nightcall | james hetfield
part9: "and you're still the same.''
Oh James, despite the demon inside you, I hated how you could make my head spin.
"Amelia, you need to get rid of that baby because you know…" You left your sentence unfinished and took a drag from the cigarette I thought you had just lit. I wished you would suffocate in that smoke, my love, but when had things ever gone my way? "Abort the baby," you continued, and I was amazed at how eager you were to spew your merciless words. "Abort the baby because I can't be a father to it."
There was about two minutes of silence between us.
Our mistake was too big this time, James. This time we were not eighteen. This time it didn't seem like things would be resolved by our families coming to the police station to sign for us, and I was torn between grabbing the knife winking at me from the kitchen and tearing you apart or slashing my own belly. Of course, it was all your fault, anyone passing by could easily say that, but you felt no remorse at all. What could I do? You were happy with the prostitute hanging on your arm. You didn't want me. You didn't want our baby. You just blamed the other party for everything as you always did and continued with your life.
The clock had already passed midnight again, it was almost morning. You were probably at that woman's house because even you would be asleep at this hour. I guess you had only just managed to get rid of her and were having a late-night meeting with me without even caring if I was available. Because we always played this game according to your rules.
Were you the devil's foot sent to earth, or were we, me and that woman, and all the other women you cheated on me with, too blind to see it? You were never innocent or very well-behaved, James, I already knew that. But you were always very compassionate. You would feel sad for people and curl up in my lap like a baby and whine. That's why, my love, I can't understand when you turned into such an out-of-control man. I never will. Really, since when have you been collaborating with the devil?
Ah James. You know, some things never get better. Some things never get fixed. Some people are never happy. Some lives never start. Some lives are never allowed to be lived. And you weren't allowing it. You wanted to prevent it from living.
These were the words that poisoned everything I nurtured and cherished about you, every thought I had grown inside me. These were your final words that ended an era, that withered my love so big it couldn't fit into a person's mind or heart.
God knows, I wished that the last breath from your beautiful mouth would be accompanied by my name. Amelia, you would say. Beautiful, I love you even with my last breath.
But you know, I never got along well with my fate.
