#a.c.e request

Seyoon;

Too long; He had been gone for too long for me, I felt myself forgetting his touch and the way it felt to have him laying next to me the longer he was away from me. My boyfriend of four years, Kim Seyoon, had been away for months. Leaving for a world tour and then home to visit his family before coming back to me. I laid awake in bed waiting to hear the sound of the doorknob turning and being able to hear him shuffle into our apartment. But soon the clock on my bedside table read 3:45 A.M and he still wasn't home. Making my heart ache.

I had been with him almost everyday since we started dating. His laugh and smile making me feel complete. I started to doze off with thoughts of his gentle touches and the way he would kiss my neck while standing behind me when I hear the doorknob to the front door turn.

I'm quick to get out of bed and rush down the hall to see him setting his suitcase down at the door and take off his mask and hood that covered his head. His soft brown eyes meet mine and a bright smile spreads across his face.

Before he can say anything, I run into his arms, making him crash against the front door. The door groaning from our full weight hitting it suddenly. I hold him tightly in my arms and breathe him in deeply, never wanting to let go.

Seyoon was the first to speak. "I missed you."

"I missed you most."

Seyoon holds me even tighter and runs his fingers through my hair, making my sigh out against his shoulder as he buries his face into my neck. His breath fanning over my skin causing me to shiver slightly at how good it felt to have him touching me once again.

I pull away just slightly to look into his eyes, a soft smile lighting up his features. He pecks my nose gently, making me close my eyes. He kisses my nose again and then moves to my forehead, then my cheeks. His lips leaving drawn out kisses against my skin.

I run my fingers through his hair gently which makes him lean his head against the door, letting me support his head in my hands. I close the gap between us and start kissing his mouth deeply. Making him take a intake of breath and wrap his arms tighter around me, making sure every inch of us was pressed tightly together.

I'm not aware of anything else as the seconds tick by. I only feel his lips opening against mine and his hands gliding against my back and to my face to somehow get our lips even more melded together then they already were. I only feel him as I keep him pressed against the door and leave deep kisses against his neck, making him lean his head back more to give me access. Letting me do whatever I wanted to him.

He's the only thing I feel and taste until the sunlight bleeds onto the horizon.

*****

Byeongkwan;

I always hated when we were apart. Byeongkwan leaving was always hard to see and it was hard to be without him. He had left for an entire year to pursue his love of music. Of course I supported him, even though I knew I wouldn't be able to go with him and he would be busy. And we knew it would be at least a year before we saw each other again. But we were okay with it. Because we knew we could make it. It was hard, but the day had finally arrived that I would see him again. I had had enough of only being able to text or call him, I missed him. His body, his taste, his breath in my ear. I missed him as a whole.

I had rushed to his apartment as soon as he said he was home and some of his friends had left. I wanted to pick him up at the airport but work wouldn't allow it. Making me frustrated and even more anxious to see him.

I knock on his apartment door and tap my foot impatiently. Soon I hear footsteps from the other side of the door and Byeongkwan's smirk greets me. I giggle at seeing him again in person after so long, feeling giddy. He takes my wrist and pulls me inside. Closing the door behind us.

He wraps my legs around his waist and picks me up, spinning me once before kissing my mouth deeply. A deep hum leaving his throat as he encases my lips with his. Making my entire body heat up and tingle.

"I have missed you so much." He whispers between kisses. "You look amazing."

I giggle against his lips. "I missed you too, BK." I leave a drawn out kiss on his lips before slowly pulling away. "You aren't leaving again, are you?"

Byeongkwan shakes his head. "Not for a long while, baby. But we have a lot of making up for lost time to do."

I suck in a breath as he starts leaving a row of bites on my jaw down my neck. His kisses and bites deep and harsh, his missing me evident in the way he held me. Our kisses our messy as Byeongkwan walks to his bedroom slowly. It felt like forever before he was hovering over my body and leaving deep kisses on my collarbones and shoulders. His breathing going deeper and harder as time wore on. It felt like even longer before I finally felt the skin beneath his shirt. His muscles tight yet soft. His eyes darkened with every tracing on his stomach and arms I drew.

We didn't stop to talk and catch up until the sheets were tangled around our bodies loosely and dark marks had formed on both of us.

*****

Jun;

I sat in the living room, watching the needle on the clock counting the seconds down to a minute. It was 12:34 at night as I bounced my knee waiting for Jun to come home. He had been gone for 3 months, the longest he had been gone since we were together. We knew it would be hard, but we had managed well with video calls and text messages. However, 3 months was a long time to go without touching someone. I missed running my fingers through his hair as he held my hands, rubbing circles over my thumb with his. I missed hugging him from behind, wrapping my arms around his stomach before his hands came to rest over mine as he laughed and asked what I wanted. I missed his lips on mine, every tilt of his head that deepened the kiss as his hands pressed against my lower back, pushing me flush against his chest. I had missed his touch and I was going to wait up for him so that I could feel him again and not let him go until we had to get up for breakfast in the morning.

My thoughts of Jun were interrupted as I heard the front door open. I jumped from my spot, running to the door to find Jun rolling his suitcase into the small hallway that welcomed you into our apartment. He smiles as he sees me, opening his mouth to speak, but all he gets out is a huff of air as I crash into him, wrapping my arms around his back and laying my head on his chest.

"I'm worried that you didn't miss me." He laughs, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer to him.

I let out a sigh of contentment, finally having him back making me feel relieved. He holds me tightly before he pulls back, attaching his lips to mine. I kiss him back feeling my heart pick up speed at the feeling of his lips. His hand trails up my back, pushing deeply into it and making me sigh out against him, feeling my muscles relax when his hand goes over them. His hand reaches the back of my neck, deepening the kiss as he backs me up into the wall, holding the back of my head so it wasn't against the wall. He opens his mouth against me, encouraging me to do the same where he meets my tongue with his. His tongue rests against mine as he groans against my mouth feeling all of me pressed against him.

My hands reach the bottom of his shirt, pulling at it to indicate to him I wanted it off. He pulls away from me, letting me pull his shirt off while he does the same with mine before reattaching our lips together. His free hand rests against my side, rubbing his thumb over my skin. My hands rest on his shoulders, feeling them flex as he moved his head each time to deepen the kiss. We pull away after awhile, resting our foreheads against each other, Jun smiling widely as his breath fanned over my face.

"I missed you so much." He admits, placing a quick kiss over my mouth before returning his forehead to mine.

"Not as much as I missed you." I tell him with a smile before pulling him back down to my lips.

*****

Donghun;

It was early in the am's as I slept. It wasn't a restful sleep, because I was waiting for my boyfriend to come back home. He was away on tour and he was scheduled to get back tonight, but not until late. I had waited up for him, but my eyes grew heavy, so I went to bed, waiting to wake up until I heard him come in.

I heard his footsteps walk into our room, alerting me of his presence. I sit up in bed, seeing him in the light of the moon that bled through our curtains. His eyes were tired when they focused on me, but he smiled, his eyes creasing.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He whispers, his bare chest on display making my tired brain distort.

"I wasn't really sleeping well. I wanted to wait for you." I tell him as he crawls into bed next to me.

"What did you want to do after I got home?" He asks, his voice deep as he faces his body towards mine, his smile mischievous.

I gulp as I feel his body heat from his close proximity, my mind going blank. "I just wanted to see you."

"Did you want to touch me?" He asks, his voice gravely as he takes my hand in his, bringing to his chest and laying it flat over his chest, his hand resting on the back of mine to keep it against him.

I let out a shaky breath as I feel his heart beat against the palm of my hand, his skin hot to the touch.

"Or did you want me to touch you?" His other hand goes to my thigh, trailing my pajama shorts up my leg before he grabs it, rubbing his thumb across my skin.

I gasp at the feeling, my hand shaking against his chest.

"Did you want to kiss me?"

His head moves forward, his lips grazing against mine. "I've waited to kiss you."

With those words I push my head forward, meeting his lips and grabbing his head, keeping his lips against mine. He had a habit of pulling away to tease, but I wasn't going to let him when I had to wait for him for so long. He smiles against my mouth, the hand that was against my thigh trailed up to my back as he laid his weight over me, resting me against the bed with his hand on the middle of my back, pushing me against his stomach. I hum into his mouth, his hand going to my hair to bury his fingers into it. I pull away from him, kissing down his jaw and neck before kissing back up the opposite side, reattaching our mouths. He pulls away, hovering over with a smile.

"I missed you." He says, leaning down to leave an open mouthed kiss over my collarbone, making me sigh. "Let's stay home tomorrow. We can catch up on all the time we lost."

I nod, smiling up at him as I run my hand up his arm. "I'm all yours."

*****

Chan;

I didn't expect him to come home so soon. I knew he'd be gone for awhile, but he got back early and wanted to surprise me. When he came home I was on the couch, reading. My focus was on my book so when his voice echoed through the room I jerked my head to see him. He gave his bright smile, making me feel overwhelmed. I stood from the couch, running to wrap my arms around him. His wrapped around my waist just as my lips crashed into his. I felt like crying, seeing him after so long making me feel happy. He held me against him, grabbing my thighs to help me wrap around his waist.

He pulls away and begins to walk to the bedroom all while I leave long kisses over his cheeks and jaw, not wanting to waste time after being away from him for so long. He would giggle on occasion, but it didn't deter me. He sits on the bed, letting me straddle his lap as my kisses traveled to his neck, my kisses deeper. He sighs out against me, making me want to keep kissing him there and keep hearing his deep sighs. However he doesn't allow it as he lifts my head by my chin, a deep love swirled in his eyes as he looked at me, his smile goofy as his hand held my back to keep me against him.

"I missed you so much." He expresses, his voice soft, almost as if it would break if it was louder.

"I missed you." I tell him before he brings my head down to introduce our lips together.

He opens his mouth against me his other hand resting on my thigh to keep me on his lap. The kiss was slow and drawn out giving me a chance to run my fingers through his hair making Chan smile into the kiss. Chan starts to fall back, taking me with him so I lay on top of him. I pull away from him, trailing a finger down his neck. When I reach the top of his shurt I pull it down, revealing his beauty mark, my smile widening. I lean down to kiss his mark, Chan groaning out and resting his head on the bed.

"I missed all of you." I whisper as I look over him to see his deep breathing.

He grabs my thighs before trailing his hands up to the bottom of my shirt, slowly lift them to reveal part of my stomach.

"And I missed all of you." He gets out from his heavy breathing. "Let me show you how much."

He says before carefully laying me on the bed and hovering over me to show me how much he really did miss me.

     Everything had been going so well… Until it wasn’t. Together for three years, you’d had many ups and downs but ultimately you made it through them all. This time it was different. All of those fights that previously seemed like they might tear you two apart were just child’s play. Those fights were nothing compared to the current stalemate. Neither of you had similar thoughts on the matter- and it was driving you up the wall. This wasn’t what you expected when you first started dating Jun three years ago. It wasn’t anywhere close to your mind when you moved in with him. Though looking back, maybe it should have been.

     But you were love blind, and so was he. Maybe you both thought you were of the same mind then. Maybe you thought there were no worries- that love was capable of overcoming any obstacle. Except as we all know, love on its own is incapable of defeating any problem. Love is just a mitigating factor, you can let it drive you to pull yourself together, to handle things you never thought possible. On its own, love is worthless. 

     The problem stemmed from your viewpoints on life- marriage and children. The problem was that he wanted both of those things, and that you only wanted one. Having children had never been in your life plan. Seemingly this issue arose overnight. Nothing ever just pops up unexpectedly though, it was stewing somewhere away from the forefront. Maybe you should’ve noticed all those times his face lit up when he interacted with a friend’s child. Looking back, you should’ve noticed how he would always look at you with this heartwarming smile- the look in his eyes that screamed that what if one day he got to hold your child.

     But you didn’t notice. Instead you existed completely blind to the issue, until he proposed to you. What was meant to be one of the happiest moments of your life turned into one of the worst. Jun’s proposal speech was sweet and sentimental, that the two of you were meant to be together, that you were family. And that somewhere along the line, once you made a home for yourselves, that he couldn’t wait to see what your children would look like- whose eyes they’d have, he thought they should have yours. 

     All the color had drained from your face, and in that moment you had been immensely glad that he hadn’t proposed to you in public. Everything had gone slightly blurry as tears filled your eyes. How were you supposed to tell the man you were madly in love with, the man that wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, that you didn’t want kids? But were you just supposed to sit back and do something so life altering, where you’d actually influence a child’s life, when you never wanted to? You couldn’t help but think how unfair that’d be, not just to you, but to Jun and the child.

     Jun had thought your tears were those of happiness, and since the beginning you’d been nodding until he mentioned kids, so naturally he thought you were going to say yes. Thus he had slipped the ring onto your finger and hugged you tight. That was when you completely broke down, you started sobbing uncontrollably. Of course seeing you like this was confusing for him, he thought you were happy, so why were you crying like something terrible had happened? Nothing else was spoken of that night, Jun ushered you to bed and tucked you in after turning on your favorite TV show. Despite not being aware of what was upsetting you, he took care of you. And that made it so much harder.

     Sleeping in the same bed as him was difficult. Your heart felt constricted. Ultimately the restlessness won out, and since you knew you wouldn’t be getting any sleep, you crawled out of the covers in the early hours of morning. There was too much going on in your head, all the wires were crossed and fraying. Any decision you made would hurt someone. Jun found you hours later in the kitchen, a cold mug of coffee sitting in front of you, head in your hands.

     His hand smoothed down your back, startling you. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

     “I… I don’t know how to say this.” You mumbled, looking over at him. “How- how am I supposed to tell you? I don’t want to hurt you.”

     Jun laughed nervously. “The way you’re talking is scaring me. You didn’t cheat on me did you?”

     You recoiled, shaking your head. “No, I’d never.”

     “Well then, whatever it is can’t be that bad.”

     Biting the inside of your cheek, you nodded. You just needed to say it. “Jun, I love you, and I want to marry you.” Pausing to take a deep breath you noticed the bright smile on his face at your previous words. His smile made you want to keep the next sentence captive in your head. “But I… I don’t want kids.”

     The smile that you loved dropped from his face. “What?”

     “Please don’t make me say it again, it was hard enough to get out in the first place.” You whispered, looking away from Jun.

     His hands grasped your shoulders, turning you to face him. “I need to hear you say it again.”

     “I don’t want kids.”

     After you had admitted that you didn’t want to have kids, the conversation had taken a serious turn. Jun didn’t understand how you’d never talked about it before. Just like you, he had assumed you both always wanted the same thing- that was how in tune you were with each other. Clearly though, you weren’t as in tune as you thought. Weeks passed, and each day the conversation was revisited. Each time it felt like your heart was being ripped from your chest. Jagged edges surrounding where your heart used to reside.

     Certainly Jun felt the same. Like a bucket of ice water had sloshed over him while he was peacefully asleep. Like a blindfold had been lifted, the world that used to hold countless treasures turned into a wasteland. How could he not? But there was a turning point. A point in which he realized you wouldn’t change your mind. A point in which you realized how much you truly loved him. If you didn’t, how could you do what was necessary?

     If you didn’t love him, how could you leave him when he said he was willing to not have children if he was with you? Because that’s just what happened. Initially it seemed like neither of you would change your minds, the argument would just go on forever. No true change occuring, but neither of you being strong enough to leave. But then one day he walked into the living room, looking defeated, and declared that if you didn’t want kids then it was okay.

     Maybe earlier when you felt like your heart had been ripped out, it was just the ghost of a pain that was to come. The second Jun uttered those words was the most painful moment since he’d proposed to you. Images of your future flashed before your eyes, the future of your relationship if you married him after his sacrifice. The first few years might be wonderful, filled with happy moments of wedded bliss. But then the reality would sink in, Jun would realize exactly what he’d given up, and that he’d given that up for you. You would then become the source of pain for him. 

     Maybe he’d regret his decision, or maybe he’d become resentful and bitter towards you. That wasn’t a future you wanted any part in. Facing the pain of leaving him now would be a hundred times better than staying in a relationship that was bound for misery. A part of you wished to avoid the end, to run away without a word, but that wasn’t you. You weren’t a coward. You weren’t a dastardly type that could disappear in the night, leaving loved ones without prior notice of your absence. You’d have to face him, one-on-one, and tell him. 

     Tell him that you couldn’t marry him. Tell him that you hated leaving him, but you couldn’t stay. It would hurt. It would be torture to find those words. To set them free from your mind and release them to the world. And they were. Each word became a stone settled in the back of your mouth, the weight steadily increasing as you spoke. Stomach unsettled at the look of despair on Jun’s face. Heartbreak and desperation shone clearly in his eyes, his hand clutching at your arm as he begged you to stay. He said he couldn’t survive without you. He said you were his heart, the other part of him. But you knew he could survive. You knew he could make it through, and that one day, eventually, he would thank you. 

     After breaking his heart in the middle of your living room, you moved out, even going so far as to quit the job where you had met. You could still remember how your relationship started- at first you couldn’t stand each other, and that went on for years. Maybe it would’ve been better if you had never found comfort with each other. That way this pain would never have occurred. That way you wouldn’t know of the love that you couldn’t keep. 

     You were of a hopeful mind that as time passed, it would get easier, for both of you. And for a time it did, but each time you reached a better place you would run into him somewhere in town. It was never good when you ran into each other. The first few times Jun would plead with you, saying he missed you so much, and that you never left his mind. After that he quickly became bitter and resentful, forgoing a greeting and going straight to slights and insults. And he knew just what to say to wound you.

     On one specific occasion, what would later be known to you as the last time you spoke to Jun, you’d had enough. Of all places, you just had to run into him at a work event, the new company you’d joined was having a charity event where a bunch of other advertising firms were invited. You’d spotted him across the room first, chatting lightly, happily, with a group of your coworkers. The smile present on his face was bright, cheerful, as if over the past two years he had known no pain. You knew the second he saw you, the smile slipping from his face with a speed that seemed inhuman. 

     It made your heart ache, the way his lips set into a thin line. How he set down the glass of champagne he was holding and slowly made his way over to you. A small part of you wanted to run away, to go somewhere else, but you knew that once Jun sets his sights on something he doesn’t back down. And running wouldn’t help at all. So in that moment you decided it was enough. The conversation started innocently enough, as you had been talking to a few people from another firm, but the second they left it mutated.

     Words became harsh. Cruel. Filled with resentment and pain. Making it clear he hadn’t moved on, as if he hadn’t even tried. Instead choosing to dwell on his anger and pain that you had caused him. It reached a point that your voices cut through the mindless chatter of the people around you. Eyes flickered over to the two of you as the room suddenly went quiet. Surely it must’ve been a sight to see two people dressed to the 9’s, having a shouting match at a high end charity event.

     A vein pulsed in his neck as he yelled. “We could’ve worked it out! We could have saved us!”

     “Some things aren’t worth saving!” Your voice finally rose to match his, rage filling you. “For the past two years since we broke up, I’ve been hoping that you could move on and let go. I did what I did, for you! So that you wouldn’t wake up one day, married to me, and realize you made a mistake. Don’t you understand?” You cried out. “There was nothing to save, Junhee!”

     Blowing out a cloud of smoke, you simply stared at the moon for a while. Did the moon ever get tired of having such an immense responsibility on its shoulders? If it were a person it would, right? It’s just that it does so much for us here on Earth like preventing complete darkness at night, having a say in the tide of the oceans, etc. Yet nobody truly gives it any praise, it’s just expected to always be there. But what if someday it didn’t appear in the night sky? Everyone would collectively lose their minds over it, because there hasn’t been one night the moon has missed its rise in the sky.

      There were times where you found yourself relating to the moon in this comparison way too much for your liking. Such as how you knew that while you had a significant impact on everyone and everything in your life, you always felt like it was the kind that only truly appreciated once it was gone. This isn’t to say you wanted to disappear or anything of the like, it’s more to clarify the stress that managed to flair up when everyone was leaning on you but you never got anything back from it. At least, that’s how it managed to feel in your head at times.

     You heaved a sigh, leaning heavily on the railing for a moment. Out of nowhere your phone buzzed in your pocket, alerting you of an incoming message.

     Jun: Hey, I’m outside your apartment. I think I left my wallet here earlier, would you mind letting me in? 

     You: Sure, gimme a sec.

     Quickly, you snuffed out the cigarette and set it in the ashtray on the side table kept on the balcony. As you entered the apartment, maneuvering past your dogs and to your front door, it completely slipped your mind that Jun had no clue of your stress smoking. Thus when you opened the door to see your boyfriend standing there, you gave no second thought to wrapping your arms around him in greeting. Briefly he returned your embrace before beginning to pull away with a confused look on his face.

     “Do I smell smoke?” Jun questioned, tilting his head.

     Eyes going wide, you cursed at yourself silently. “Ummm, no?”

     Jun raised an eyebrow as he stepped past you and into the apartment. “I’m pretty sure I smell smoke. Did something happen? Or… Were you smoking?”

     “Would you believe me if I said I caught a hand towel on fire by accidentally leaving it on the stove?” You asked with an awkward grin, after shutting the door.

     “I might have if you hadn’t started with ‘would you believe me if’ or phrased it as a question. Since when do you smoke?”

     Your feet shuffled nervously at the darkening look on Jun’s face. “It’s not all the time, only when I’m stressed out. I think this is only the second time my stress levels have peaked like this since we started dating.”

     “Don’t you know how bad smoking is for you?” He asks, an intensity burning in his eyes.

     “I mean… Yes, I’m kind of aware. But it’s not like I smoke all the time!”

     Jun shakes his head, running his hands through his hair. “It doesn’t matter if you only smoke sometimes! You’re still putting yourself at risk for a multitude of health issues, like cancer, asthma, gum disease, heart disease and stroke, as well as so many other things. It’s not just you that can be affected by this, it’s anybody or any living creature around you can also have severe health problems. Did you think about that?”

     “W-what?”

     “Are you asking what about all of the problems that could occur by smoking or about the fact that it doesn’t affect just you?”

     “The latter.” You mumbled, lower lip quivering.

     “You didn’t know? Second-hand smoke is just as big of a deal as smoking itself. It’s something you need to keep that in mind anytime you light up around your dogs or anyone else. Not only are you potentially signing yourself up for cancer, but that also includes them.”

     Moving into your living room, you take a seat on the couch and bury your face in your hands. “You’re mad at me,” You whispered quietly.

     Jun sighed. “I mean, yes, I’m a little mad. But I’m more upset than I am mad. I just thought you were smarter than this.”

     “Are you going to break up with me?”

     “If you promise to quit smoking I won’t. I understand that it’ll be hard, and every time you get stressed your going to want to go right back to that bad habit. But I need you to understand that if you go along with this, that I’ll be right by your side every step of the way.”

      You bite your lip for a second, considering the options in front of you. “Alright, I promise.”