#7.23.25

7.23.25

Briana via her IG story 🖤

Briana via Tammi's Snapchat 🖤

Briana via her IG story 🖤

But here I am, 12:22pm, and I saw a TikTok about what it feels like when you’re on the brink of a breakthrough—how it’s a lot of self-doubt and loss of momentum and feeling confused because you feel different on the inside but nothing is happening outside yet. That you’re being asked to respond differently to things—you’re no longer available for self-sabotage, shrinking or settling. That you’re choosing aligned action.

And I started crying again, because it resonated so much, and was so validating. I feel like I’m constantly vacillating between “I’m doing this!” and “what if I’m wrong? What if it’s like all the other times I thought I was doing better?” But it is different this time—I feel it in my core. I’ve never felt that before. I WANTED to. I tried. I pretended. But I’ve never truly felt it like I feel it now.

I keep letting the external trip me up, though—not much has reflected back yet, and think I worry maybe it’s hollow like the other times. Like I’m just pretending and hoping. But I’m not. I know. And every time I doubt for a day or two, I’m still affirming in the meantime, and then I lock back in to the knowing.

I’m there again now. Words can’t really describe the pride I feel in myself. The way that these little dips—however uncomfortable—feel like a necessary part of the process, because every time I maneuver my way out of it again, I build deeper trust with myself. I like myself more. I respect myself more. I become more of myself.

I am becoming her. Ruthlessly, unrelentingly. I am a force, eroding my own identity and shaping it with precision and intention. If nothing else at all, I am so immensely proud of myself for that. For becoming the orchestrator of my own unmaking and rebecoming.