#7.10.2013

Last night irritated the shit outta me. I don't like getting into fights with my girl. Everything yesterday felt like a giant fucking headache. Saying the same shit over and over, to the point where I just didn't care anymore. 

Left. took a walk around town. Seattle is still confusing as fuck and I got lost for a good hour and a half but it was better than sitting there, being lectured at. 

I know what I have to do.  It's not easy, letting go of this shit and my pride and I'm just so sick of humbling myself for something that just...hurts. 

But it's tough, explaining that to someone who's decided not to listen. That 'not listening' thing works both ways. I dunno. I'm stubborn as shit, and her approach just pissed me off, and now on top of feeling frustrated with my parents, I'm mad as fuck about this stupid fight. 

Got back to the hostel at like...three in the morning, and she was sleeping. We're apparently not talking. I needed to get out, so I decided to hang out with a few of the people staying here. Hipsters and hippies, but they're decent, I guess. They were talking music in one of the sitting room, jamming with a guitar and smoking hookah. Typical, but still chill. 

It's cool, talking with younger people. Got my mind off things for a minute. But now I'm back to wondering how the fuck this situation's gonna improve. I'm just...not ready to call yet. 

Every fuckin' call just beats into my head, that I let them down, and I don't know how to not feel that way. So am I 'being a baby' because I stopped trying? 

Goddammit, this shit is annoying me. She made good points, but she ain't completely right. I hate when we get like this, when we're both stubborn and not listening, and nothing gets solved.

Now I'm back to being irritated all over again.

Fuck. 

I'll make the fuckin' call.  

On Friday. I will. Seems fitting, then.

Considering the day, maybe they'll finally answer.