#a.s.words

The Winter Doctor - Watcher of the Dark

please just cup my face within your hands like the leaves shielding a bud too tender to face the world.

Clothed

Sometimes, you've got to say the words that were left stuck in your throat. Like a bone lodged stuck within the powerful jaws of a (domesticated) sherani stopping her from sounding that mighty roar. You were that bone, And now I've got to pick you out.

I'm really sad today and I don't feel comfortable sharing that with anyone right now, but I need to get this sadness off my chest. I'm scared that if I walk out on to the street I'm going to burst into tears. I don't know why. People always think I have this strong and outgoing attitude but it isn't true. I'm so vulnerable and shy and sensitive. I guess I don't let anyone see it. I don't know why I'm so sad right now: loneliness, a weird alienation. But I wish I could surround myself with the people I love instead of being far from them, both in space and in my mind. I think I only have myself to hold responsible, because I push people away. I build up walls between me and others simply by not letting them in. The fact that I'm typing this out, that I only was able to write this out in a virtual wasteland - honestly, I'm still uncertain if I should be writing it. I'm scared to let my guard down. I struggle to trust, there is the only evidence of pain, therefore I can only assume that I must accept that pain rather than drink away into my delusions like every other 20-year old I am surrounded by. The world is a painful place, and no soul means for it to be. We all just transfer pain like we breathe out carbon dioxide. It's all just a big mistake (condoms really aren't helping are they; humans everywhere, pain everywhere). I feel better sharing my thoughts with this virtual space. I wish people were more nonjudgemental, it would make things easy. Easy to breathe.

To the guy who liked me,

To the class president,

To the best group of people,