#ac-z

All of this. I know exactly what you mean. You are not alone.

anything by mary lawson but specifically crow lake

i read it in high school and it reintroduced me to books but i never thought anything of it. it was a lovely well written book. 3 years later i kept thinking about it and i bought it, reread it and i dont think any book has affected me as much as this one has.

"I remember being terrified that he would cry.  His voice was shaking, and he was struggling very hard with himself, and I remember being rigid with fear, not daring to look at him, scarcely daring to breathe.  As if that would be the worst thing; much worse than his incomprehensible thing he was telling me.  As if for Matt to cry was the one unthinkable thing".

i think one of the reasons why i love crow lake so much is because of that paragraph.  i have a very strong relationship with my brother and i am so fortunate to have the absolute most perfect sibling in the world. he’s done so much for me, now then and always and his health took an unexpected turn when i first read it and it was a scary experience.  when my brother was in the hospital, i couldnt stop crying, i couldnt look at him, i couldnt sleep or do anything. i just felt so guilty and kept asking why him.  i mean, of course, kate, the main character and matt, her brother, has a completely different story than mine but i can relate to their relationship being strained.

another reason is because the book is about family and the value and importance of them.  growing up (and sometimes even now), i think i scarified a lot of friendships because of my upbringing of family values.