#a lifetime

"It's a very nice butt, on par with the Captains."

"You admitting to staring at Steve's ass while I am laid up in medical doll?" He asked with a half hearted chuckle. God damn everything hurt, the mission was absolute dog shit. Everything was wrong, anything that could happen DID and in the end- he jerked his eyes open and stared at you, his vision swam, his head ached but… "explosion?" He asked dead serious.

You nodded, smiling softly at him, "got some shrapnel in ya but you'll recover."

Ah, that explained the pain in his side, he closed his eyes and concentrated on the sound of your voice, relaxing his muscles and breathing slowly. Your hand was small in his, he toyed with the ring there and the pain lessened. Opening his eyes he waited, content to watch your face as you struggled to word whatever was running a million miles a second in that head of yours.

Finally you spoke, "you remember that conversation we had last week?" You asked quietly.

He frowned, it was hard to hear your voice but he chalked it up to the explosion and figured his hearing was hinky due to it and nodded, "why bring that up?" It had begun as a conversation and ended in an argument.

Who would go first? Who could live if the other didn't? It had ruined the day, all his plans, in the end he had crawled into bed next to you and curled around you. His plans had been ruined, but it wouldn't stop him from slipping the damned ring on your finger. You had cried into his soft cotton tee, "Doll-"

"I just- I couldn't live without you and I am so sorry, sorry for making such a big deal out of it and ruining everything-" your voice became smaller if possible and he hated it. Hated that you were still upset about it. The two of you had a lifetime left to argue about it and a million other things. And he looked forward to it.

"But you said yes and that is all that matters," he squeezed your hand. Your eyes shone as you stared at him from beside the bed. "Is it because of what happened today?" He asked quietly, you nodded, "Sweetheart, you don't have to worry, just a bit of shrapnel, be good as new before the wedding."

You stared at him, eyes traveling over his face slowly, studying him, fingers toying with a bit of long hair. "I love you James Buchanon Barnes. I love you so much I don't know how to breathe without you and… and I am so sorry."

He knew it must be the drugs that were pumping into him, but the raw intensity of your confession made his eyes prick with the sting of tears. "I love you back Y/N and I can't wait to give you a last name to match mine forever."

It looked as if you flinched, but he blinked and there was that smile that had taken his breath away the first time you had been introduced to the team not two years ago. It had taken him a year to get the courage to ask you out and he couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life waking up next to you and that smile.

"You're gonna hafta let me go."

Bucky felt his heart drop but he quickly recovered with a soft chuckle, carefully unwinding his fingers from yours, "thirsty?" He asked. He had no idea how long he had been out for and you had probably refused to move from his bedside till he woke. You still wore your uniform from that mission, dirty, bloody, and tattered, he could smell the smoke from the explosion.

"-Bucky" your voice whispered in his head. He heard the explosion, felt the heat, heard you screaming his name and then nothing.

He caught your wrist as you stood. Terrified of the flashback. No. You were here, you were safe and whole, he could feel you. You stared at him patiently and he carefully let you go. "Come back quick?" He asked, sounding like a child but the unease in his gut made him not care.

"Sure thing doll," you quipped, you had always done it. Making fun of him until he wrapped you in his arms and forced you to kiss him until he deemed it enough for you being mean to him.

It was never enough.

"Y/N?"

You paused at the door.

He bit his lip, the drugs were making him loopy, for a moment it looked as if you weren't there. "Drugs are strong…" he murmured.

"I bet," you hummed.

There was quiet talking, a male voice and… "Stevie?"

"Mmm, be quick?" He asked settling into the bed, if you answered he didn't hear it, succumbing to the drip and slipping back into the darkness.

*

"Bucky!" Steve nodded as the doctor excused himself and he hurried to his friend's side.

The relief in Steve's voice was obvious and he smiled. "Y/N back yet?"

Steve paused by the bed, an ice cold shiver running down his spine, "what?"

"Y/N, she uh… she was just here? I think she was thirsty…" his head still hurt. Damned drugs would knock him out but leave the headache untouched?

There was a soft knock at the door and Bucky forced his eyes open and frowned as he spotted Tony, "sorry.." he apologized, he had thought it might be you, but then again he was too exhausted and in pain to explain himself so Stark could take a one worded apology till he felt better.

"Rest up Buck… I'll uh, I'll look.." Steve squeezed his arm quickly.

Tony waited in the doorway and followed Steve out of the room leaving Bucky to rest. "Hey, what's with the face? What did he say?" Tony asked, he was tired, there had been things to take care of and he had been out for heads.

Steve glanced at him, "I don't think he knows-"

Tony froze, "Steve…"

"He doesn't remember," Steve leaned against the wall to keep from dropping to the floor, "he said she was just in the room…"

"Steve, she's downstairs," Tony stopped and took a breath as Steve let out a choked sob.

“Host is willing to explain to the best of his abilities what all is happening but he is unsure of when to do so with Dark’s instructions.” 

“What are his instructions?” Illinois asked.

“Host regretfully says that one of the instructions is to not explain them. Dark wishes for certain information to be given by himself and not by the others.” 

“Great.” Illinois sighed

“Host would like to say more, but he’s more worried about the clear discomfort that Yancy is displaying.” 

“Yanc?” Illinois looked over at Yancy, who was having a hard time looking at anything else but the floor. 

“Sorry.” Yancy awkwardly rubbed his arm. “I’m not trying to...I just....”

“Host understands that as well and wishes he could say what is needed, but is unable to do so.” 

“What? Is it another Dark thing?”

“Oh! Who’s it gonna be? Is it me?” Wilford brushed past Illinois’ question. 

“Google.” Host stated, the one-worded answer actually sounding odd to Illinois.  

“Before or after Bim and Yandere get back?” 

“Before.”

“Who’s Bim and Yandere?” Illinois asked. 

“They’re out on a mission, they’ll be back tonight.” Wilford waved a casual hand

“I don’t feel good.” Yancy suddenly turned and took off. 

“Yanc!” Illinois immediately went after him. 

Yancy rushed to the closest room with a drain, the kitchen, and rushed to the sink, dipping his head down and losing what little food he had been able to eat. Illinois was right behind him and could only whisper that everything was okay and rub Yancy’s back. 

“Still struggling I see.” Google’s voice was sudden and Illinois looked up to see him watching Yancy. 

“What was your first clue?” Illinois snapped, half-covering Yancy’s body with his own when he heard Yancy sniff. 

“He spent the majority of his life in prison, correct?” Google’s question had the feeling that he already knew the answer, so Illinois didn’t respond. “Prisons are known for their set routines for their prisoners. You get up at a certain time, you eat at certain times, you bathe at certain times and you go to bed at a certain time. It’s almost the same exact thing every single day with little variations to prevent violent boredom.” 

“Okay, and?” 

“He needs a routine, a schedule,” Google stated. “Get him up at the same time every day, eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner at the same time. He works out, set up a routine with that. His files indicate that change affects his mind and body severely if he’s not the one in control or at least aware of the change occurring.” 

“We’re fine.” 

“Listen, he needs-”

“Quit talking ‘bout me like I ain’t here!” Yancy snapped his head out of the sink and went over to Google, jabbing a finger into his chest. “Yous ain’t gonna tell me what I need. What I need is to get the fuck out of this fucking nightmare of a ‘Manor’.” Yancy stopped jabbing to use his fingers to make air quotes. “But no, we ain’t allowed to leave or know anything about what the fuck is going on because Dark’s got a pan or somethin’ and all of this is just ridiculous!” Yancy slammed a fist against the counter before storming out of the room, letting out a shout as soon as he was gone. 

“I’m just trying to help,” Google said with a scoff. 

“Then let us leave,” Illinois said. Google pressed his lips together and looked away. “Of course, claim to be helpful and then shut down when we actually tell you what we need.” Illinois shook his head and walked out of the room as well, finding Yancy sitting in the hallway, tucked into a tight ball, hugging his legs and waiting next to Illinois’ room’s door. 

“Didn’t wanna go in without permission,” Yancy said softly. 

“You’re always allowed in, no need to ask.” Illinois gave a little smile as he opened the door, waiting for Yancy to get up and go into the room first. Yancy went to the bed and sat on the end of it, bending over and rubbing the sides of his head with his fingers. Illinois went to the bed as well, plopping down on his back, tucking his hands behind his head, and just waiting to see what happens next. 

“Maybe...maybe he’s right,” Yancy spoke after a long pause. “Maybe I need a schedule or somethin.” 

“Maybe.” Illinois sat up. 

“When he said my file, what do you think he meant by that?” Yancy lowered his hands.

“I think that they have been watching us like you said before, but not in here. Not in the room. Outside of here...back home.” Illinois decided to be blunt and honest with his thoughts. “They’ve been watching us for a long time, taking notes, studying us, and made files with everything they know about us. I don’t know why, but they are.” 

“Hopefully they’ll let us know eventually.” Yancy sighed. “I just wanna know what’s going on and why.” 

“Agreed.” 

“There’s a gym,” Yancy stated as he stood. “I’m going to go change and work out.” 

“Want me to come with you?” 

“Nah. I need some alone time. I’m going to just forget the world for a while.” 

“Okay.”

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