Excuse me sir? I'd like you to explain why the fuck you thought it was necessary to comment on my umbrella usage (and also why did you call the rain a tinkle nobody says that it's sprinkle you dumbshit) You don't decide how much rain must be falling before I choose to use an umbrella. I'll have you know that it had just started to sprinkle when I left my apartment and, not wanting to stop and get soaked while fishing it out of my bag when the rain inevitably picked up, I chose to use my umbrella. I understand thinking it's a little weird for someone to have an umbrella out already, but it in no way affects you and it does not justify a judgmental remark out loud. Furthermore, young women typically do not like to be addressed by strange old men on the street for any reason, even an innocent one. You weirded me out almost as much as the (drunk?) guy in the bookstore who showed me his suspenders after commenting on my bra straps. So please shut the fuck up and keep your opinions to yourself. Thank you.

I've never in my life texted the wrong person about anything. But last night, I texted my mom about deancaspornlookalikes. Oops I've never heard people having sex either, but that also changed last night when my neighbors were having some 2am naked fun.