#acquisitionsincorporated

I, Qenneth Quiddleman, write this installment of Quiddlemans Queries with a heavy heart. Just a few short days ago one of our own fell in the line of duty. Struck down in in the prime of his life! He was RIPPED AWAY from our sweet embrace! None of us will ever be the same, for here at Acq. Inc. we are, above all else, a family. 

But how did this happen? How did such a magnificent specimen and matchless warrior fall? Let me tell you the story of a hero and our dear friend, Magnus. 

Acting upon intelligence gathered from Tarina at the Elfsong Tavern, our heroes began their search for the dastardly Dead Three cultists at the local bathhouse. A seemingly peaceful place of relaxation and contemplation, the bathhouse was not at all what it appeared to be. What kind of bathhouse needs armed assassins guarding its steaming pools? A bathhouse positively REEKING of rose petals and poppycock! Our heroes, being the intelligent beings they are, saw through the ill fitting veil of lies and were beset by cloaked purveyors of death! Knives flashed, skulls flails flung, spells resounded, and not even the soothing tones of Enya could save these devilish creatures from their doom. The guards were quickly dispatched, and a clever magic item was used to discover a secret passage leading down to...the Dungeon of the Dead Three!

The stinking tunnels before them did not deter them from their goal. There would be death in the sewers tonight. Altars, bones, blood, and enemies were everywhere, but our heroes did not stop! Not even yellow mold can stop an Acq. Inc. Franchise employee! They were truly a sight to behold...even in the gnomes and halflings were a bit hard to see above the sewage. Just be glad it wasn’t company picture day! Ha! 

Using Colin the bat as a scout, our heroes made their way through the dungeon, one painful step at a time. A sorceress nearly claimed all their lives with a fireball, a methane explosion and collapsing roof almost crushed and singed them, flying gauntlets of death bludgeoned them within an inch of their demise, and wave after wave of cultists, zombies, and other terrible creatures tried to lay the Boat Party low...but this day was not one of death for our heroes (well...for most of them). 

As they made their way through the tunnels, they rescued a stinking rat of a man named Klim Jhasso. Being the cautious, wise, business minded, and thoughtful adventures that they are, our heroes gave him a sweet nickname (Klimothy), negotiated terms, and promptly took him into custody after he reneged on the deal he had just made. I do believe this swift action saved many lives. Who knows what nefarious plans this slime ball had in store for Baldur’s Gate!? We are watching you Klimothy...always watching. Are there no good people left in the sewers of the world? Well, maybe one. Our heroes also found a tiefling named Vendetta Kress who had been tortured at length. She said her tortures were looking for information about the Oathoon and Jhasso families, and almost killed her in order to obtain it. Throughout her captivity, she claimed that she continually heard the sound of scraping and slamming from the hallway behind her torture chamber. A possible way out? A secret lair inside of a secret lair? A day spa? Who knew? 

Before exploring this tantalizing new lead, our heroes cleared the rest of the dungeon in front of them, and found a sweet elderly lady shaking in fear and covered head to toe in blood. She told them a harrowing tale of woe and claimed that her captors had tried to drown her in blood in order to appease their god. Fighting through fear, this good and honest woman told our heroes of a secret passage just a passage away. She lead them there, and our heroes trusted her completely and without reservation...because she was the nicest lady they had ever met! Unfortunately, the passage was guarded by skeletons and a woman drenched in blood who was casting spells and striving to kill them. Poor Nebra...we still don’t know what happened to her in the chaos. If anyone knows of her whereabouts, please let us know posthaste! 

Bruised and bloodied from many encounters, our heroes began the last leg of their dungeon scourging. The sounds of battle cause them to peak around a dark corner. What they see is...well...disturbing. A large, ugly, incredibly bloody, club wielding man is standing on a small island in the midst of the sewage. Corpses float in the murky filth around him. Circling him is a man...of sorts. He is much smaller than his opponent, but he is carrying to lethal looking daggers, looks completely uninjured, and...his head is not a head. It’s just a flipping skull. Like no flesh whatsoever. Wouldn’t want to invite this fellow over for a tea party! 

Eleon begins playing a song to rally the big brute (who they want to win...I guess...and Mr. Skull Brain dashes off. The party quickly finds out that the big guy is Mortlock Vanthampur and he tells them that his family is trying to kill him...for reasons. He admits that he and his family have been backing the Dead Three Cultists in order to undermine the Flaming Fist (remember Captain Zodge...he is the reason our heroes are here). Duke Thalamra Vanthampur, one of the big wigs of Baldur’s Gate, is vying for power and Mortlock said he would provide all the information needed to take his family down IF our heroes help him kill Vaaz, AKA, Mr. Skull Brains. Surely Vaaz is not that strong. Not stronger than the Boat Party surely! They agreed to the deal, and sealed the fate of our beloved brother Magnus.

Colin found Vaaz kneeling before the statues of the Dead Three. Our heroes hatched a plan and began the attack. Mila takes knives to the chest as she enters the fight. Blood had been spilled and a taste of the battle to come was foreshadowed. The melee was intense and terrible. Vaaz could freeze the blood in your veins with just a glance, and freeze it he did. His knives danced, arrows flew, statues were smashed, spells flashed, and Magnus stood tall. On this battlefield, Magnus bore the searing pain of Vaaz’s blades so that others might remain unscathed. But in the end...as the smoke and bloody mist cleared, Magnus lay dying upon the stones. Spells and potions were administered, but there was a deep and evil magic in the festering tunnels of that dungeon, and no treatment was enough. Vaaz was conquered, but death was not satisfied. Death claimed our brother too...and also the big guy with the club who was supposed to tell us a bunch of useful information that could have really helped us but now he is dead and he was totally useless and now our job is harder because of him and I hate him. Sorry. My emotions are getting the better or me. I just miss Magnus. 

Anywho. the Boat Party took a bunch of dragony stuff and money and then got out of there. We planned a really nice memorial for Magnus but then some dragon masked dudes crashed the party and kept asking for their stuff back. We abide by that age old rule, “Finders Keepers” and told them to go hug a dragon. The refused to leave so they were killed. We are hospitable at Acq. Inc. but we are not THAT hospitable. They didn’t even wipe their feet on the mat. Heathens. 

Not knowing exactly where to go next, but having the lead concerning the Vanthampur family, our heroes struck out in search of further information. Certainly captain Zodge would not be happy about a Duke of Baldur’s Gate trying to undermine the cities governance. At the Resting Hog Tavern, our adventurers met with many individuals (Benjie, Twick, Wick, and some others) who gave them a few juicy bits of information. There have been rumors swirling about the Vanthampur family and most think they are up to no good. The Vanthampur Villa sounds like a fortress and at least Thurstwell (the eldest son) is there. They also found a lead on Amrik, who seems to be running something of a business out of the Low Lantern on the docks. 

Where will they go next? Will they infiltrate the Villa? Squeeze Amrik for information? Get totally distracted while shopping? Who knows! Tune in next time for a full update on the adventures of the BOAT PARTY! 

Until next time, dear reader! I bid you adieu!

This has been a Qenneth Quiddleman story. All rights reserved by Acquisitions Incorporated - Baldur’s Gate Branch - LLC.

I'm back from NaNoWriMo! I've escaped after barely squeaking over the goal line with 50,005 words.

We now return to our regularly scheduled art.