#aceofthefandoms

Roman’s part of the mindscape he lived in was his pride and joy. The room was connected to him, changing and shifting with his thoughts and becoming exactly what he needed it to be at any moment. As Roman sat down at the overly ornate desk in the wing attached to his room, his mind was racing with what to do next. A flurry of ideas raced around his mind, popping up and being dismissed just as quickly. He stared down at the papers in disarray on his desk, his eyes flickering across them frantically. Ideas he had been proud of just hours before stared back at him almost mockingly. Even though he was wearing his prince outfit, he could feel the room growing colder as a chill began to settle in.

“What do I do?” He whispered, picking up a piece of paper before crumpling it up and dismissing it, tossing it over his shoulder. It hit the floor and disappeared in a burst of sparkles, vanishing from existence. Roman then picked up another before repeating the action. Again and again, papers were being discarded and tossed, an explosion of sparkles hitting the floor over and over. Finally, all the papers were gone and Roman sat back in his throne-like chair with a huff. “What do I do?!”

He threw his hands over his face, covering his eyes before they pushed up and ran through his hair. Taking a moment to try and quell is growing anger, he blinked rapidly a few times before staring at the ceiling of his room that mimicked the night sky. A few stars stared back at him while some clouds had begun to form. “I gave him everything... Where did I go wrong?!”

Roman sat in silence for a moment before angrily pushing away from his desk and began pacing. “Roman, you are so important to me.” “I am your creativity! I come up with your ideas! I help you make your dreams come true!” Roman began to shout into his room as the chill settled in more. Every time Thomas had asked something of him, Roman poured his entire being into making sure it was the best it could be.

“I genuinely don’t know what I would do without you.”

“I work so hard every day to create the things you put out into the world! I am the reason we can do this whole thing as a career!” Even Logan acknowledged that Roman was essential with their lifestyle. Roman hated to admit he was a people pleaser, changing his ideas at the drop of a hat just to make the others happy. No matter what he wanted.

“You have gotten me through some of my roughest days!”

“You need me, Thomas! You’ve told me you’ve needed me! You’ve…” Roman stopped pacing, out of breath as his eyes began to water. “You called me your hero.”

“...but I need the other guys, too.”

Why. Why why why.

“Why am I not… good enough?” Roman looked around, the question hanging in the air unanswered. His eyes began to sting with the threat of tears. “I did everything you wanted, why am I never good enough?!” Roman turned and pushed over his chair before knocking everything off of his desk, slamming his hands down onto it. “You wanted to be a good friend so I helped you lie. You wanted to be a good person so I gave up the callback! Our dream! Then you…” Roman felt his throat close up and watched the tears well up in his eyes. His vision began to blur and he blinked, tears racing down his face. “You wanted so much and I gave you everything. And then you told me I was wrong and you sided with…” Roman clenched his teeth, a soft sob escaping him. He pushed off of the desk as the tension left his shoulders. “Why, Thomas? You listen to Remus, you listen to Janus, you… We were supposed to be good.” Roman shook his head and stumbled back, standing in the middle of his room. He heard the thunder roll across the mindscape, the ceiling surely mimicking his mood and now completely covered in storm clouds. “Why am I not good enough? Why am I never good enough for you no matter how hard I try? If you don’t listen to me then what is the point of me?! What more do you want from me? I don’t have anything left!”

Roman felt his legs shake before they gave out, hitting the plush carpet hard. He ignored the sting and clutched his heart as tears continued to stream down his face. “I gave up everything for you, I thought I was being selfless every step of the way. I kept giving and giving… until there was nothing left.” Roman managed a small chuckle between his sobs. “Of course, you don’t listen to me, I’m so useless! I can’t even do my job right! The very thing I was created for! I-” Roman’s voice quivered as he sucked in air, finding it harder to breathe. “I don’t… know what to do anymore… I don’t…” He shook his head and fell, his head nearly touching the floor. Sobs racked his body as he shook, the thunder growling with anger as the sound of torrential rain began to echo through his room. “I don’t know anything anymore…”

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