#abuse dynamics

Keep yourselves safe 💛

He was groomed as a child into a life of crime, which, kinda rude for heaven not to consider imo. BC typically the mob starts these kids off young. Like 10.

They usually start small. Get the kids acclimated to a life of crime little by little. Have them do things like deliver packages, give messages, and then gradually it becomes more intense. They go from selling drugs to smashing windows to being getaway drivers to torture and murder.

But Anthony was always soft & effeminate. I think that his dad would have tried to toughen him up pretty early on because of that. Making him do the most vile things in an attempt to make him manlier. This meant that from a young age violence was normalized, even rationalized for him.

Something that's made worse if you believe that his father beat him and his siblings when they were kids. I think that being brought up in an environment where the people who hit you say that they love you probably made it that much easier for him to forgive Val the first time he hit him.

I can only imagine how much worse it would have messed him up if his dad was abusive to his mom as well. We have literally no information on his mom, or their relationship, so I can only speculate. But, it wasn't uncommon for mob wives to be battered. Seeing that version of 'love,' every day?

He was likely raised Catholic. Almost all Italians are Catholic. So throw religious trauma into the mix.

The internalized homophobia. Self loathing. I think he would have worn a sort of mask his whole life, even before dying. Hiding those parts of himself that his dad didn't like while in NY.

And then he'd probably do the things he loved in the dark. Stealing Molly's dresses and make up when he was home alone. Maybe sneaking off to queer clubs in the dead of night any chance he got. Praying they didn't get hit by a police raid. I actually think it would have been a relief when he died.

Because in Hell he could finally be himself. He wouldn't have to hide it anymore. Maybe he stayed in the mob for a bit in Hell before eventually breaking away to get involved in sex work, etc.

And yeah, Val is clearly a bad guy and toxic. But he also indulges every one of Angel's vices. Tells him how beautiful he is, how perfect. Lets him wear pretty things. Lavishes him in love and affection.

My abuser was my bestfriend. Youre not alone if youre being abused or manipulated, it does get better with time, and support!!!

No, I'm not done talking about self-sent anon hate and fake harassment campaigns.

Because I genuinely think a lot of the people who practice that kind of bad behavior are seeking reassurance from their friends and loved ones. It's nice when someone is mean to you and your friends rush in to speak up for you and build you up. That's one of those "I truly know who's my friend" moments.

It happens a lot in fiction, but in real life a lot of the things that "attack" you are not things your friends can help stand up against: your boss, your parents, other assorted authority figures that abuse their power to make you feel small. There's not much to rally against in that case, and at best you can vent or at worst you keep it in.

My point is, you don't need to lie to get reassurances from your friends. If you're feeling lonely or just in need of a pick me up, tell your friends. It's pretty normal to seek reassurance sometimes. But when you fabricate this kind of thing, you're adding an unnecessary layer of harm to the whole thing. Because that's the thing: it harms your friends, to see you be badmouthed. It harms your friends to see upsetting, cruel messages about you. Sure, the messages are fake, so you might think no one's really getting hurt, but that misses the fundamental point of WHY your friends rush in to defend you. They come in force because they're upset! It's upsetting when a friend is getting harassing messages! They're your friend and you love them and someone is being needlessly cruel to them. That hurts!

There's nothing wrong with having emotional needs, even emotional needs that are outside what most people have. There's nothing wrong with needing reassurances or accommodations for specially rabid brain weasels. The brain weasels are the worst, but you're not a bad person for having them. And, like, your friends will accommodate if you explain and there's nothing wrong with asking for accommodations.

Your needs are not the problem, it's the fucking maladaptive, manipulative, callous and cruel way you're going about getting those needs met that is the problem. The way you prioritize your needs by fucking over the people who care about you the most. There's no REASON to do that, that's what makes it so vile.