Maybe this one's dumb, but...
There's something that just...bugs me. I think about it way too much.
Why exactly did Harlequin kill Helbram? The first time I mean.
That was his best friend for centuries, maybe their whole lives, and he...did even try to help him... He didn't try to talk him down, he didn't do anything. He didn't say anything. He just listened to Helbram scream for like a minute and then chose...violence... He didn't even seem to hesitate.
Something was seriously wrong with a very important person to him, something that made no sense, and he barely even asked for an explanation! I just...
I don't get how he had the heart to act like that. I don't get why he didn't even try... I don't get it. And it bothers me deeply...
All the times I've seen that episode, all the times I've tried to reconcile the facts and I just... come up empty... Harlequin's choices that entire day make no sense to me.
He did the same thing to Diane right after. Not the same degree obviously, but he just chose to erase himself from her life on impulse. And he clearly didn't actually grasp the consequences of that decision either, all it really did was confuse her. She remembered everything that mattered, all he managed to erase was his identity in her memory, not the occurrences themselves.
Why was he so impulsive with the lives of the people who meant most to him? Why didn't he stop to think about what was actually best for either of them? Why...didn't he even try to come up with literally anything else?
He came upon situations he didn't know how to handle and his only answer was simply to make them disappear...
We're never really going to have answers to these questions. And I don't know how much I actually care to have answers, really. Like I don't think knowing why will make me feel any better about any of it. And, sure, there are plenty of ways we can try to defend him or at least be sympathetic. Give him the benefit of the doubt, or simply try to explain these things for the sake of peace of mind... But I don't think there's any true justification.
And sure, maybe there was no way to save Helbram. Maybe they would always have ended up in an altercation, maybe there really was no way around that conclusion. That's not what bothers me. What bothers me is simply that it was Harlequin's first answer. His best. friend. and he didn't even try anything else before going nuclear. If he has tried to talk Helbram out of his rampage, if he'd tried to actually help, I'd feel differently. I just... can't sit with amicicide being the go-to.