Chris attending the Life Rolls On Foundation “They Will Surf Again” event in Santa Monica - June 2 

My electrolytes were imbalanced. (my bloodwork from the ER last night said as such and I had a rlly bad headache earlier)

I took a positive step towards taking care of myself--I asked my dad to take me to the grocery store to get powerade and ensure.

He bought me both, and I drank a little powerade and nearly immediately my headache went away.

I also got ensure which is kind of terrifying as ensure is soooo calorically dense, but the dietitian asked me if I’d be willing to drink a supplement. I basically told her no, but I talked myself into buying it (or having my father buy it but same dif)... and that is a step in the right direction.

Plus now I will certainly drink it at some point, as I will feel overwhelmingly guilty over having my parents pay for it if I never drink it. 

Just intending on lending a hand

Instead, one gets shot back

It stings like a slap to the cheek

but sinks into my chest heavy like lead

Clenching my teeth, I resist the urge to scream or cry

Walking away, fighting the tears trying to form

I feel my walls climb higher until I feel myself shift

I can't stand the the build up in my skull

like the tension will spill over at any moment

There's too much changing around me, but I'm not keeping up

The world's moving, spinning, but I'm still stuck