#aboutak

One of the ones about Joe Alwyn

I’m blissfully happy for the first time in my life

The way you look at me

It’s the first time I’ve felt seen

Until

You make me feel like a Taylor Swift song

One of the old ones about her exes

How you won’t speak to me

I feel so distant

Can we go back

6 times you’ve needed to bring a shirt for work the next day

6 times you forgot to take these with you

Apparently you’re very forgetful

It came from a boy who does not know I don’t like roses

Daisies are my favorite

A simple gesture

Simply unwanted because it came from the wrong boy

Would I be more ecstatic about a rose if it was from the one who’s on my mind

Or would I still not want it

Something I’ve never eaten

You were bewildered when I said that

You said we would have to go

You seemed so excited about this adventure we could have

A single sock fresh out of the dryer

Printed with this whimsical print

Most of your socks are

This one was left behind

Your sushi sock now sits in my bedroom floor

Tucked inside one of the shoes

Sitting in my bedroom floor

I could bring them to you at work

At the place where we both work

I could

But then they would no longer be in my bedroom floor

There would no longer be any incentive for you to ever set foot in my home again

No reason to speak to me

This is how my brain rationalizes holding your shoes hostage

Not that you’ve mentioned it

This is just what I think of every time I trip over these

Worn out black and white checked vans

But now it’s the only thing that helps

Is to sit out in the cold

It is the only thing that numbs the pain you’ve caused here

The worst part

Today was the first day in 5 that I didn’t go over and over and over in my head a conversation I want to have with you

Today was the first day I didn’t reach out

Today I took a step back

Maybe that’s what you want

I don’t really know

I thought I was getting to know you

But maybe I just was assuming too much

Baby steps

Forwards

No

Backwards

I reach for it

Hoping your name will be there

It hasn’t been for quite some time

I don’t know how you do it

How you keep it all inside

Does it not drive your mind crazy

To keep everything to yourself

Even if you don’t want to talk

About the stressful things

I wish you would at least just say hello

Let me know you care

That you miss me

Because my heart misses you

If you don’t want to reach out

If you don’t miss me when you’re not here