#a. claw

how do I explain that we are infinite?

I'd like to cleanse myself from it and watch it get pulled down the drain. I'd like the wind to take it from me wipe it straight out of my throat. I'd like to burn it up in flames soak it with more gasoline. instead I sit inside this cave... and I stare at it and wait... for it to bury me.

I will make myself into the biggest secret I have ever  kept from you.

I want to spin a story about the ring on my left hand; that it's an heirloom from a duchess who was widowed four times or that I found it in an attic held up by only cobwebs - or that I'm married. that you and I eloped like you always said we would and this is my proof.

but here's the thing: the more you say it, the more you want it that's just a correlation and I know it doesn't add up but your favourite subject was always history and his was economics.

and maybe it was the cruelest kind of irony devised by some kind of god: you told me you'd come back when my flowers were in bloom and right after you left they withered in my room.

he had the ability to completely unwind me, all the tension I'd accumulated. holding him was like being safe, unwatched and alone – yet knowing I was understood.