#a mini-rant

is injecting bits of your personal life into the words. it’s inevitable, really, because writing is like a second outlet for me -- it’s another form of therapy. i inject some personal instances into my works without realizing it most of the time because my mind just goes wherever it wants, and my fingers follow. they type the words i need to hear and sometimes write scenes i wish i was able to experience.

it’s one of the most difficult things because it forces me to face what i am feeling. there is no hiding from your emotions when you’re a writer. it’s easy to say you can distract yourself by writing because it’s like reading -- you get lost in a world that is not reality. but it’s all the same.

every time i write, whether i want to or not, i am working on myself. i am healing and i am processing through things.

which then only makes the work harder to share with the world. because my emotions are now there.

this mini-rant really did come out of nowhere, but not entirely, because as i’m writing a short mycroft x reader fic (i’m not sure when it’ll travel to here, so bear with me), i’m realizing i am injecting things i am still dealing with today.

and some of the thought processes the reader is having are so heartbreaking and they’re making me cry because they are my own. and because i don’t like to have the outbursts that i do and i don’t like that i beat myself up in my head so much and i don’t like that i automatically assume someone who shows me affection is doing so in a malicious or self-serving way -- but that is all how my brain has been programmed.

this life that i live is a constant battle of healing and retraining my brain and it is hard, but not impossible.

But anyway. I only have like 3 chapters left. I've been putting it off for ages because I actually have to change some details to make the story end where I want it to. Or maybe I won't change that quite yet. I've gotta do some semi-major edits in the next chapter, for sure, but maybe I'll leave the current ending and see what people think. Vague semi-spoiler (which I've probably said a dozen times before anyway): I didn't write the ending I'd wanted to write because I was under a time constraint with NaNo (3 hours left and it was a downer which probably wouldn't have been as easy to write) and while I sort of like the current ending, I'd like to try the original ending too.  But the original ending implied a sequel that I have no intention or plan of writing and the current ending adequately wraps up the story. 

There are all these awesome Tiger & Bunny figures and plushies but everything is over $40 and I don't get paid until next week! The plushie is a preorder, so if I don't get it now I'll never get it at this price. The figures are $52, $85, and $93, and there aren't many left in-stock at Amazon.

I can't even ask for any of them for my birthday because I know my parents would never get something like this for me, and none of my friends could afford it.