Tags: hurt/comfort, blood and injury, angst with a happy ending, heavy petting, established relationship, post-canon, mild s&m
Description:
"'You should leave me and take advantage of this good luck while it lasts.'
'What good luck?'
The words burst out, loud and furious, before Hajime can do anything to stop them.
Komaeda blinks, the cloudiness over his eyes seeming to recede, just a little. 'Acting as your shield is the best luck I could askā'
'I didnāt bring you here so you could be my shield!' His shaking hands grip around Komaedaās leg, as tightly as he dares without hurting him further. 'I brought you because I...'
Because he was a fool."
A Future Foundation mission gone wrong leads Hinata and Komaeda to come to a deeper understanding of what they want from each other.
I finally finished this oneshot, the first one in a year! I'm still working out my post-canon dynamic for these guys, I'm happy I managed to complete something!
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Ask game!! *Grins evily* what about POV? But if not then maybe Before the beginning? :)
I hope it's okay that I combined both of yours and went really crazy! This takes place between chapters 8 and 9 of LAFF and is Komaeda's POV. I hope it's okay! As it's part of LAFF, nsfw topics are briefly discussed but don't appear here.
...
Nagito tries not to breathe too deeply.
If he holds very, very still, and closes his eyes, and ignores everything around him, maybe the loud thoughts will quiet themselves, and he'll be able to fall back asleep once more.
But the early dawn light forces its way through his eyelids. The sound of birds chirping outside the library windows breaks the silence.
And Hajime Hinata stirs against his side.
Maybe Nagito could ignore the dawn, or the birds, if he tried hard enough. But someone as weak as him can't ignore the feeling of Hinata's face nestled against his shoulder.
Hinata is shivering. The air is cold and damp in the libraryānot a good atmosphere for preserving the books at all. Maybe Monokuma created this atmosphere on purpose, as a way to create despair if something happened to the books. But the joke's on him, if that's what he planned. Nagito and Hinata still found what they were looking for last night. The pamphlet still lies next to him on the floor, and all the information is tucked safely in both he and Hinata's brainsāas unreliable as Nagito's might be. It might be small, but a small victory of hope is still hopeful: a precursor of greater things yet to come.
But Hinata is still shivering.
Even in sleep, his arm is wrapped around Nagito's waist like a vice, his grip almost painful in a soothing sort of way. It shouldn't be soothing, though. Nagito should be pulling away, now that he's awake and aware. Someone like Hinata shouldn't be touching him so familiarly. Such beautiful hands shouldn't dirty themselves with filth.
Butā¦ they already did. Multiple times.
What happened two nights agoā¦ well, Nagito will forget all of that with time. It wasn't something that either of them chose, so in the end, it means nothing, no matter how much it felt like it meant something in the moment.
Nagito never thought that he'd experience something like that before. Even though it meant nothingā¦ he's grateful for it. Hinata truly must be the Ultimate Actor, because it's hard for Nagito to imagine a tangible difference between what he felt then, and what the real thing might feel like. He treated Nagito far better than he deservedā¦
But he should put those sorts of thoughts out of his head. There's no point in dwelling on that night anymore.
But for Hinata to dirty himself like that, and then, not to avoid Nagito afterwards, but instead saying that he wanted more, that he wanted to be friends againā¦ and then, for Hinata to hold him, only short hours ago, and try to comfort him, and saying that he wanted to understand himā¦
That was far too much good luck.
Something truly horrible is waiting around the corner. Hinata's anxiety attackāor whatever that wasāwas a precursor of something far worse.
That's why Nagito needs to play it safe for now. They've reached a point where even Nagito, who knows very well the way things must always be, can no longer argue with what Hinata says he wants.
If Hinata insists, despite everything, that he wants to be Nagito's friend, that he wants him to stay alive, that he wants to keep him safeā¦ there's no way to properly argue with that without hurting him more, is there?
Given time and careful planning, he'll be able to change his mind. But for now, he needs to be gentle with Hinata, for fear of making things worse.
Hinata had always seemed somewhat fragile, from day one. It's a side of him that Nagito's not sure if anyone else has seen. He has a blunt way of speaking, a harsh and decisive way of asserting his opinionsāand yet, he seems to stay quiet more often than not, staying in the corner and observing, waiting until others have decided what to do before making his decisions. He's more shy than he might appear. Not only that, but Nagito has seen what happens when Hinata's anxiety reaches a tipping point twice now.
Itā¦ scares him to see something like that. To see his friend (is it really alright to call him that?) helpless and pale and crying. Any confident smiles or firm words from Hinata seem like a distant memory when confronted with that sight. Anything Nagito does will only make it worse, and yet, he can't stop himself from trying to help.
But then again, as fragile as Hinata isā¦ he has an incredible talent for finding any weak points in Nagito's resolve.
Nagito doesn't think he's cried for years. He didn't think he knew how anymore. And yet, Hinata has made him do it twice in two days.
For Hinata to be able to do thatā¦ there's something very special about that boy. It's no wonder he was accepted into Hope's Peak Academy. Nagito's own admission was dubious, enough that he briefly doubted the admission committee's abilities. But knowing that they had let Hajime Hinata in is enough to bring back all his faith in the school and all it stands for. They had been able to see that beautiful hope sleeping inside of him: a hope that changes everything it touches.
That's why Nagito has to be very careful. He's worthless for this job, but if Hinata wants to stay by his side, then he needs to protect that fragile hope with all of his feeble strength.
Hinata shudders, his face pressing deeper into Nagito's shoulder. "I'mā¦" He murmurs the words, slurred with sleep. "I'mā¦ sorryā¦"
Nagito's breath catches. The sincerity in those few words does something strange to his heart.
"I don't know why Hinata-kun is apologizing." He whispers, not sure if he's telling himself or Hinata this. "Someone like himā¦ couldn't do anything wrong."
There's no response to his own foolish, sincere words. Hinata must have been talking in his sleep. That realization does little to slow Nagito's heart rate, not when Hinata's face is pressed against his collarbone now. His heart is beating irritatingly loud; it's sure to wake Hinata, beating directly in his ear like that. Butā¦ Hinata doesn't stir.
But he still trembles, even though the room is no longer coldāNagito's face is warm, far too warm. How can Hinata still be shivering, when the room is this hot?
His useless brain fumbles for something he can do, finally seizing upon a single foolish idea. Carefully, awkwardly, he slips out of his jacket, afraid of waking Hinata with his movements. One arm is somewhat pinned between himself, Hinata, and the wall; pulling the sleeve off of that arm without jostling Hinata is a test in dexterity far beyond what someone like him should be able to accomplish.
At last, he's managed to get the thing off. Carefully, with his limited range of motion, he drapes his jacket over Hinata.
He holds his breath.
Slowly, Hinata's tremors seem to fade. Butā¦ the pain and worry in his sleeping face remain constant.
Nagito lets out his breath in a sharp sigh.
Even after Nagito did everything Hinata wanted, even after he didn't play Monokuma's motive game and stayed up to unearthly hours by Hinata's sideā¦ even after all of that, to keep Hinata's hope intact, Hinata still looks like this. His face pale and drawn, as if he's in severe pain, quiet whimpers escaping him in his sleep.
Is this really all because of that night? Even after everything they'd talked about, is Hinata still holding guilt over something so innocuous?
There must be something more to it, but Hinata doesn't tell those sorts of secrets easily. Butā¦ it's easy enough to understand that Nagito is the one causing him pain.
He really is useless.
Someone so useless shouldn't be here, holding the person that he's brought such pain to. Subhuman garbage shouldn't be pointlessly dreaming of ways to preserve the most beautiful hope on earth.
Hinata shouldn't be holding so tight to someone like him.
Another pained exhale escapes him. Foolishly, he reaches up, running a hand through Hinata's hair, in some desperate attempt to do something to help him. His hair is damp with sweat, and yet Hinata's skin is cold beneath his palm.
He's not the right one for this.
Hinata should let go of him.
He'll only hurt him more in the end.
And yetā¦ he can't pull away. Not when Hinata is holding him this tightly.
He softly pets Hinata's hair, and hopes that he won't wake up.
I usually only do a vague outline for long fics and nothing for oneshots. My stories always evolve a lot as I go and I know that it will change a ton from the original outline. I have certain key scenes or events that I work towards, and everything in between fills itself in as I write.
16: How do you write your fics? (Handwritten, google docs, word, etc)
These days I always use LibreOffice to write. I'm trying to get away from google docs more, and my brain really likes something about LibreOffice. I have to be careful to back up my fics on my external hard drive though since it doesn't have any cloud support or anything. But some of my earliest Clive fics were handwritten in a notebook during my work breaks back when I worked out at the farm and had no laptop to write on dfhjkfdkdf I was that desperate to write for him that I wrote with my dirty hands in my short fifteen minute breaks.
Thank you!! I'm giving you just a bit of LAFF since I'm pretty sure you were the person who left me a super sweet comment on it a few weeks ago (if it wasn't you I'm so sorry for getting mixed up fdfkdhdf)
...
More than anything, he wants to see Komaeda. To see his calm, smiling face, and to fall to his knees before him, to rest his head in his lap, and cry and cry and cry. For Komaeda to run his hands through his hair, and tell him in that soft, serene voice, that things arenāt as bad as they seem. That the light of hope will rise in the morning sky after despairās dark night.
But hope arising from this situation is truly impossible.
"The smell of iron is refreshing. Nagito would keep going forever if he could. But his hand is shaking too much now. His legs are thoroughly ruined now, in any case, enough to make his classmates nauseous.
He hopes theyāll be horrified. That theyāll look at his dead body and fall to their knees. He imagines the bruises, from falling to their knees so many times. Hundreds, thousands of times. He imagines the looks on their faces.
He canāt remember what their faces look like anymore.
Maybe this time, Hinata will feel something. Maybe heāll cry this time.
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Tags: hurt/comfort, dementia, sickfic, relationship discussions, suicidal thoughts, angst with a happy ending
Description: ā'You know youāre not an obligation, right?' Komaeda mustāve imagined those plaintive words, or the added weight of a second hand on his own. Because the frown is still there, and the saddened eyes, and thereās still no smile, never a smile. He mustāve imagined them. So he doesnāt answer. Hinata wonāt smile, so he will smile enough for the both of them for now. He wishes the blurriness in his eyes would go away." A dementia symptom flareup over Christmas leads to some relationship introspection for Komaeda and Hinata.
I finished my komahina christmas week story "only" a month and three days late! It wound up being one of my fluffiest things I've ever written, despite the heavy angst, and I'm pretty proud of it even if I'm embarrassed by it too. Thank you to everyone who read the first few chapters, and I hope you enjoy the conclusion as well :)
Kind of curious about before the beginning if possible to retrieve in the context of your WIPs
Thank you so much for asking!! I started to write before the beginning of my current oneshot... and basically wrote a whole other oneshot. But I felt like it was getting way too long for a response haha so this is just a short section of something that I will probably try to keep reworking into a longer and better story. I've been exploring a lot of island mode komahina lately so that's what this is! Anyway, here's the little bit from the almost 1000 words I wound up writing today in response:
...
Komaeda smiles thinly, his shoulders shaking in a silent, humourless laugh. "I wonder what I should do differently. This is my first time, so I'm afraid I'm not very good at this. I'm sorry that trash like me can't entertain Hinata-kun to his satisfaction."
Entertain? First time? "I don't really get it." Hajime says the words slowly, trying to grasp Komaeda's intended meaning. "This isn't our first time hanging out. And I'veā¦ I've always had fun before."
The hurt seems to fade from Komaeda's face, but the calming smile that Hajime's so used to seeing is still absent. "Oh? Butā¦" He stares down at the pink ticket in his hand, a pensive look in his eyes. "Wellā¦ I was under the impression that these were supposed to be special. But perhaps Hinata-kun views them differently?"
@archsimp I'm so sorry, I tried to answer this five times and "there was an error in processing your post" every time. So I'm answering it this way! Thank you for asking <3
thank you archsimp!!! <3
4: Do you save your ācut scenesā from your fics? (Want to share one?)
I have a document where I just stuff all of my cut scenes "just in case." But since they're cut for a reason (The Vibes Are Off), I rarely have a use for them later. It is sort of fun to look back and see the changes as the story evolves, though.
This is from my main WIP from my original version of chapter 17. This story is sort of a canon rewrite with Major Traumatic Changes, and this was going to be my original version of Hinata and Komaeda meeting again after Nidai is injured on the beach. But kmhn had already had a Major fight just in the last chapter and I couldn't stand seeing yet another fight dfhjkfffd it would've been too much combined with what had recently happened. So I wound up skipping this scene and just going straight to a reconciliation moment later in the chapter. But here's the skipped scene.
...
āHinata-kun.ā
A quiet, rasping voice shatters Hajimeās reverie. A chill slips down his spine. Slowly, he turns. Komaeda stands at the junction between the third island and the central island, one foot still on the bridge and one on the land. His stance is stiff, like heās holding himself upright through sheer force of will.
āWhat happened with Oowari-san?ā Even the effort of speaking that question aloud seems to make Komaeda sway on his feet.
Heād never made it to the beach, had he? Had it taken him this long to even make it back to the central island?
Something between concern and disgust wells up in Hajimeās chest. Why is Komaeda even talking to him?
Heās so exhausted. So tired of worrying about someone who wonāt let him worry about him.
āOowariās fine.ā The words come out stiffly. āBut Nidai took the hit from Monokuma for her. We donāt know if heās gonna make it.ā
āOh.ā Komaeda blinks a few times, as though heās processing what Hajime said. āHow... how meaningless. The best his death will bring us is the hope in overcoming the despair of his loss. Oowari-san should have known better than to recklessly put her life at risk. And Nidai-kun shouldnāt have botheredāā
āLook, I donāt want to hear it. I donāt really feel like hearing anything from you right now.
17: Do you regularly discuss your fics, or do you keep most of the info to yourself before you start posting?
I think I probably talk about them way too much... but even though I do vaguepost about how much I'm suffering writing them a lot on here, I try hard to keep any actual important plot points to myself before posting. I don't want to ever say "this is the chapter where X happens" or whatever, especially since my chapters tend to get a lot longer than I anticipate and X might not happen for another two chapters or something. I also don't want to be annoying about talking about them so I only post about them when I am truly desperate for attention dfhkdjffd...
18: How do you decide what POV to write in?
Right now since I'm mostly writing kmhn, I do find it easier to write in Hajime's POV, so I gravitate towards him. It's probably a mix between knowing how he thinks from playing the game through his POV, and just really resonating with him as a character. But I have written one Komaeda POV story so far, This Endris Night, and I wound up choosing him as the POV character there because he was the one who needed to come to an important realization or acceptance of a certain feeling (basically a transition from fear to acceptance, which hajime had already achieved but komaeda hadn't yet). This was a short multichapter, about 15k.
Basically, both with kmhn and outside of it on my old account, I think I usually pick the character who has the biggest personal journey to go on throughout the story, especially for shorter stories and oneshots. But for my main WIP LAFF, it made sense to write from Hajime's POV since it's so similar to the original game in structure, even though both he and Komaeda are going through the same amount of Misery and both have similar personal journeys. Since he's easier for me to write too, that was another factor in why I chose him to be the POV character.
