No.609
The conversation with Nam - a colleague, the other day at the office, resonates vividly right now.
He said there’s no way he can change who he is, he is who he has been brought up by parents and their language, his surroundings, his environment.
He reminded me of myself so much, saying he doesn’t want to have kids as he doesn’t want another ‘him’ in this world, that he is who his parents has made him to be, he can’t change, that it’s impossible to get away from yourself because you are just who you are.
...
Maybe, Michel Foucault is so obsessed with getting away from who his parents equipped him to be that he developed the whole concept of ‘techniques of the self’ and went crazy about it.
Like, all greatest social theorist probably become crazy about one subject simply because of the fact that their life has centralized around it.
Similarly, isn’t Adlerian psychology, the so-called individual psychology, in existence due to the fact that he is working on himself to cure his own fears, traumas and way of life. So it’s like self-therapy for social theorists to...develop their theories on something =))))))
Self-knowledge, individualization, they are all playing around with the mind right? To the point it’s so exhausting just to think and keep sane. Consequently, we all need anchors, what/where/whom can you always go back/come back/be anchored back whenever you get tired of exploring the world of possibilities (yup absolutely full of possibilities) around?
Indeed, we could be ANYTHING once we set the mind onto it. Then what’s next? Setting the mind onto the next anything, then next and next. But maybe there’s always something anchoring us so that all the next, when connecting the dots, are actually all about that very thing that anchors us.
We could be ANYONE once we set the mind onto it. But maybe there’s always someone anchoring us to keep us who we always are (which is obviously true anyway because you can never get away from your family so the way you act when around them is never ever gone, which is good and bad depending on your upbringings).
Supposedly though, to be that anyone for good, does it mean we really have to never go back to where we used to be for good, because, if not, how does it gonna work? Or like what has happened in this post-modern world, the construction of multiple identities and representation is shifting depending on who/where/what you are surrounded with.
I am tired =)))) That’s the bottom line I’ve been trying to convey.
I am tired of going back and forth and still not yet transiting for good.
Then again, Foucault is right. Because it’s all about the process, not the result, there's never a result (until we die).
It’s all about identification, subjectification and individualization which have to be kept going on if you can. It’s easy to say ‘set the mind onto it’, actually, to be precise, it has to be ‘set the mind constantly and consistently onto it’!
The tricky part is consistency.
How can you love someone consistently despite all long distance, quarrels, even being rejected not induced to continue loving at all?
How can you be someone consistently despite your family surroundings or things that get you back to who you used to be (community, people around, the room you live, the place you reside, etc.)?
How can..... I stay here for the sake of consistency despite getting bored and being so frustrated? =))))))))))))
It’s already near the end of February. February you know! There are only 5 months left and my next-step plan is still basically blank.
I’m stuck :”)
