I just had an appointment with my dietitian. It went okay. She's fantastic, and goes above and beyond. Our appointment lasted 70min even though technically it's supposed to be 20 min. (She def plans for them to be that long though, as our appointments typically are).

We talked about control and baby steps and how hopelessly long my recovery journey seems, how I don't even want to try anymore bcos it seems so fruitless and exhausting. She compared it to the last 2 miles of a marathon. Of course, the most engrained behaviors are the most difficult to remove, but they are also typically the last behaviors to go. It helped me feel a tad less judgemental of myself, but I feel equally stuck.

I told her about my family's and my search for a php or res program, and she seemed really excited that I was considering that. Her excitement honestly was extremely reassuring, as I've been feeling very much as though I am not ill enough or needy enough to seek that level of care, needing to compensate by restricting even more.

When I left, she asked me to go eat lunch before groups this evening if I hadn't already, and I shrugged it off. And she said "well if you don't eat it now they'll just make you add it with dinner." Which... DUH. how did I forget that?? anyways I just had a snack. they'll still make me add stuff at dinner, but at the very least it should be a physically POSSIBLE amount to finish... hopefully.

"Smile Lines"

You can’t tell me she hasn’t had any form of lip fillers yet her lips look fuller than the last selfie she posted