#abtpers

Chaos human seeking balance

Learning how to be a better me

Simultaneously your auntie, your big bro, your lil sis, your freaky cousin, your unc & your plug

Disabled queer hermit with a transient sense of self. Nerdy hedonist intellectualizing and archiving what makes themselves tick. Autistic weirdo tentatively navigating human connection

Technically a god, always a cat, sometimes a dragon

WARNING: Complex and nuanced topics that people may find triggering are discussed below. The intersection of political discourse, ethical quandries, and the full embrace of humanity & beyond. Enter at your own risk

accessible/plain text copy of pinned as of mar 13

I have a bunch of active side blogs, so I'm making this as a more brief entry point for anyone checking out who I am from notifs & doesn't need to see my entire blog intro (it's like 30 paragraphs lol)

this main blog is sfw, but some young or traumatized minds can find it too heavy or triggering from politically charged posts, vents about mental health and other controversial content. I try and tag heavier things to give folks more agency over their feed but I'd still exercise caution if you're only here from a sideblog

blogs:

@persyplayhouse - sfw regressor blog (nsft dni)

@cocoabuttergamma - omegaverse/misceverse lifestyle + therian blog

@craftbin - profile graphics hoard

@ruttingromper - deeply nsft kink, fetish & paraphilia blog (mature audience only)

apparentlyaperson (blog info post/about me)

where I stand: (heavier topics mentioned below)

Immediate needs (to sustain conversation)

- shows curiosity about me. asks me questions

- shows an openness of self, willingness to share

- shares a hobby or interest to engage around, bonus points if they like to infodump

In a friend or partner

- tells me no. sets boundaries. can tell me when they dislike something I enjoy

- communicates AND demonstrates they have or are working on their relationship with themselves to be growth focused but also tender

- communicates AND demonstrates an awareness of their own capacity, and can just own when they fall short of promises

- can be told they've done something wrong without lashing out or completely breaking down to the point I have to caretake (especially if they've done me wrong. I'm way more forgiving about breakdowns if I haven't been hurt by whatever the situation is and they are able to listen to what I have to say after calming down)

- can apologize and make committed attempts to change/grow from mistakes

- lesser than average spoon cost hanging out

- hanging out refills me in some way. it isn't a relief when it's over, I feel happy and can reminisce

- communicates and demonstrates an understanding of both privileges and flaws, knows where work and carefulness is needed

- can handle not talking to me for days or weeks at a time

- can match my wit and humor. enjoys long discussions unpacking various subjects and exploring curiousities

- does not expect me to be the same person every time we talk. does not expect me to label exactly who I am at any given moment

- shares a portion of my political stances, can at least see my side of things

- does something to give back to their community in some way

- is generally respectful of my IDs and treats me either neutrally or kindly

- does not attempt to control any part of my life

Bonus

- can actually apologize in a way that doesn't center self

- hanging out refills me in such a way I might benefit from closer(physically: neighbors or roommates) companionship

- shares all of my political beliefs to the point of organizing/working together

- enjoys physical affection

Traits specific to a little, regressor, or youth with me as caretaker

- can give feedback when things don't feel okay or weird or funny

- enjoys being micromanaged. especially with tools like chore charts, todo apps, or kaban boards

- is encouraged by at least positive reinforcement negative reinforcement optional

- if acting out, still has the self control to not break fundamental rules can break smaller rules without compromising relationship if needing to

- has goals in life outside of the relationship

Traits specific to queerplatonic or romantic partnerships

- our partnership isn't just because we enjoy spending time together, we are actually building towards something greater together

- can see myself still enjoying their company 10yrs from now even if nothing about them changed ignore potential or stated goals. look at daily actions and habits over time known

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

and longer, I've had insomnia for while. I think just past 72hrs was my longest. it comes and goes. sometimes sleep is hard to find. I think the first time I stayed up that long I was in elementary still and having too much fun reading, and I deeply regretted it the next day once I was walking into school lol

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

nah. I used to deeply desire it. especially to correct mistakes. but I've worked so hard to get where I am today. I don't want to do it all over again. too far back in time and I wouldn't be safe. so 🤷🏾

26: What are you craving right now?

spam musubi and a long snuggle with someone laying their head on my chest, and I can play with their hair while we watch something and I scroll tumblr. there are two wolves inside me lol

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

I have a lot of semi-reoccurring dreams. they have continuous storylines. sometimes I'm a different character in the same world, sometimes a repeat later on in their journey. my last dream was a beach setting where I often go when grappling with a tough decision. I spent a lot of time actually on the beach this time. not actually tackling any catastrophic challenges. just wandering around. quite rare for those dreams. and for the first time in a long time, someone came and sat with me. listened to my tale and struggle. it was nice

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

yup! I used to go to the nude beach and I've been to a sex club/resort a few times. I sometimes prefer being naked to being clothed, depends on the setting

I've had a change of heart

I know we can make it better than it's ever it has ever been

I know we can make it better

Digital diary for an Obsessive lil weirdo

[image description: a blinkie that reads “radical inclusion” in all caps. End image description]

Chaos human seeking balance

Learning how to be a better me

[ID: a blinkie that reads “permaonline” in all caps with hearts on either side. END ID]

Simultaneously your auntie, your big bro, your lil sis, your freaky cousin, your unc & your plug

Disabled queer hermit with a transient sense of self. Nerdy hedonist intellectualizing and archiving what makes themselves tick. Autistic weirdo tentatively navigating human connection

Technically a god, always a cat, sometimes a dragon

[ID: a drawing by aniko.arts depicting 5 black dogs surrounding a white dog who is sitting with its head tilted up, with a red circle behind its head. The text at the bottom reads “your life isn’t yours if you always care what others think” in all caps. END ID.]

WARNING: Complex and nuanced topics that people may find triggering are discussed below. The intersection of political discourse, ethical quandaries, and the full embrace of humanity. Enter at your own risk

table of contents

1. about (intro. blankqueers, stances, political alignments. tags. other blogs)

2. housekeeping (who is welcome, who is not. general boundaries & DNI (do not interact). offerings)

3. IDs (identities) (cis. mud (medically-unrecognised disorder). para. trans)

4. Anons

about:

Neurodivergent traumagenic (possibly mixed) system with an addictive personality to anything that promises relief. Enduring unmet support needs

Currently surviving the best I can while starting a new life. Been healing from a pile of trauma. It's an uphill climb, but worth it. I have WAY more stability now than I did a year ago. and joy. Especially thanks to this blog and being in such incredibly accepting communities

I love collecting labels. Diving into new parts of myself. Transitioning to the life I deserve. Chasing my own happiness. And supporting others on the same journey. Special interest in morality and consent

I was sexually active at an earlier age than most and I'm chronologically older than most of you. My traumas have trauma, my kinks have kinks, my neuroticies have symptoms. Not here for drama, just self exploration amongst those doing the same

- Persy

blankqueers, politic alignment, stances:

heavily considering: radeviance (link), progressive accelerationism (link)

crystalqueer (link), honeyqueer (link), identities (pronouns.cc link)

abolitionist (prison, psychiatric, police). disability justice. fat liberation. youth liberation. mad liberation. socialism. anarchism. pacifism. universal basic income. free speech. pro shitty-opinions. anti thought crime.

contact stances: 

my personal behaviour is generally summed up as "non-harmful" or "fully-consentual," however those are in quotations because those terms can have a very wide definition and make a lot of presumptions that are often ageist or speciesist. plus I'm a fucking human and making mistakes is part of being alive. I respect the autonomy and choice of all beings I have direct contact with while remaining aware of potential power dynamics

the simple truth is that youth can consent to far more than people want to believe if given the chance, yet I also understand current shared reality and have no interest in causing harm to a youth (link) (nor getting myself hurt in the process), so I generally operate with caution

where I stand on aam+map (adult-attracted minor and minor attracted person) relationships in a general sense. however in reality I support ANY couple that comes to me for help, giving advice to help mediate conflict and ensure as healthy a connection as possible is reached. if a relationship ends I do not pick sides and continue to support both

animals are also far more intelligent than people tend to give them credit for, however I haven't written up my nuanced thoughts on that yet nor seen a post that represents my understandings. just assume it falls under this vague umbrella of respecting other beings and their ability to live a life worth living

tags:

my content: #persy speaks #persy yaps #askbox

(trans)ID collection tags: #diamond #id collection #hoard #bin

#politic: stances, refuting propaganda, education on basic rights and how to bring about a better future, #youthlib, #persy stance

#discourse: intra-community conversations that feels important to have here

misc: #cute for things I enjoy but flip the dynamic, #star things that stand out

other blogs:

DM (direct message) me for my backup blog - though any good little stalker should have no trouble finding it ;)

nsft blog @ruttingromper

image hoard @craftbin

[ID: a blinkie that reads “do it, pervert”. END ID.]

[ID: an artwork that depicts a skeleton lying on the grass, with flowers growing around it and a snail crawling on it, beside a thorny flower bush. The text in the middle reads “I am not looking to escape my darkness. I have learned to love myself there.” END ID.]

[ID: a blinkie with the narcissistic personality disorder flag as a background that reads “God complex? I find it quite simple”. END ID.]

[ID: a purple userbox that has a square on the left with two hands almost touching with a star between their fingers. On the right, the text reads, “this user supports all plurals”. END ID.]

[ID: a pink userbox with an intersectional feminism symbol on the left. On the right, the text reads “This collective practices intersectional feminism”. END ID.]

housekeeping:

This blog is a safe space for all my fellow weirdos and freaks out there. anyone that society loves to hate or shame. addicts, conflicting identities, factitious or malingering disorders, medically unrecognised disorders, mogai (marginalized orientations, gender alignments, and intersex), liom (labels, identities, and other minorities), qai, furries, xenogenders, transIDs, "scary" personality disorders, (dark) kinksters, (dark) proship/profic, paraphiles, radqueers, radfreaks, radeviance, xenosatanist, yanderes, fleur, etc etc etc. come one and come all, no matter what you call yourself. I choose to trust every single one of you that your personal identity is in good faith and exactly what you need

Not a space for those who are knowingly causing non-con harm with no intention of change. this includes those who ignore RACK (risk-aware informed consent). this includes those in a position of power who know the other person has different intentions for the relationship than you do & they don't know that. this includes lashing out at people for not being who/what you need them to be, this does not include those in active recovery - DM if you need help growing/evolving

anyone can DM or send asks

I am unbothered by being ghosted

I'm happy to answer questions about any of my IDs, experiences or posts that you would like to understand better

if you are in need of help please reach out if you would like me to help you explore options and show you resources to gain more agency over your life. I have been there. my friends have been there. and my whole career is helping people feel accepted and valued as themselves while they figure out how to reach their goals, most of them have very few resources. you don't have to dox yourself in order to receive help. I will never call the authorities on you or report you to anyone, not tumblr, not the fbi (I am usa based but will do what I can to find what's relevant for you)

minors please be mindful in my inbox. I love giving advice and support, but please no heavy flirting

If you see reblogs from overlapping/antagonistic communities it's because I still don't know what everything means and where we are aligned. Feel free to gently educate me

Can't believe I have to add this one, but following or reblogging someone is not endorsing all their behaviour. kill the cop in your mind, association is not a crime

DNI (do not interact): being in support of cops/ice (the immigration and customs enforcement agency)/industrial prison complex/etc. this includes those who have related transID and are planning to transition into law enforcement law enforcement. not in the shared meatspace may be okay, depends on source

self IDs that understand it is a (trans)Harmful identity and therefore requires care to consensually enact get a pass. local militias directly defending the people get a pass. I'm side eyeing if you report people on social media sites for any reason but spam, but I won't ever say anything against you for it

[ID: a userbox with a flag on the left, and on the right is the text “this user is sick and fucked up and refuses to change for you”. END ID.]

main/favorite IDs (identities):

full list and definitions at pronouns.cc (link)

cisIDs: mixed. black. short. dreads. tattooed & pierced(professional & DIY (do it yourself)), queer, genderqueer, non-binary, multi-gender, perspeque, relationship anarchist, polyamorous, bisexual, demisexual, hypersexual, caedotrans, quoibody, quoiharmful, egocorpic, pseudoMAP, (dark) age regressor, rack kinkster, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, fibroids, wheelchair user, cane user, self-medication, HRT (hormone replacement therapy) Testosterone (legal & DIY), mental hospital stays, autistic, anxiety, OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), cPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder), agoraphobia, dissociative identity disorder, polytrauma (cocsa (child-on-child sexual abuse), domestic, emotional, financial, sexual, medical), american, homeschooled, "conversion therapy", homeless, youth shelter, gamer, stoner, psychonaut, addict, nerd, tinkerer

MUDs: permanent overclocking syndrome, overcaring personality disorder, fluctuating fragmented identity disorder, avoidant attention syndrome, fluctuating fatigue disorder, hypersexual fantasy disorder, ocular hysteria, submissive care response disorder, whore personality disorder, sexual curism disorder, plural dysphoric disorder

paraphilias: omnichronophilia, voyeurism, plushophilia, hybriphilia, emaciatophilia, adipophulia, disamelaphilia, zoophilia, boethophilia, peiramaphilia, nodumophilia, tempestasphilia, objectophilia, narcoticumphilia

transIDs: transOmega, transCaregiver (highly dysphoric/activated), transFosterParent (highly dysphoric/activated), transAthlete (highly dysphoric/activated), transDaddysPrincess, transTraffickedChild, transAdored (highly dysphoric/activated), transParasocialSubject, transSugarFamily, transWeight, transFoundFamily (highly dysphoric/activated), transAnaCoach, transAgeSystem, transCyberpunkReality, transPrincess, transRaver, transDaoist, transGeek, transVagabond, transRomComLove, transPhysicalTherapist, transPersonalTrainer, transNutritionist, transHerbalist, transTourettes, transAge, patransPublicSchool (this is both a transID and pastID), transAAC (augmentative and alternative communication) (highly dysphoric/activated)

trisIDs: trisEnabler (highly dysphoric/activated), trisPervertedFreak, trisCSAVictim, trisGod, trisSuccubus, trisActivist, trisCyberStalker, trisADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), trisTaíno (highly dysphoric/activated), trisCultSurvivor, trisWitch

habereIDs: habereGroomed, habereRunaway

permaIDs: permaBeingWatched (highly dysphoric/activated), permaDissociative (highly dysphoric/activated), permaMoaning, permaHairlessBody (highly dysphoric/activated), permaHungry, permaClean, permaHeartbreaker, permaNuance, permaConfused, permaAroused (highly dysphoric/activated), permaOralFixation (highly dysphoric/activated), permaHigh (highly dysphoric/activated), permaBurntOut, permaSpoonless, permaObsessionCycle

nullIDs: nullPain, nullCFS (chronic fatigue syndrome)

pastIDs: pastLongboarder (highly dysphoric/activated), pastRockClimber (highly dysphoric/activated)

definitions:

trans: strong pull/desire/need/calling to be that

tris: some aspect of this is cis, and others trans

habere: by all rights it should have happened

perma: it always will be, or it should always be

null: it is and should not be

past: identified in the past, is still important

[ID: an image of a skeleton. In the middle is a quote by Ferdinand De Saussure that reads “I’m almost never serious, and I’m always too serious. Too deep, too shallow. Too sensitive, too cold hearted. I’m like a collection of paradoxes.” END ID.]

Anons:

⚔️💤

🎀🪽

🕊️🌘

ahhhhhhhh yes!!! you're amazing and incredible and delightful!!! thank you so so much

also thanks for letting me know that link is broken! I'll have to replace it with my archived copy

small corrections to start:

I am a mental health professional not psychiatric professional (psychiatry is a very specific and narrow field of mental health. I collab with them all the time and have taken courses in the field, but don't have that specific cert)

I have discussed transHarmful labels with my mental health treatment team, not my colleagues (well some of my colleagues, but as friends yapping, not with our professional hats on. so I won't include their opinions as professional opinions)

that being said I'm open to speaking on what I know and have experienced.

as a person who's been through many kinds of trauma and neglect as a minority from both skin color and illness. I am used to my anger being weaponized against me. I have often been forced into silence and softness for my own survival. some of my transHarmful IDs are born from this place, and the IDs have been my way to reclaim that I DO deserve to speak up even if society forcibly labels me as violent for doing so. I vent a little about this in another post (this is actually from the time I was wrestling with accepting that the labels were my reality, and trying to justify myself to society. but I don't think anyone needs to justify their identity, it is good however to understand one's identity).

a portion of my transHarmful identities are about empowering myself or empowering others in ways society wouldn't agree with. my mental health team has seen the difference in me since taking on these labels in the long term. in the short term I did struggle with wondering if because I related to these labels did it mean I was doomed. but that was mostly because of societal expectations and cancel culture applying moral values to a person based on otherness. my therapist helped me unpack that and develop a healthier relationship with those feelings, to decide for myself what the labels meant to me

my mental health team believes that overall, while labeling can add pressure of feeling like you're stuck in that box and must conform to any expectations anyone has for that box. that the pressure is not something we have to accept for ourselves. when I proudly claim a label for myself, I get to decide how it applies to me and why. the "healthy" way of engaging with labels should be one of increasing agency and ability to communicate one's self. as long as you are finding a deeper/closer connection with yourself, your able to find self-acceptance and/or keep increasing confidence, then you're on the right track.

this is just one aspect to some of my transHarmful IDs. not all of them are born in trauma or minority shit. but this is the most easily to explain in a mental health context and I don't want to go too long. so we can start here