of sugar once in a while but you never get the entire candy. Does the candy even exist? Did Acre get the candy and it made him stay or did he get fed enough sugar to believe the candy is real too while he was starving for something sweet?...)

And then boom Lotus couldn't be happy even about his materialistic things anymore (he hated all of it anyway maybe except his books) because Koda decided it would be an awesome boding experience for him to just start being at home less and leave Lotus to look out for everything once Acre got worse!

He cleaned and cooked and did everything himself (just like he did when he was small and Acre didn't do anything while Koda was at work. At least Demetria had some dinner for him sometimes). The only "plus" was that he thought he saw Acre's shell cracking the longer he spend time with him that way.

Back to Acre, he hated that he was also dependent on his child now and Lotus was so serious about it despite hating it too. He knew the kid didn't deserve it and he was so pissed at Koda, it wasn't supposed to be like this. He felt a bit of relief when he saw Lotus started to rebel against them and it even motivated him to try to actually do something just so there would be no problems (no matter how much he wanted the ground to swallow him whole every time he moved off his couch). He didn't rat Lotus out to Koda when Rurik would come over no matter how much he complained about the noise or Rurik's way of behaving because if the two couldn't give Lotus something then maybe at least this odd kid will. He doesn't talk about it once it's over (just like with everything) but he really hoped something would come out of it so Lotus could get away