#6.15.26

6.15.26

i’m so so so tired of being depressed. i’m so tired of crawling on my knees, begging for a better mind or afterlife. i hate the cycles of my life and the cages of poverty. i hate the way my sadness impacts those around me. i hate how freely i have given without being met in return. i have never gotten over anything in my life, my healing is a facade. i distract myself with top hits because i can’t risk feeling again. i feel creatively dead and am the unhealthiest i have ever been in my life. i can no longer look at myself without wanting to cry.

when does it end? when will joy last more than the length of an afternoon? when will my mother reach out without trying to save me through god? when has god ever saved me? i miss and i yearn and i lay in bed for days. play a montage and you’ll see how much of my life has been wasted in this bed. i cannot love without pain. i cannot look at a photo without wondering if I was happier then (i wasn’t).

VOZINHA IS THE GOAT

This term has been fucking CRAZY for me. It just so happens that my last term of school also happens to be my busiest - 8 classes, 3-4 shifts per week, 31 assignments, 3 big papers, 2 presentations, 2 projects, and a final. Not to mention two seminars and a wedding in the middle of it all. Hooo 😅 I've been so busy that I can barely think

On top of that, we're in the triple fire horse year - so I've been dealing with deep healing and integration, massive strides and changes, and an ever-increasing and crazy rapid pace of things.

We're actually, as of writing this, 6 days away from the solstice, which is the most yang day of the year, in the most fire month of the year, in the most fire season of the year, in the most fire year that a year can be..... how we feelin?? 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

I could write novellas about all of the things that have happened and have been new for me, but perhaps I'll save it for another time.

One thing I WILL talk about though - I achieved a dream of mine a few weeks ago. Prior to starting school for TCM, I always loved and dreamed about the idea of combining Reiki with acupuncture - not just doing it alongside acupuncture, but actually sending Reiki in through the needles.

Within the past month and a half or so, I've been doing Reiki basically constantly in all of my treatments. I'm not sure how or why, but it just kind of worked out that way - and I've been getting much better and more dramatic results, and all of my patients have really resonated and liked it.

But a few weeks ago, I was working on a classmate for some wrist pain, and because they were my classmate and also "of the woo" as it were, I asked if it was okay to do some Reiki and try something new, and they said yes. So after the needles were in, I did some Reiki, and then channeled some into their wrist THROUGH the needle.

Soooo cool! I'm definitely going to need to experiment with it so much more. But I felt that I was able to access deeper and more precise areas because of it. I'm curious to see if it magnified the effect or both Reiki and Acupuncture together as well.

Anywho. It's sooo exciting to me that I was able to fulfill a dream of mine that I had before I started school 😄

I'd write more but I gotta ship off to a shift! Thanks for reading!