#abigailstoybox

I still blush when things I fangirl about, whether they're works of literature or shows, come up in conversation "out in the real world," but I've finally embraced the fact that our passions, whatever they may be, are the things that make life that much sweeter. Love of sports, of opera, of food rarely get side-eyed, and I refuse to accept judgement for flailing over literature and language and television and fictional things of all kinds. Some of my earliest memories are of climbing onto my grandmother's bed early in the morning with a book and prying her eyelids open to read to me (which in retrospect, was a horrid thing to do baha) because I just couldn't wait to engage with my favorite stories, of creating my own "books" through painting and, as soon as I learned how to write, words. Fiction has been my driving force since I was a toddler, and I refuse to resist it any longer. So what if reading is the most calming thing on the planet for me, sobbing over shows the most therapeutic, and analyzing literature the one thing that brings me most to life?

What I love so so much about this website is that we're a group of people who understand that. We understand it, and we embrace it. We're all incredibly passionate, and we connect and engage with one another because we share a bunch of different interests and beliefs, and we find one another because of those things. We jump past the superficial façades and straight to the things that matter. We don't judge each other for our passions or our fangirl tendencies. We discuss the things we care about, and we get to know each other through that process. It doesn't matter that we live in different countries or come from different backgrounds or are of different ages. We're intellectually compatible with one another, and we connect because of it, and it's because of our differences that we then go on to learn from each other. We all have so many different things to contribute, and I just will not stop being being thankful for the fact that we live in a world that allows us to find one another, and where it doesn't matter we can't see each other face to face to interact. 

I have however been lucky enough to do exactly that and meet some of you in person this year. I know meeting people you only know through the internet can be a scary and disappointing experience, but I've been very, very lucky so far. Meeting with Clara and Cristy earlier this month felt like the most natural things in the world where we could carry on our online conversations at ease. 

It's also no secret that I've been going to school with Rory and Abby over the past few months, and I just cannot even begin to express how much it has meant to me to be around them in the day to day. I've made some great friends away from tumblr over the past few years who I love dearly and am so thankful to have not only for being their lovely selves but for helping me to open up with actually being myself and not feel like I'm constantly being judged by those around me, but spending almost all of my time with Rory and Abby has taken that to the next level. Everything I said above applies to them as we connected because of our interests, but then interacting with them in person has helped me to come the rest of the way out of my shell.

I'd known Rory for almost three years before we met in March and Abby for quite a few months when she came here in September, so we weren't strangers to one another. We came from the same little corner of the internet, from the same fandoms, read each other's crazy tags (or rather... they read my frightening ones and I read their lovely ones), and shared a sense of humour, and so for possibly the first time in my life, I was able be around people without needing to dismantle countless defensive barriers. I was immediately able to be myself around them, and I've had so much fun with them over the past few months. I've also grown because of it. I'd gotten my self-esteem back long before they arrived, thanks to years of hard work, but I can't even begin to say how much knowing them has done for me. Self-esteem and confidence are things you need to build for yourself, yes, but seeing years of effort pay off by finally feeling socially at ease around people is a beautiful thing. 

I'm not going to begin talking about each and every one of you because this has already gotten to be far more personal than the few words that popped into my head as I was working on an essay and any more is going to traumatize my cold little heart, but suffice to say that I adore everyone of you that I get to interact with as often as I do. I could go on about everyone on this list, but Anya, Maggie, Gina, Gemma, Teresa, Shoshana, Amy, Raquel, Lauren, Kylie, Jessica, I'm especially thankful that this year has brought us closer together. <3