How to Use your Brain with Tinder
If you are in the dating scene, you have probably heard of Tinder. Unfortunately, it is not called Tender as in treat everyone with tenderly. If you have used Tinder, you probably felt a rush of adrenaline as you looked at profiles and swiped a few photos. Can you find tender care on Tinder? Tough question!
Your friends, others on Tinder, and quite a few dating websites have advice on how to use Tinder to get a great hookup. But when you put your face and profile on Tinder, you are taking a risk. If you want to take that risk, it’s important to understand some of the potential dangers.
Low sense of Danger
If you haven’t gone out a lot, you are most likely to think going out is fun. But meeting people online and going out with them without really getting to know them can pose serious dangers. The person you meet may expect a level of intimacy you aren’t ready for. You want to hold hands; he or she wants to get to the bedroom.
It is awkward for many people to say I have a sexually transmitted disease. But getting chlamydia from a one night stand is no party. Your potential partner could even be a sociopath or have violent behavioral tendencies. You meet a seemingly great person, he or she finds out where you live then does not stop bothering you. That can be really scary to handle. It is difficult to tell a lot about a person based on a brief online profile.
Be cautious. Ask questions. Be clear about your expectations. And if something doesn’t feel right, do not put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation.
Addictive to use
Tinder is so easy to use it can become game like. Faces and bodies are just swiped to the side and the reality that they are actual individuals can be difficult to remember. If you have tried Tinder, think if, when you are with someone you met, if you have wanted to swipe again to find someone new. Most people say they consider the next person they will meet while they are actually with a person they met online. You can just give into the temptation to swipe again and again.
An action that is easy to do is easy to repeat. Swiping with your finger across your phone screen is seriously easy to do. It is hard to stop. Think how many people you see with their faces glued to their screens as they walk, ride in a car or train, sit at a desk etc… Pulling yourself away from your phone takes will power.
When you meet a great person online, you need to quit swiping on Tinder.
People are just a photo
Social Media lets you create a you. You can be funny and smart. You can be adventurous. You can be strongly masculine or strongly feminine. All it takes is a few interesting photos and an interesting bio and viola, you a made up person. If you can make up a new personality, then so can many other people on Tinder.
But even more dangerously, the people you see on Tinder may not really be people in your mind. They may be a fun person to talk to or a body to make your body do what you want. A blond girl may be just like the other 20 blond girls you meet on Tinder. A muscly guy may be just like the other 20 guys you meet online. Individual names, actual personality, and actual feelings can fade into just another person you meet on Tinder.
Do not put yourself in that mindset. Each person has his or her own thoughts, feelings, wishes, desires. Those can be hidden so that the online persona is the only one you meet. Get to know real people
Good relationships start with sex
You get to know a person. He or she is nice and fun to be with. You want to get closer and see how well you get along. Having sex with someone does not create a strong connection. Learning how to speak and listen to someone you like is the first step. You need to get to know the other person and respect him or her as an individual. A physical relationship early on pushes you right past getting to know the other person or developing respect for him or her.
Statistics show relationships that start with sex are not as long lasting. You are more likely to stay with someone if you delay sex. Tinder is also known as the hookup app so about half the people who use Tinder plan on having sex pretty early on in the relationship.
If you want to have someone stick around, get to know him or her first. And keep it between the two of you.
Use your brain
Most people at some point want to have a special someone in their lives. If you aren’t sure what you want or how to have strong consensual relationship, it doesn’t make sense to dive into a dating app that gets you thinking you can pick anyone, anyone can pick you, and people are just fun. If you are constantly in the hook up mode, you are choosing a life alone.
