#abouticy

My new foster puppy <3 He’s completely tuckered out here from a very long trip up here from Tennessee. He was pretty scared (had to carry him in the house as poor thing was shaking so bad he didn’t want to try the stairs) when he got here but he’s calmed down and tried to play with Inara (who does not know how to dog and is mystified by this playful behavior xD).

He’s definitely a cuddlebug even if he’s very squirmy and is trying to use me as a mountain to his goat ;p He’s up and eating his food now and hoping he’s eating the flea pill I put in there as he didn’t want it in the treat earlier. 

Biggest thing is Inara being jealous and she’s very clingy to me at the moment and now that he’s up from his nap is curled up by my feet so he can’t reach me xD But she’s very even tempered around him even as he’s been playing with her favorite toys. So hoping she might learn a few things from this too <3 Hoping to find him his forever home in the next couple weeks.

I just wanted to reach out to you all because I’m seeing this really, really sad and disheartening trend and if anyone knows how that feels or is experiencing it too, it would be all of you. And I just... need a moment to vent and see if there’s any solidarity in this and just be a human (even though that tends result in backlash xD)

Do you remember the days when you’d post the final chapter to a multi-chaptered fic? You’d see this influx of comments and you’d be overjoyed; those lurkers had finally finally made an appearance. You’d see those longer comments, thanking you for the story, telling you all they loved about the fic in a beautiful summary. You’d see people. 

Does anyone see them anymore?

I see bookmarkers these days showing up for the last chapter. All of these ones came in the last couple days. You know how many of them left a comment, even to say ‘thanks, I really enjoyed it!’? None. And this doesn’t include all of the private bookmarks (about 10 more) that I saw in my stats.

I see kudos. The fic got over 60 new ones (yayyyyyy...) at the time of the last chapter. You know how many of those (signed-in, can’t do anything about guests) kudos-er left a comment? Three.

I see subscriptions. This story alone had before the final chapter uploaded over 160. Those are signed in users who said yup, I want to read this fic. The final chapter got 27 signed-in comments. 

Just... where is everyone? Why is it so hard to take a minute after taking at least an hour to read the story to leave a comment saying thank you? To give us a little bit of appreciation?

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts on Tumblr these days thanking fic authors for all of the works while everyone is in quarantine/social distancing; I’ve been generously tagged in a few. Telling them how much having these works to read through means to them.

 But what about us? Do we not need a little positive boost too? I know I sure could.

I’ve spent the last week scared shitless as my grandma -- who introduced me to Harry Potter, who spurred my love of puzzles, who I love to make laugh because she has the best one, who has dementia and nowadays doesn’t know who I am but still has the most contagious smile and wheezing laugh -- was found unresponsive in her room and transported to the hospital. Kidney failure. Very bad. Can’t go see her, can’t even talk to her as she’s not responsive. It’s awful. It’s one of the worst feelings in the world. I’m happy to say she’s doing a lot better as of yesterday afternoon, actually awake and with a bit of an appetite and her prognosis is good. But she’s all alone, with dementia, at a hospital and I’m still worried sick.

A friend’s brother, an EMT,  committed suicide last week. I’ve been spending hours on the phone with her, texting her (and my texting skills are awful) and just sitting on silent zoom meetings with her and other friends so she knows we’re there with her even if we can’t be there. 

I’ve had to talk to worried, elderly residents all week scared to death of going out for garbage stickers, who call because they’re out of milk and can we please help them and all I can do is direct them to our county service because I’m not allowed to interact with them even on my own time due to another coworker’s daughter having pediatric cancer and we can’t risk any extra exposure in the office. She’s terrified too, by the way, but has to keep working because they have so many bills.

My dad lost his job a few weeks ago and my parents have no income, have almost nothing in savings, and no prospective jobs as my dad works in the restaurant industry. It’s hard talking to them, trying to cheer them up, that things will get better, because right now, to them, they’re not. 

So yes, authors are people too. We’re dealing with a lot of stuff too. And hearing from readers, who take the time to leave a comment, can literally be the greatest thing in the world. It gives us that little burst of sunshine, of joy, of knowing our works were able to bring that to someone else. To give them maybe hope, maybe entertainment, maybe an escape. 

Please. Please don’t forget about your authors. Don’t just brush them aside and run to the next work without taking a moment to say thanks. We’re people too.

First and foremost, I hope everyone is staying safe and staying healthy <3 Remember, soap and water are still our best friends, as is maintaining social distancing.

As many of you know, I work for a local government. My State entered a “stay at home” order from our governor yesterday, but alas I am considered essential (somehow, so is the Michael’s craft store and I’m still going “wtf?” over here because we are never going to take this out like this xD Anyways...) so I’m still working every day. My office is implementing measures to try to protect us so I get to tele-commute Mondays and Tuesdays and go into the office the other days while the other half of the office does the opposite with deep cleaning between the two teams. 

I’ve gotten a cold (runny nose, cough, sinus headache, the works) and have been a bit miserable on that end, but it could certainly be worse. Finally got cold medicine today (people need to stop hoarding; took four stops xD) so hoping the decongestant kicks in soon. But otherwise I think I’m doing okay :)  

I was considering doing a little bonus event due to COVID-19 on my Patreon and posting some of the fics from that to AO3 but apparently no one reads (or if they do they don’t comment xD) on fanfiction during a pandemic and I just can’t justify spending all of that time on my end to do so when hardly anyone appreciates the effort.

Then thought about uploading a big chaptered fic early too on AO3 with 3x weekly updates but nixed that idea too due to a lack of engagement. But I guess it’s a good thing people are busy; means they’re not getting too down and hopefully are still able to (safely) work and spending time with family. I bought some unsweetened cocoa powder for a hot chocolate recipe book I got for my birthday that I’m hoping to test out :D 

I’ll end this and say I hope everyone continues to be doing all right, continues to make best decisions for both their own safety and others, and keeps their chins up. We’re going to get through this <3 

Aww, well thank you ♥

It definitely was one of the hardest fics I’ve written to date. I’ve seen and been involved with cases of a similar nature when I worked at the Police Department and let me tell you; it never gets easier. Having to dive into that mindset and that horror is so so hard, but I know how important it can be to for recovery and if my writing is able to help others with their own traumas and experiences, even just a little, that’s truly touching to me. I don’t know when it’ll publish in full but I’m hoping maybe it’ll be able to help other people too, even those who have never gone through that to gain a little insight and a little dose of empathy because this world could always use a little more kindness ♥

I’m doing all right with COVID-19; still working (government job, we’re in it for the long haul) but as you saw on Patreon )(maybe?) I am working two days a week now from home to practice more social distancing. My family has remained safe too, although some financial issues on my parents’ end related to that so I’m donating all of my Patreon earnings to them to help out for the foreseeable future :) Just gotta keep my chin up, hands clean, and keep on smiling. I know we’re all going to get through this :)

Another year gone by. I’m a little older, maybe a little wiser, a little happier out there in real life, and while I can’t say it has been the best year in my online fanfiction world, it’s still one that has now come and gone and I’ve still produced a lot for it :)

In any case, I like to take this time every year and do something for others because that’s what makes me happiest and is the best birthday present I can give myself. So like last year, I’m doing a little comment fundraiser and donating whatever that amount is to the zine charity of The Anti-Cruelty Society ♥

For every comment that is left on one of my fics (with a few stipulations, keep reading) I will donate $1 to The Anti-Cruelty Society. 

Since I am not made of money and I don’t want a rush of spam there are a few guidelines to leaving a comment. They are:

Comment(s) must be left on AO3*. It can be on any story; one you’ve never read and decided to try, an old favorite you never left a comment on, an old favorite and you want to revisit...

The words “Happy Birthday Icy!” or something similar should be somewhere in your comment so I can track this.

Comments have to be minimum of 31 words (you know, since I’m 31 now) although please, feel free to go longer. Please make the comment primarily about the fic; the writing, the plot, a scene, etc. and not about my birthday/the fundraiser / etc.

*If you’re a Patreon patron you are also welcome to leave comments on the Fic of the Month Fics, Your Biggest Fan, or any other exclusive fics on the site :)

I’m capping this at $131 but I’d love to donate that whole amount to the charity so please, spread the love all around so I can ♥ This will run through December 18 :)

(Also, please feel free to check out the Keith Zine charity raffle! Goes through this Saturday and tickets cost only $1~!)

Correct! I do have freckles! ♥ They’re only on my face but got a bunch across my cheeks and nose and they sort of spatter on the rest. Fun fact: my twin and I are the only ones out of 13 cousins on my mom’s side to have freckles! 

My eyes though are very dark brown. Like pools of dark swamp mud ;p My brother though does have hazel :)

Reference below ;p 

I know this isn’t really related to this page, but it’s a big milestone and I wanted to share it with you all ♥

As many of you know I have been working for a police department for ~ three and a half years (one and a half of that on overnight) and while I love parts of my job I very strongly dislike others and it is not something I personally wanted to do long-term.

I’ve been (semi) actively looking for a job for about the past four years in my field, but I have always been told after the interview in feedback I “just don’t have enough experience” and my own Village, when I went for an admin assistant job, told me I was “too personable” (whoops ;p). It’s been a hard few years of being told no, not enough, without any direction on how to be what they are looking for and most of my avenues cut off as I am not allowed to freelance in the area due to my position with my current Village.

But all things happen for a reason and I have accepted a new position, set to start in late May (trying to give my police department as much time as possible to begin hiring as it can take six months) with a different Village where I will be in charge of all of their writings, newsletters, social media and community pages and, not so fun, a host of administrative duties as well. 

This is one of the most personable, laid-back, kind organizations (government or otherwise) I’ve ever seen and I’m so excited to be a part of it. And one of the best parts? I will be back to normal people hours and no more overnights!~ That does, however, mean my rate of writing will be slowing as I won’t have the free hours overnight anymore to do so (I damn well better be sleeping ;p). 

But yes. Icy has a new job, a career really that I can see myself retiring in 35 years down the road (dear God) and I’m just so so so excited to begin this new journey and step in my life! ♥

March 7 is a pretty important day to me these days. It is As Color Fades Away’s birthday, two-years-old now what a cutie, but even more than that it marks my two-year anniversary of not just entering the Voltron: Legendary Defender fandom but reigniting my passion for writing. Buckle in if you want to read this, apparently I’m writing a story here.

Up until that point from 2011 -- 2017 I had pretty much given up on ever writing anything outside of press releases or news stories ever again. I’d been told my writing wasn’t all that great, my plots and characters not engaging and getting a C in creative writing my senior year of college pretty much hammered all those nails into the coffin. I would be better off, said my adviser (who also gave me the above C and was an “accomplished” writer in both journalism and creative writing and so of course he knew what he was talking about) in putting my efforts into journalism where I “had a voice” and could use it.

So I did. And I gave up writing creatively and all dreams for my novel because obviously who would want to read it? 

I tried a couple times to get back into creative writing via fanfiction, writing little one-shots for an anime convention’s fanfiction contest. I tried to update one of my long-running Harry Potter stories (a sequel) that had had an amazing following. Almost none returned and the new audience to my one-shots was minimal. Every single time was just another nail, another “see? no one wants to read anything you write,” and I planned to close that chapter on my life for good.

In late 2016 while at anime conventions I kept seeing this show called Voltron popping up and congoers kept asking me if I had merchandise for it. I’m like, nope, never heard of it, but maybe I could watch it and see if it’s something I could draw for. First episode I wasn’t sold, almost quit. But for the sake of drawing fanart I kept on, figured I’d make it through a few more before I could say I “knew” enough to draw for it and call it a day. Let’s just say that the Fall of the Castle of the Lions happened exactly where it needed to as I fell head over heels that day for Lance. I binged seasons one and two without pause and was left sitting there wanting more.

And then something strange happened. I had a little tickle in the back of my mind that said write and I was like, no. Must draw. Write pushed harder and I said fine. I’ll scribble something down and move on with my life. The next day, March 7, I had the first chapter of what was the still untitled Color. I posted it after hemming and hawing over a title with very little expectation and there’s still the original author’s note on the bottom stating, “I'd love to hear what your thoughts are on the story so far; they'll let me know if I should be continuing this.”

Now granted I didn’t get like an immediate rush of commenters or readers. It was a slow trickle. But I knew going into this fandom from clicking through pages of stories that the commentetaorship was rather low. And the first comments I got were your very, very basic, “this looks interesting, I’d like to see more,” which weren’t very inspiring. But it was enough to get me to write a second chapter. And then another. And another. Somewhere in there I had the thought “I really like doing this, I’m having fun,”  And the rest is history. Or, er, fanfiction? ;p 

This isn’t meant to be a downer of a post, but more of just a way to show you where I’ve come from. This fandom and writing Color gave me back the passion and joy I once had for writing. It made me believe that someone out there did want to read my works and maybe, maybe, they’d someday want to read that original novel idea of mine. So thank you. Thank you for your comments. Your passion. Your excitement. Your support. It literally has changed my life.

The past several months have been hard; I’ve lost a lot of friends in both the fandom and fellow authors (of who I hope all are doing well and are happy) and my fanfiction and the amount of it I was producing began to feel more like an expectation by most rather than a treat. It hurt. I felt underappreciated. It culminated when the expectation I had for Color’s finale (after 430k words, over 800 subscribers, 80 chapters, I thought this last chapter would of course bring in all those lurkers, those people who had been absent for months and months but who I knew were still reading my works) didn’t happen the way I had hoped it would. I began to withdraw, began to plot my way to leave. I wanted to focus on my novel anyway. I had real life things that needed my attention. This was for the best. As of not even a few weeks ago that was still my game plan; finish posting the fics I had and leave.

But I couldn’t go. Even with all the drama in this fandom, even with how the series ended and decisions made throughout it, even with how it can make me feel because I get so invested and pour so much heart and myself into it and it hurts when that validation doesn’t rise to the levels I had hoped, I couldn’t go. I love you guys. I love writing fanfiction. I love and appreciate the fans and readers I still have, to the new ones who have joined me. So I’m still here ♥ I can’t say for certain how long but I hope for a good while still. I’m trying my hand at a Patreon to help financially support me some so I can justify spending the time to do so. If you want to help me out on that front, I’d be so grateful. Literally even $1 helps and to have that sort of monetary support means so much. 

So, happy birthday to Color. Happy anniversary to me. And not just a giant wall of text for you but my eternal thanks and love for helping me find my passion again.

Thank you ♥