#92010

im so fucking done with relationships. like i say that im forever alone when people ask me if im taken. and the reason i say that isnt because i have to be, because trust me, where im moving to there are plenty of down to earth pretty girls to be with, but i say it because i want to.  i was in a relationship with the same girl twice. once of about 9 months and then again for about 3 or 4 months unofficially. and i have to say two things after that i think. i was a huge dick for like 3 weeks after we broke up for good. accusing and assuming and all of these things that probably were just not true. i was an asshole and ill admit i was. but i also have to say this. i fell in love with that girl every minute, even every second we were together, and i dont think i ever knew what that girl would mean to me when we met on the school bus on september 7th, 2010. and still now theres times where i let what i slip away haunt me. and i say haunt not in a bad way but in a good way. i had this wonderful, pretty, caring, loving girl in the palm of my hand, and i was in hers, and now shes gone. i remember telling her one night that if she ever wants to see me at night, to just come tap on my window, because i spend almost all night every night in my room, not because i have to or need to or am being a rebel about something my parents said, but because i want to. i just dont feel like going out there and meeting people. i think i got so comfortable with the idea that she would "always be there", that i lost sight of like everything in the long run, and i suppose the only person i have to blame is myself. but with that i also say, im so over and done relationships. im coasting through life at this point, and whatever opportunities come my way, ill take, but when it comes to finding that one person, ill be straight up and say, ive found her, i fell in love with her, she fell in love with me, and then it all just... fell apart. when i found out i had to wait nearly 2 full years to even say hello to her again, i thought i could do it. i thought that we could make it work. some way some how we were gonna keep what we had intact. and by the end of the first week things were already changing so much. 5 weeks later, ive been removed from her life. so again i say, i give up on relationships. we always had fights, dont get me wrong and it sucked because we would both get to the point where we were both like "you know what? fuck it" but we kept it together. and we did this for a good while. and in this process we learned so much about eachother, about love and about ourselves. we found out what we wanted most in life, and in a relationship. we let our walls down to our hearts together and let eachother see one another in little increments until eventually we could tell eachother almost exactly the others thoughts. and it was perfect but ill restate, i think i took alot of that for granted. having someone who knew me inside and out, upside down and rightside up was something that i think was pushed to the back of my mind. i remember one day, her family took me to her church for a morning service and i believe the night before or 2 nights before we had a fight and it was about not opening up and saying everything that is on our hearts. and the preachers message that day was that essentially the more we fight and the more we just urge everyone to open up all at once, the higher and thicker the walls become. the walls to someones heart and mind need to be taken down brick by boring brick. you cant try and force them down because our human instinct is that when someone wants to invade our privacy, we get very defensive and build walls higher and thicker. only one girl has been able to take the time to take those walls down brick by brick, and ill be quite honest with you, i dont WANT anyone else to try doing that. i want my princess back in my life, because even though i talk to so many girls and know so many people only one person knows how to attack my walls and bring them down. ive never met a more caring and patient soul than hers. she really was my sunshine. so i dont want a relationship. i mean sure it would be nice to have that one person but i cant look at it like that. i have to look at it like this. life will bring you opportunities and doors will open for you. you just have to know how to walk through the door way, and close and lock the door behind you so you know you have that opportunity secured and all to yourself. and i think i should say this. nicole... princess. if you ever get around to reading this, i want you to know two things. one: i was an asshole and im really sorry. i wish i could go back to 4 months ago and never have spent that night with you, although it was probably the best night of my life, in that one night i ruined what could have lasted a life time, and you know how i always said "i never wanna be on my deathbed wondering 'what if?'"? well now i have to sit here every day for the rest of my life and wonder "what if?" and that feeling is not a good one. and two: if you never want to talk to me again, ill understand. i mean why do people like me deserve a second chance anyway. if you do want to talk to me again, i really hope that you share your life with me. not as in be with me again, because i know that i dont deserve you, and you dont deserve the pain from me. i mean when you finally find "him" i want you to share it with me. i want to know that youre doing well and youre happy. i wont be mad or sad or any emotion except happy for you, and the reason for that is because i know that i let you slip away. i regret that. i love you

- liam is fucking annoying as hell and a total dick for trying to get in between silver and navid’s relationship just over one stupid hookup… horrible friend