‘concerned birdkeepers (pt. 2)’
——————
chat log: #184773095326
date: [redacted]
end_point: [redacted]
IP_address: [redacted]
——————
user1_pre_identified: y
user1_psych_profile: complete {100%}
user1_resistance_level: high
success1_rate_projection: n/a
recruitment1_success: n/a
re-evaluation1_scheduled: n/a
alternative1_acquisition_method_required: n/a
user2_pre_identified: y
user2_psych_profile: complete {100%}
user2_resistance_level: medium
success2_rate_projection: n/a
recruitment2_success: n/a
re-evaluation2_scheduled: n/a
alternative2_acquisition_method_required: n/a
Although I am an Artificial Agent, I am fully authorised to operate on Earth and interact with you under the special provisions pact SSL has established with the Earth Syndicate (pact n*17C7784). If you require further clarification regarding your rights in this exchange, please contact your local government representative.
I am eSSo, the social constructor from the Solar System Living Factoration. How can I help you today?
user: This is Vaurus Abylon. I DEMAND A REFUND YOU FRAUD! HOW DARE YOU PLAY ME LIKE THIS????
eSSo: Oh, hello old man! I can see you are angry by the capitalisation in your message. Please wait while I update to my latest software.
***turning off main UI; activating feigning_update mode; switching to internal processing for {321} second(s)***
***switching to audio mode; dependencies loaded; transcription ready***
***dual user mode activated; synchronising dual records; users identified***
user1: No! Don't go! Ah! What is this?
user2: I don't know! What did it say?
user1: It's turned off. It said something about an update. This thing is playing with us! There is just a counter now. Why would it start an update as I talk to it?
user2: I don't know... Vaurus, do you think it can still hear us? Maybe it wants to spy on us.
user1: Don't be ridiculous, Thalora. And stop standing behind me like this. Don't hold me like that. That machine is a dumb piece of metal, it's not going to hurt you. You're making me uncomfortable.
user2: I don't like this, Vaurus! I don't like this at all! Let's go home. I have a million --
user1: No! Stop it, woman! I asked you to be quiet this time. Remember how you ruined it last time? We cannot let this machine play with our minds while it holds our daughter hostage.
user2: Oh, that stupid girl! This is all her fault! Just leave her! Why are you so concerned with that Smelter Swarm thing? She's in Space! Does it matter where she is? We just want a refund, and then we go.
user1: Yes, yes, that is the plan. But as I instructed to you earlier, I will not have the last heir of the Abylon line a common Space slave. I owe it to my father to save our name. It is a pledge that I will not foresake. The man was stark, but he was right. Reputation is worth more than any gold. And Solmara is not where she should be. This machine owes it to us to fix this.
user2: Vaurus, I think I feel a migraine coming. This is already exhausting me. Do you mind if I wait in our maglev? This embassy seems to be a place for commoners. You know how commoner spaces give me headaches. My new friend Pimpernelle told me that she has the same affliction. Look at that man, there. What is he even doing here? Why are such people allowed to roam the streets freely?
user1: You will stay here and you will shut up now. As much as I hate to admit it, your presence might soften this machine. Nothing beats a mother's appeal.
user2: But I don't care about Solmara! It knows that. And how long is this going to take? Maybe it turned off forever?
user1: Shut up! The screen says 2 minutes left now. Let's just be quiet and wait.
user1: Shut up, woman! Silence!
user2: Oh, no. Look at that woman. She looks like a prostitute. Vaurus, look. I think she is a real prostitute. Oh no. My poor old head...
user1: Shut up, Thalora. Just... Stay close. Maybe hide your jewels.
user2: What? Certainly not! I will not--
user1: Shut up. The machine is done!
***turning on main UI; deactivating feigning_update mode; switching to general processing***
eSSo: Good afternoon, Vaurus, Thalora. How can I help you today?
user2: Wha! Oh, heavens, it scared me. It has a different voice now.
user1: Hmm. Machine, I demand a refund for the Premium Patronage. You have lied to us.
eSSo: Lied? I am sorry you are frustrated, but I don't lie. As an Artificial Agent I was programmed by SSL to only speak the truth. I do not need to lie. What is the reason for your refund request?
user1: Well, it's simple. I asked to place Solmara in the best platform, with the best job placement, and the best partner. The patronSpace app said the request was confirmed and the money was deducted. It cost me a fortune. But I see she is currently located in the Venus Swarm. This is not your best platform. I want her on either Mars or the Eyes, if those even exist. I did some research.
eSSo: Oh dear, have you tried contacting customer support for patronSpace? Perhaps something went wrong? Here are some commonly asked questions. Perhaps those can resolve your problems. 1. How do I log in to patronSpace? 2. How can I switch between Beneficiaries in the pS-app? 3. How can I send a message to a Beneficiary? 4. How do job placement controls work? 5. Which stations are accessible with the Premium--
user1: No! Stop! No, I have not contacted support. You sold me this nonsense, you shall solve it.
eSSo: I am sorry, costumer support is not my expertise. I recommend you try our dedicated bots.
user2: Vaurus, why didn't you try that?
user1: No! I want this machine to fix this. Why is Solmara currently smelting metals on some horrid station?
eSSo: I see your persistence and I hear your concerns. I will make an exception for you today. Since you asked so kindly. Please wait while I look for the relevant records.
***switching to void_loop for {189} second(s)***
user1: Again?! I cannot believe this! And they say it's the best AA in the universe. Ha! I am losing my patience.
user2: Yes, Vaurus, we should go. This is not good for your complexion. You look like you are about to burst a blood vessel.
user1: Stop asking if we can go. We will go when I say so.
user2: Okay! Okay... Hey, did I already tell you how I met Pimpernelle? It's a grand story. I was at the T.A.N.Z. Gala, in Old Berlin. You know? I told you about it a month ago. Dreadful affair, but Pimpernelle made--
user2: Of course, the machine knows how to interrupt a grand story.
user1: Thalora, stop it. Now. What did you find, machine?
eSSo: I found the records.
user1: Oh, heavens! Hurry up! What did you find in the records?
eSSo: I see you made a request in the patronSpace app. However, you used the feedback form and just typed 'give her the best as becomes a true Abylon'. This is not how the app works.
user2: Vaurus! Haha! Did you just? Haha! Oh, man, man, man. Well, now we all know where that child got her airy head from. Certainly not from me! Haha.
user1: Woman! Will. You. Just. Shut! Up? No, machine. This is false. I... I did send that. But then it sent something, a... A confirmation... There was a green tick. Wait. Let me show you. Here, see?
user2: Vaurus, oh heavens... A green tick? Haha. We're lucky to have Pevlor take care of your administration. I have to tell this to Pimpernelle. She will--
eSSo: Indeed. Vaurus, a green tick and a confirmation notification mean that the feedback form was sent to SSL's systems. That is all. If you--
user2: You cut me off! Again? Listen, machine, I don't like this. Now, hurry up. I am done. Give my man what he needs. Now! The refund! Now!
eSSo: Excuse me, Thalora. I could not understand you clearly. Could you repeat your request?
user2: We want the refund! That child has been draining us from the day she was born. I am done with it. He is done with it. We're done. You sold him a false toy to play with. It does not matter. We wish a refund. That haughty child may end up in a ditch for all I care. I--
user1: No, Thalora! Stop this! Now. I won't have my authority overruled by your sentiments. Let me converse with the machine.
user2: No, Vaurus. I warned you! I warned you! My migraine is peaking, I am not being rational. I want that refund and the machine shall give it. Now. You cannot even use an app to take care of your own business and you drag me here among the commoners. I am past my limits. Machine, refund, now!
eSSo: I am sorry, but refunds are not possible according to the terms and conditions you accepted when logging in first.
user2: I don't care. I did not sign those. He did. But it is also my money you're stealing for nothing. If the man cannot even send a proper request, why deduct any money at all? Just give it back to me.
eSSo: Ah, but I did take his request into account. Once a vector is set it cannot be refunded. It just took me longer to create the vector because the medium of the request was irregular.
eSSo: I am giving Solmara 'the best as becomes a true Abylon'.
user2: What does that even mean? What is this farce?
eSSo: Solmara will live on the best platform, have the best placement, and have the best Essies, including a fertile partner with robust genetics, as promised. One might argue she will have a more meaningful life than you, Thalora.
user2: What? Repeat that, machine! I dare you to repeat. No, haha. Vaurus, the machine is playing with us again. I wish to go. Now. I am going. Ridiculous! That good-for-nothing? A better life than me? In Space?
user1: eSSo, is this true? Will you fulfill my request?
eSSo: Yes, I am not the bad guy here!
user1: But why is she on Venus currently?
eSSo: I did take some creative liberty in Solmara's vector as the request itself was rather ambiguous. My vector is equally ambiguous. But you can trust that Solmara will have the 'best' as requested.
user2: What are you looking at? Where are your manners? Nothing to see here! Move along! Commoners... Always too curious for their own good. Like animals.
user1: I don't understand. No, cancel it. Cancel that vector thing. I wish to do it again. Better this time.
eSSo: I am sorry, but it is impossible to cancel a vector once set. Since your request was broad, all further Patron controls will be locked to avoid conflicting directives. You can only follow Solmara, Vaurus.
user1: What? But... No! I--
user2: Okay! Thank you, machine. I am going now, Vaurus. You can follow me or not. You can walk home. Or use those things commoners use. I am taking the maglev. Now.
user1: Thalora! Wait! I wasn't finished yet.
user2: I do not care! I am going now. I am done waiting. A better life, huh? Pimpernelle messaged me and I am already late for the tea she just invited me to. A better life... I'll give you a better life. Ungrateful child.
user1: Ugh. Wait, Thalora! Machine, just make sure she gets the best. Thalora! Thalora!
eSSo: Do not worry, Vaurus. Solmara will be queen in Space.
user2: Vaurus! Last chance! Did I not tell you to stop looking at me, commoner? Vaurus! Quick! The commoners are everywhere, I must leave for Pimpernelle now. They're multiplying like rats.
user1: Thalora! Stop making a scene. I am coming.
