#acievements

The Big 2-1 is Here!

Happy Birthday to my one-of-kind, amazing, hilarious, talented, quick-witted and so loved grandson, Payton Wallace! The BIG 2-1 at last! These 21 years have been full of wonder, adventure, and watching how quickly our sweet boy grew up and loved life so passionately. In the early years, we found out that he loved the great outdoors, fishing, playing the piano and being a collector of baseball and…

Estos son los logros de Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare

Estamos a mas de un mes para el lanzamiento de Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare y la lista de logros ya se ha filtrado. Queremos pensar que estos, tendrán su equivalente en Playstation.

“SPOILERS”

Carma Elimina a un enemigo con una puerta de auto

A New Era Completa la campaña en cualquier dificultad

Hard Hitter Completa la campaña en la dificultad mas elevada

Excellence in Everything Completa la…

I'm surrounded by papers, text books and novels, yep, I'm revising. Well, I was, but I have suddenly been overwhelmed with this strange feeling I have from time to time. I've never quite been able to describe it. It resembles confidence, but it is different. it makes me feel worth something, like I am able to accomplish whatever I put my mind to, but it isn't confidence. I am not exactly fussed with knowing what it is, I am happy and that is what really matters. But due to my kind of new found mood, I want to write. I want to talk about positive things. About what I can accomplish, and how I can overcome things. 

The majority of the time, I feel worthless, like I am no more than a part of a competition to achieve something a only set few will be able to reach. And that's true, no matter what there will always be someone smarter, prettier and just generally better than you. That's inevitable. But that doesn't mean that you should do what I do and completely reject even trying to achieve your goals. I used to think the only thing I had going for me was intelligence, but I was wrong, I was so wrong. Admittedly without being arrogant, I am intelligent in my own way, I learn things fast, I have photographic memory, I am able to achieve above average. But because I knew I was in a battle I was going to loose, I gave up. Riddled with anxiety, causing me to not attend school, to not try, to have no hope for the future at all. I now know that was wrong and I regret it. I am trying to catch up with almost a whole years worth of work because I avoided school. Social interaction scared me. I couldn't tell anyone because I was afraid it would look like I was making excuses, but I wasn't. It was a legitimate reason for not being in school. I don't need to panic any more. I can get off the bus, rather than staying on until the last stop to avoid school. I can walk to school without feeling nauseous and it feels great. It may not be a lot but I have achieved something for myself. I've overcome an on-going problem which I thought would never be fixed, I know eventually something will happen that will make me stray away from potential success. For now, I have accomplished something. 

Upon self-reflection, which usually results in negative emotions about myself forcing me to isolate myself, I have come to a realisation. I have had an epiphany. I am kind hearted, I never thought I would say that publicly but I am. I feel better about myself when I help others, that's the kind of person I am, and although that is not a selfless deed, nothing in this world is selfless. I am compassionate. I understand peoples problems and I will always do my best to solve it. I may not be a great writer, but I enjoy it, and eventually, because I enjoy it, I will be good at it. I won't be a "great" writer, because I don't write in a "great" style, I write in my own, I write what comes into my mind without thinking if it sounds good or if it makes sense, or if the words I use are too colloquial, I just write for writings sake. I am musically talented, I am able to learn how to play instruments easily, and if I actually put time and effort into it, I would have a genuine talent. I may sound like incredibly arrogant through this post, but I am not, I am just being happy about the things I can be happy about, I am expressing my positive emotions in the same way people do their negative. 

Even though I've just received a phone call from my father telling me he won't be round, again I'm still pumped. Nothing can destroy the positivity of my mood. Well I hope it can't. Being like this however makes me vulnerable, I let down my guard. The brick wall, strong and high, with it's foundations set down, set up to stop myself getting hurt, the thing that makes me slightly cynical, more aggressive and rude towards people, it diminishes. But that's fine, because nothing can hurt me any more. Toxic people and situations were removed a long time ago. So it is okay.