#9.18.2020

Have you ever watched a day come to life from the back of an ambulance on a morning you never thought you’d live to embrace?

Watched a fruit fly and wondered if it knew it would likely die within the next 48 hours, wishing you could be as fortunate? 

Have you pulled at the straps meant for constraining you so tightly that your fingertips went numb and realized that the rest of you felt the exact same way?

Waited for the sun to peek through the clouds, knowing that it wouldn’t because you’ve never been that lucky? 

I wish the world had been kinder. 

As of late, I have had several nights in which I find myself silently pleading God for some sense of direction. I’ve tried my best to be a bright spot in each of your lives, but I can’t help but feel as if I’ve become more dark the more vocal I become about how I feel. I’m sure that each of you have been painfully aware of the heavy presence that has been plaguing me at this point in my life. I’m sure it hasn’t been the easiest thing in the world to do. I’m positive that it has the potential to be over-bearing and burdensome. Yet, I’m sure you’d all say it wasn’t, and even if it had been you’d do it all again.

Those are the types of people you are. I am very fortunate to have had each of you in my life. I am extremely blessed that although darkness haunts my mind, that love from y’all flourishes all around me.

It’s a late night, an early morning, however you wish to refer to it. Olivia, this is the night that we facetimed and begrudgingly committed to pulling an all-nighter so that we could catch up on our school work. You hung up a while ago so that you could go talk to Savannah and pop a caffeine capsule. You told me you’d be five minutes, and maybe ten minutes later, I chuckle knowing that you’ll probably be another ten or so.

**Correction: You’re calling right now. You said that you needed time to let the caffeine work its magic, and I totally get it. Apparently, you took the time to let Savannah read your palms.

Regardless, I want to let you know that I am grateful that I have you to struggle with, no matter the situation. It seems that we always find ourselves falling into the same holes. And when we get tired of our holes, we always help each other claw our way out. It’s a terribly annoying yet enduring cycle, and I am so happy that I undergo with you.

I’m now at this point in the letter, and though I had a set intention/point for it, I have completely forgotten it, and I think I may end the letter here and post a poem or something.

With an abundance of undying love,