#a.k.rx

We all have many soulmates, many types too: romantic, platonic, sexual, and some in gray, clouded combinations of something “other”, in my opinion. (Perhaps, souls in past lives in which we deeply knew.)

I know mine are all probably out there, mostly isolated from the world too. I hope despite our temperament, that fate will bring us together, at least once in this lifetime.

If nothing else, to let our hearts and souls kiss, once. Take in embrace, only once, one another; just a breath of the others essence as it escapes the senses, leaving only the faintest fragments of a memory of a memory, swiftly leaving just as quickly as it came, to be suspended, both of us, dizzy, in a fog of a deliriously, dazzling, dust.

(It is in this, and solely this, that I live, love, die and trust.)

Kiss your blood off my knuckles and I’ll kiss mine from your lips. You have such a way to hate me so kindly, I feel and taste the love pour from your fingertips. Take your time, make sure to make it last. Please, carry it out as long as you can so onto it, we might truly grasp. Or at least a little while longer, because so soon after I miss,  the tender movement of our hips.

Fading into the gray, And I lie to myself and say, ‘It’s fine..’ That, ‘it’s okay’, Going on as we do in this way. Not a day can pass without me wishing for something more though. But you being you and all, I’m afraid to say, all that you don’t know. The feelings I feel written so clear to see, In every time you so much as look at me. But if that had been true, well, I’d hope by now, you would have said so. Part of me wishes I’d just ask, worst you could say is ‘no’. But if that were really the worst-case scenario, I would have done so, long ago. The very worst thing, the thought always inside my head, ringing, that keeps me up at night. It's that, in the end, my doubts which haunt me, might be right. Still, you grant me peace of murky secrets, whispered only ever here, in dead of night. places only we know. where in the dark we glow so hot and bright, like embers lighting our way to a place where everything feels alright. for a while anyways. the love we share only ever here, makes us pure, everclear. What a shame only that it lay here when we go back to lives out there. But oh, how beautiful, more than worth while. If i could never leave this land of death you bring me to, never to the land of living again i would gladly go... For you. Deny my condemned spirit entry back into my body once you’ve killed me tonight, So, this that time, my love.. To stay with you, here, forever, I just might. -- A.K.Rx

(Wanted to just add some quotes too:)

Title: Боролся, изнемогая, взял, разорвал в клочья и умер с улыбкой. - Struggling (fighting), exhausted, he took it, tore it to shreds, and died with a smile.

Простите меня, - Forgive me, за слабость, - for my weakness, судьбой, то есть. - fate, that is. Вот как идет история. - Here’s how the story goes. У вас идет кровь из носа. - Your nose is bleeding Пахнет так же сильно, как роза. - It smells as strongly as a rose. Так странно, отчаянно, люблю, - So strangely, desperately, in love, то есть, стоит стоит. - that is to say, It’s worth it. Такую дружбу не скоро забудешь. - This is friendship, one which you can’t soon forget. -- A.K.Rx

Dear lover,

Bleed me out.

But when you’re done,

And you have to move on,

Hang me up to dry after you’ve had your fun.

Sincerely,

Wicked and divine.

But best of all, my love.. you’re mine.

“I’ve been good for a while,

I think?... I’m good... but then,

I wonder if I’m trying to convince myself.

Because lately, it’s been all too easy-

starving myself, of love, closeness, of art and all it’s richness.

To lay, and decay, all day, alone…

Anyways... that’s all grown easy for me, you see,

but, to do a damn thing else feels worlds away.

And I couldn’t swim or run there if I tried with all my might,

not even with my largest of stride.

Maybe that’s why I lay up sleepless every night.

I can see it just there, it keeps out running me,

just as all the things I love, try as I do.

It evades me just the same as the words that hang above me seem destined to.

So plain to see, yet in a language I can’t ever learn to read.

So, I don’t want to eat,

I barely even need to drink,

my need for life is gone... it seems,

as I sort out my thoughts to pages,

that an improbable truth is,

that try as I do,

I can’t stop from thinking of you.

Every minute of every day.

“It’s not fair” roars inside my head on repeat,

“none of it, not a goddamn part of my life.”

But I’m happy with how I turned out,

I’m happy with who I’ve grown to become!

That should be enough,

that's I'm proud of myself, all the work that I’ve done.

All the tears I’ve bleed for the fears I’ve faced.

That should count for a hundred times over all the hurt I can’t stop myself from fixating on.

Cause you’re gone,

and i should know better by now,

to let you stay gone.

But I always reach out,

hand caught once more in the trap.

You hurt but you mend,

I break and bend,

Over and over for you, again and again.

Doesn’t matter how alone,

how blue,

how long?

Doesn’t matter, one bit,

cause when you’re not with me time drags on,

when you are, it’s suspended like us.

When you left me hanging in the bomb dust,

breath labored,

scared as I was,

I stayed there waiting for the smoke to clear...

but once it did, you weren’t there.

Time?...

I have learned, never to trust.

Nor love or lust.” -A.K.Rx

(Pinning to go back to to edit sometimes into something more)

Bury me at make out creek.

In honor of this stifled heart n heavy bones that tirelessly seek.

For all the things I’ll never get to be,

for all the faces of the people I’ll never get to see.