#9.20.25

unfortunately everything T is doing is getting on my nerves and i’m trying to figure out why

what upsets me is sometimes i feel like he responds to my feelings in an unempathetic way, and when it upsets me he either doesn’t care or doesn’t act

and that makes me feel uncared for

it makes me feel like my emotions are too much and i shouldn’t share them

it makes me feel like i need to be less of myself by making my thoughts and emotions smaller

it makes me feel like i’m too much for one person, or maybe several people

and i hate that feeling.

sometimes things just upset me. i just need you to genuinely care how i feel and be empathetic even if you don’t understand or feel the same way

is that too much to ask?

and at the same time, i’m feeling ready to explore relationships with women again

idk if it’s because i’m not getting fully fulfilled emotionally (and maybe i can’t be by a man?) or because im just ready but the timing feels like it’s soon

i’m a lot. maybe it just takes more than one person to support me in that way.

i hate feeling like i’m upset and no one cares. i hate feeling like my emotions are a burden to someone. i hate feeling like i have to jump up and down to get you to care about me.

these are all my childhood traumas.

and it also pisses me off that K is posting so often on ig these days. she has so much to say and so much fun to share but she couldn’t reach out to me in the literal worst time of my life?

this is that shit i mean by people honestly don’t care. i don’t want to trust anyone at all

it’s hard cause i feel like what would comfort me is to be taken care of. for someone to say, i see you and i love you and i will try to understand. but by opening yourself up to trusting someone that way, you open yourself up to the possibility they may not be able to handle what you put out there and it could leave you feeling even worse

i guess i’m mad at myself a little for trusting someone so soon even though i feel like they can’t be everything i need them to be

9.20.25

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