#a-sleeping-fire

((If Peri said it))

She could feel her cheeks reddening in a blush, as if lit from behind by a candle.  And, silly as it was, she put her hand over her glasses—not touching, since she hated getting finger prints on the lenses—and dipped her head with a bashful giggle.  You would think that, after being married to him for a while now, she would have gotten past this!  “You’re making me blush, Peri~”

***

((If Mabel said it))

Note: I had a lot of fun writing this story.  Thanks for sticking with me! 

Afra was leaving him.  The infant Aamnia slept in the cradle upstairs.  Peridan was backed against the wall as the Calormene woman, the mother of his child, hissed horrible and hurtful words and jabbed him with a finger. 

'I'm leaving...'

'Can't be with a woman anymore...'

'Never wanted to get pregnant...'

'Hate you...'

'Leave me alone...'

'Don't try to find me...'

And then the images shifted, and wasn't Afra.  It was Beth!  They were not downstairs; in fact, the were not even in his old house.  They were in their new house, in their shared bedroom.  In her arms she held an infant, but it wasn't a maid-child.  It was their son.  It was Zerach!

'You can't stop me,' she was telling him. 'I don't answer to you, or anyone else!'

'But...why?' he whispered, 'Where is this coming from?  If I've done something--'

She opened her mouth to answer him, but before she could say a word she faded from view, and she took their son with her.

No.  No!  No, no, NO, NO!  She couldn't leave, she couldn't take his son from him!

'Beth!  Zerach!  Beth, please, no!'

***

Peridan's eyes flared open as wide as they would go, and his mouth opened and closed like that of a fish as he fought to draw breath, but his chest felt paralyzed.  Finally, he heaved in a whooping gasp, then looked over at where his wife should have been, panting.  She was not there!

"Peri?"

The voice--that sweet, beloved voice!--came from the vicinity of the rocking chair in the corner of the room, and Peridan's head jerked quickly in that direction. 

She was still there!  Her son--their son--nursed peacefully at his mother's breast as she rocked in the chair and lightly patted his bottom.  She was hardly in a position to get up quickly, but that was no problem at all.  Peridan got out of bed and crossed the room in two strides, kneeling beside the rocking chair and lightly touching her face before caressing Zerach's soft, whispy hair.

"Love, what is it?"

Peridan could not answer right away.  His throat seemed to have partially closed up, and his eyes began to sting.  He lowered his head and rested it on his wife's knee, trying to banish that dream from the dusty corners of his sleep-fogged mind.  He felt her hand settle lightly on his head.  The hand began to stroke, fingers lightly raking themselves through his black hair, and he heard her speak again.

"Bad dream?"

Normally he didn't like to speak of his nightmares, but a part of him needed reassurance that only she would be able to give him.  He mumbled softly into the cotton fabric of her nightgown, "You were leaving..."

"What?"  Elizabeth's voice was quiet, but disbelieving.

"You took Zerach with you..."

He felt her hand pause in its stroking, then he felt her shift in her seat and slide a hand under his chin.  He could have fought her efforts to make him look up, but he had no will to do anything, much less fight her.

She was holding her son in one arm and holding his chin with her other hand, and her eyes, while tired from sleeplessness and the physical exertions of giving birth, were both sad and loving as she shook her head.  "Never..."

He gulped, nodding as he continued to fight back his emotions, and actually smiled.  "I...I know.  But dreams...they feel real when you are having them."

Liz lightly trailed the backs of her fingers down his cheek, and he was surprised to see the left corner of her mouth quirk up in a smirk that didn't quite seem to fit the situation until she spoke.

"I know what you mean...Once I dreamed that I'd shown up for a training session fully clothed, then everyone started to laugh.  When I looked down, I realized I was completely naked.  When I woke up, I actually flung off the bedclothes to make sure!"

Her story had the desired effect, and Peridan snorted indelicately as he tried to keep from laughing and disturbing his nursing baby.  As it was, little Zerach flung his free arm outward in the moro reflex as the snort startled him, but he quickly went back to his very important business of obtaining nourishment.

Peridan straightened up, though he was still sitting there on his knees, and kissed the top of Zerach's head before kissing his wife's cheek.  "How silly of me to be upset over such a far-fetched dream...I love you."

She kissed his forehead before resting her own forehead against it, and, tired though she was, she felt that sleep would be a long time coming.  "And I love you.  I'll come back to bed soon, why don't you go back to sleep?"

Her husband just settled himself cross-legged beside the rocking chair and rested the side of his head against her knee.  "I'm just fine right here."

The End

Note: Here it is, guys!  I will be writing a short epilogue, but here is the final chapter.  Content warning; childbirth happens, though largely 'off-camera', as well as nursing, but it's nothing you wouldn't find on regular daytime TV.  The scenes jump around a lot, so hopefully it won't be confusing.  If it is, let me know and I can edit things a bit.  I hope you enjoy it.  Zerach is heeeere~

Peridan's knuckles cracked as Elizabeth squeezed his hand like a sock puppet, but he barely noticed.  He quietly encouraged her, telling her that she could do it, that she was doing so well, that it would all be over soon.  She hadn't made much noise so far, but earlier she'd had the wild-eyed look of a prey animal, and during a moment alone she had confessed her fears to him.

'I'm afraid...Afraid of what might happen.'

'Just hold onto me.  I'm here.'

And he hadn't left her side.  Girbius had returned with a few things they'd be needing, and the old faun and Yehosef had been working together with hardly a word spoken between them. 

Now, as Elizabeth strained to deliver her child, she found new courage in the fact that she could finally do something, that she finally had some control over what was happening; she was no longer a hostage to her own body, and she was making this happen, rather than letting it happen to her.

She was tired, though.  So tired.

***

Tavish and Aamnia were trying hard to tune out the screams from upstairs.  Even though the sounds were few and far between, Tavish had to admit that his sister had quite a set of pipes!  Their game was abandoned, and now they simply sat side-by-side, looking at the staircase and listening anxiously for the sound of a baby cry.

Malachi, his ears flattened to the sides of his head in his anxiety, paced fitfully and occasionally looked at Tavish as if asking him what was going on.  The cries from upstairs had unnerved the large dog, who simply couldn't understand why they were all downstairs when they were clearly needed upstairs!  He rested a paw on Tavish's knee, looked soulfully into the man's eyes, and whined.

"It'll be over soon, boy," Tavish petted the dog, trying to reassure him, but another scream rent the air and made the dog whine again.  "I hope..."

Aamnia shook her head, picking up her pencil and beginning to draw.  "Me, too.  I'm getting sleepy, but I can't sleep now.  Too noisy."

"Ah, she can't help it," Tavish chuckled.  "Say, what're you drawing?"

Before Aamnia could answer, there was another scream, followed by a whimper and exhausted panting.  They could faintly hear Peridan encouraging her.

***

"You can do it, you're almost there!" Peridan told her, not loudly, but firmly, excitedly, cheering her on.

"Tired..."

"I know."

"Hurts..."

Yehosef turned his head and made an urgent request of Girbius.  "Towels.  Quickly, please!  The baby comes."

"Aaaaah!!"

***

Tavish and Aamnia, though neither would admit it to the other, were paying close attention now.  Although they were downstairs and in another room entirely, neither of them had been present for such a thing, and they didn't quite know what to expect or how to react. 

Aamnia was simply vowing to herself to never have children if it hurt badly enough to make a woman bellow so, but Tavish was praying that both his sister and the baby would be safe and well when this whole thing was all done.

Another scream, the loudest one of all.  Silence.  Then, from upstairs, a wonderful sound indeed!  The raucous, healthy-sounding wail of a newborn.  Yehosef's voice, sounding slightly choked with emotion, telling the new parents, "A healthy son!"  Peridan laughing and sobbing at the same time, and it sounded like Elizabeth was doing the same.  Girbius gravely offering his congratulations.

Tavish's tense face melted into a joyful smile, and he pulled his niece close and kissed the top of her head as she embraced him back.  "Congratulations, big sister."

Malachi's ears perked and his long whip of a tail started to wag before he began to bark.  As happy as he looked, he seemed to be cheering in celebration.

***

Girbius had come downstairs just long enough to tell Tavish and Aamnia that it was a boy, and that mother and child were doing just fine.  After that, it was quite some time before they were actually allowed up.  Elizabeth needed to recover for a few minutes, and there were some other things to attend to before either she or the baby was ready for visitors.

A little over half an hour later, though, Peridan came down.  His eyes were a little red, but he was grinning from ear to ear.  Aamnia was on her feet in a flash, and she attacked her father with such a fierce hug that he was actually knocked back a step.  "Would you like to see your baby brother?"

Malachi took that as an invitation and dodged around Peridan's legs, thundering up the stairs and sitting patiently outside of the closed door.

***

Except for Aamnia's declaration that the new baby looked like 'an angry little potato person'--which her father was rather horrified by, but Elizabeth was actually sort of amused by--Zerach's debut couldn't have gone any better. 

Malachi had gotten in despite Peridan's efforts to block him, but he had been so delicate, sniffing lightly at the baby in Liz's arms before moving to the hooked rug in the middle of the room and lying down like a sphinx as if keeping guard over his new ward.  There was no way he'd be allowed to stay in the room all night, but Peridan saw no reason to chase him out right away with how well he was behaving. 

Tavish had denied that he was crying, saying that he only had something in his eye.  He wasn't fooling anybody, but no one badgered him about it.

At last, though, Tavish and Aamnia were ushered out of the room, and Aamnia got three extra good-night kisses from her father before finally heading off to bed.  Tavish, who said that he didn't mind sleeping on the couch, decided to turn in as well.

Finally, at around two in the morning, the excitement had died down and Elizabeth and Peridan were alone with their newborn. 

"I am so proud of you, Beth!" Peridan whispered, kissing Liz's temple as she nursed Zerach. 

She smiled tiredly, lightly smoothing back the baby's hair.  It was dark brown, much darker than her own reddish-brown hair, but not quite as dark as Peridan's black hair.  She wondered if Zerach's hair would acquire coppery highlights from sun exposure, the same way hers did. 

Zerach's eyes, during the brief time they were opened, were a dark, steel-blue that would most likely change over to brown in the next month or so.  Or, quite possibly, hazel.

"I think he looks like you, Peri," she told her husband, who was letting their son grip his forefinger in a tiny fist.  The resemblance really was uncanny.  Zerach's skin was a little bit lighter than his father's, but if Peridan's mother were still alive, or if his father was there to see, they would have both asserted that little Zerach could almost be Peridan's twin from another generation. 

Almost.  Zerach had his mother's eyebrows.  And that perturbed frown he had gotten on his face after he had been bathed and swaddled in a blanket, almost as if to say, 'You would not believe the day I've just had, the rude treatment I've just been subjected to'?  That was one hundred percent Elizabeth! 

"I see some of you there."

Hearing the tightness in his voice, Liz chuckled softly through her nose.  "You're crying again."

He sniffed, but didn't deny it.  "I'm just so glad I was here...and that all is well.  I never thought I would see a miracle happen right before me..."

"Not half as glad as I was," She sighed, still exhausted from her efforts.  "When you left the room that last time, I didn't think you were coming back..."

"Of course I was coming back...Why--"

"Men usually aren't there for it.  Then again, nothing about this has been conventional...I'm glad it happened the way it did, though.  People I trust...and my husband was there..."

Her eyelids were beginning to droop, and seeing that Zerach was no longer feeding, Peridan gently took the baby from her and let her cover up again. 

Peridan had intended to put Zerach in his cradle so that they could get a couple hours of sleep before the next feeding or nappie change, but he found himself unwilling to set the baby down just yet.  He whispered to the baby in his first language; 'My beautiful son...my boy...You have no idea how much we love you...but we will show you every day.'

Perhaps Zerach had his uncle Tavish's sense of humor, because, as if on cue, he opened his mouth and burped.

When Elizabeth and Peridan finally stopped laughing--quietly, but fairly hard, because the timing of the burp had been priceless!--Elizabeth asked in a drowsy voice, "Are you going to sleep yet?"

The dream was so vivid!  Some people screamed or sobbed when in the midst of such terror, but she did neither.  She froze, completely dry-eyed and dry-mouthed; water sounded like a good idea.  She might have been a living statue, save for the fact that she was panting as if from a long sprint, and her hands trembled as she stared straight ahead.

Note:  Almost there!  I don't think I need to tack on anymore warnings for this, but just in case; miscarriage is mentioned and birth is happening here.  Enjoy~

Peridan sat alone in Elizabeth's 'project room', his head resting in his hands as his lips moved silently in prayer.  As much as he wanted to be there with her, he needed a few moments to himself.  His emotions were in such turmoil that he could actually visualize himself shivering apart like a building in an earthquake as excitement, fear, guilt, and still-new grief warred within him. 

It hurt him like a physical blow to see his wife in pain, to know that he was responsible for it, and to know that there was nothing he could do about it.  He was overjoyed at the thought of becoming a father again, and being able to do it right this time.  His mind kept dwelling on the child that was never born, and he wondered what it would have been, a boy or a girl, and whether it would have resembled him or his Beth.  There was the fear that something would go terribly wrong, and that he would lose one or both of them in childbirth, and it was this thought on top of the others that had made it necessary for him to seek solitude.  He would not let Elizabeth see him like this now; she needed his strength, not his tears.

After about twenty minutes or so, he had reached an almost meditative state, and the tears on his cheeks grew cold.  He wiped them away, and went to go and splash some cold water on his face.  Speaking to Aslan, even if the Lion wasn't physically there, always helped, for Peridan knew that his prayers were always heard.

Feeling that he was ready to go back now, Peridan took up the candlestick he had brought with him and left the room.  One hand was in his pocket, fingering the handkerchief Elizabeth had embroidered for him.

***

Three minutes apart now.  She dearly loved her husband, but right now she was feeling sort of angry, and he was the reason.  It was irrational, and she knew it; after all, they both created this child, and she couldn't blame all of her discomfort on him.  On the other hand, how was it fair that women must go through the pain of labor, while men...

Of course, she only thought this way when she was in the middle of a contraction, and rather than unleashing an undeserved torrent of venomous words on Peridan--who, she had to admit, was being wonderful throughout all of this--she closed her eyes to shut out the world and tried not to tense up.  Girbius had told her a few hours ago that fighting the pain would only make it more intense, and she found that he was right. 

This did not mean, however, that she wanted her husband to rub her belly while she was in the middle of one, though!  She hissed in a breath through her teeth, took his hand off her belly, and lightly kissed it before gasping, "Please, don't."

She missed the hurt look in his eyes, but Yehosef did not.  He lightly tapped Peridan's arm and whispered, "Don't take it personally.  This can make them a little bit short-tempered, but she doesn't mean it."

If Elizabeth could have heard him, she would have told him that she did too mean it, but that she was sorry just the same.  Right now, though, she was lost inside her own head, ranting silently in her thoughts to keep herself from moaning out loud. 

'I'm never making love again...Peri will just have to live with that, because I am not going through this again!  Ow, this hurts...ow...ow...ow...okay...it's fading...ohhh, that's better.'  She sighed and opened her eyes, and realized that she had a fistful of blanket clutched in her hand in a death grip.  She let go of it and ran her hand through her hair, which was becoming damp with perspiration.

It was nearly midnight now, six hours after she had naively thought that she could handle it, and she was beginning to seriously question herself.  She no longer felt like crocheting, and her project sat forgotten in the basket by the bed.  She had grown tired of pacing--tired in general, really--and was trying to rest, but she felt anything but restful.  Sleep definitely would not be possible.  There was no more small talk with Peridan, and she only spoke to answer a direct question, usually a terse-sounding 'yes' or 'no'.  She was afraid that if she spoke too much, she would vocalize her fears--possibly even in a scream, the way things were progressing--and she didn't want let Peridan see her that way and to hurt for her.  As focused as she was on what she was doing, how was she supposed to know that her husband was mistaking her silence for a rejection?

"I...I'm going to..." Peridan jerked a thumb at the door, getting to his feet.  "Would you like some water?"

Her answer was nothing more than a head-shake, and the reason for this was simple; she was feeling nauseous, and didn't want to talk.  She had overheard Yehosef warning Peridan earlier that women in labor sometimes vomited, and she was determined not to.  Though, she had to admit, the matter was somewhat in doubt at the moment, and the thought of eating or drinking anything had made it worse.

Peridan left the room, and Girbius followed him out.

***

The sight that greeted Girbius and Peridan in the living room was quite unexpected.  Aamnia was still up, having refused to stay in bed, and she and Tavish were playing some sort of game that involved drawing X's and O's on a grid.  They both turned their heads in unison to see who was coming down.  And they were both wearing paper pirate hats.

The scene was quite comical, and Girbius quirked an eyebrow before sketching a jaunty salute.  "Ahoy there."

Tavish quickly whipped the hat off his head, having forgotten about it, but Aamnia grinned and returned the salute.  Her grin vanished when she saw how worn her father looked, and how he was now frowning at her in disapproval.

"You should have been in bed hours ago.  What are you doing up?"

"I can't sleep.  Can I please stay up?  Just this once?  I'll be quiet, and I won't do it every night.  Pleeease?"  She put on her most winsome pout.  "I want to see the baby."

"You won't do it every night," Peridan firmly agreed, but he was smiling, albeit tiredly.  "But tonight you can."  He held up a finger.  "Just this once.  And don't force yourself to stay awake when you get tired.  When the baby's here, we'll wake you."

Aamnia, never one to control her impulse to hug, rushed over and threw her arms around her father.  "Thanks, Da!  Want me to make you a hat?  Unca Tavish showed me how."

"That would be--"

There was the sound of a scream from upstairs, and everyone in the room grew very still for a moment.  It wasn't a particularly long scream, and it wasn't the loudest one they'd ever heard, but it was a scream nonetheless, and the first one Elizabeth had given all night.

Peridan was off like a shot, taking the stairs two at a time in his hurry to get to his wife.

Aamnia went back over to Tavish and sat down again, drawing her last X and making a line through the three.  "I win.  Is she gonna do that all night?"

Tavish made no answer, partly because he didn't know, and partly because the subject made him uncomfortable.

Girbius, on his way into the kitchen to get a large pot of water boiling for sterilizing a few things they'd be needing, replied, "She'll probably holler a few times, but don't let it frighten you.  Bringing a child into the world is hard work.  At the rate things are going, it won't be all night."

"I'm not frightened," the child said scornfully, drawing another grid.  "Your turn to go first, Unca Tavish."

***

It wasn't time for her to push yet, but it would be soon.  Yehosef lightly dabbed a cool cloth on the woman's sweat-slick forehead, not phased in the least by the scream.  In truth, he was a bit impressed with how quiet she had been throughout the whole thing, but he knew it couldn't last.  He patted her hand when she apologized for it.  "No need.  Yell as much as you like.  You're doing very well."

The door burst open, and Peridan stood hesitating in the doorway, almost as if he wasn't sure if he belonged there.  His doubts were put to rest when Elizabeth's eyes widened and she reached out a hand towards him.  Desperate.  Pleading.  Her eyes and that simple gesture were as plain as any words she could have said.  Help me...

Liz: *She’s not intentionally rejecting her husband’s apologies for going over her head and telling Alvar to stay away from her, pretty much ending her friendship without her say-so.  All the same, she’s hurt and angry, and she’s hardly spoken to Peridan all day.  It isn’t until she sees that he’s quite upset over the fact that she’s avoided the subject—and, in fact, avoided him—that she realizes that hurting him back isn’t going to do any good at all.  She wasn’t even aware that she was striking back in her own way until she saw him turn away to hide the tears that he could no longer keep back.  She sighs and goes over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder.*  Hey…

When Tavish and Aamnia were finally let in on what was going on, they took it more or less in stride.  That is to say, Tavish turned a rather interesting shade of pale gray and sat down rather suddenly on the couch, and Aamnia bounced on her heels before peppering the adults with a barrage of questions, which Tavish did his best to answer while the others were busy sorting a few things out.

"When's the baby coming, Unca Tavish?"

"Um, well, soon..."

"Yeees," Aamnia drawled with exaggerated patience, "But how soon?"

"We don't know," Tavish replied, nervously cracking his knuckles.  "It'll be several hours at least, I'm sure.  It might not be until the wee mornin' hours, when you're in bed asleep."

"Sleep?  I'm too excited to sleep.  And how come I can't be there when it happens?" she demanded.

Tavish turned bright red, and he muttered 'oh my' before quickly changing the subject.  "Do you still have that drawing paper?"

"I don't want to draw!"

"Well, good, because I wanted to show you how to make paper hats."

He was greatly relieved when Aamnia ran off to get her drawing paper, though he didn't let himself believe for a moment that she had forgotten her previous question!  Children were like that; he remembered well from when he was one, and he now understood why his father sometimes became selectively deaf!

***

Elizabeth was told to go upstairs and change into an old nightgown she could stand to part with, for it would need to be disposed of later.  Then she was told to just relax--'Ha-ha,' she thought--and find something she could do to pass the time.  Girbius also encouraged her to pace the room, saying that it would help speed things up a little, though she regarded this with some amount of suspicion.

And so, she paced.  She made small-talk with her husband.  She tried to read, but she couldn't concentrate.  She finally took a ball of sea-green yarn from the basket by the bed and just grabbed a random crochet hook. 

The first few hours really weren't all that bad.  Every now and then a minute would be shaved off of the intervals between the contractions--she had to admit that they were really starting to hurt a little bit now, but they never lasted for more than a minute, and she was able to keep from outwardly reacting to them--and there seemed to be very little that needed to be done.

Peridan seemed agitated, like he wanted to ask her something, but wasn't sure how she would react.  She tried to focus on her crochet project--she hardly knew what she was making, but it would most likely turn into another baby blanket--but she could almost feel his eyes on her, and she finally put her project aside.

"You look at me as if I might fly up the chimney.  What is it?" she asked, trying to keep her tone light.

He blinked, then looked bashfully at his hands--had he been twisting the edge of his shirt for very long?--and tried to think of a good way to ask his question.  He hadn't been allowed in the room when Aamnia was born because Afra hadn't wanted him there.  The husband usually wasn't in the room, so that wasn't the part that had stung so.  It was the way his first wife had rejected his presence at the birth, and he'd had no choice but to honor her wishes. 

What were Elizabeth's wishes, though?  She was Afra's opposite in so many ways, but she hadn't asked him to be with her when their child was born.  What if she didn't want him there either?  And what had he missed the first time around?

He shook his head, unable to voice his concerns, and decided that it would be best to simply take his cues from her.  "Nothing...I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

She smiled and reached over to take his hand.  "You didn't, love.  You just looked worried."

'Worried' was a good word for it!  He smiled, brought her hand up to his lips, and kissed the knuckles.  "I just want it to go well."

"Aye..." She nodded, then inhaled a long, deep breath through her nose and let it out in an exaggerated sigh as she began to ride the wave of this newest contraction.  They almost reminded her of a musical scale; they began at the low notes and climbed slowly up to the high ones--the peak of the contraction where the pain was at its worst--before slowly climbing back down the scale once more and coming to rest.  Then, in...twenty minutes now, or perhaps it would be nineteen, it would begin again. 

Peridan felt her hand tightening involuntarily on his as her breathing pattern changed, and he lightly squeezed back to encourage her and to let her know he was there.  He put one hand on her belly, and was surprised to find that it was rock-hard beneath his finger pads. 

'So this is what is happening to her...' he thought.  The thought did not comfort him.

A few moments later, her eyes grew focused once more, and she squeezed his hand once more to reassure him.  "Peri...would you pray with me?"

He smiled, almost tearfully, and linked his hands with hers.  "Of course," he put his arms around her and began to whisper a prayer.

'That wasn't so bad.  Maybe I'll have an easier time of it than most.' she thought.